


Breeder

by AshaCrone



Series: Nesting [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Dubious Consent, Genderbending, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mpreg, Multi, Slash, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-06
Updated: 2012-12-06
Packaged: 2017-11-15 18:46:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 82,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/530492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshaCrone/pseuds/AshaCrone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One: Wherein skin doesn't quite fit.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.

  
Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it.  
Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed.

  
Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.

 

 

~*~*~*~*~

There was a new hole in his head.

  
It was the thought Commander Shepard kept coming back to, like a broken record. The one thought that managed to float to the top of the other flotsam and jetsam of his confused and scattered mind.  
While there were worse things bouncing in Shepard's skull, for example: 'Two years dead? What the hell?' 'How did Cerberus get me?' and 'Why are my hips wider?' All competed for space in the throbbing ache behind his eyes, but those he could suppress. Those he could bury under the urgency of klaxons, the sound of gunfire. Yet when the woman had urged him off the operating table, he had paused a moment to take stock.

  
He hurt. All of him hurt: joints creaked, his muscles trembled, his gut felt bloated and heavy. He was naked, wrapped in a flimsy plastic sheet. His face stung, either from surgical incisions or deep cuts, he didn't know. His head...

  
He rubbed the back of his skull, and that was when he found it: a small indention, rimmed in metal, almost completely covered by his hair, with a small pip in the center. Something was embedded in his skull. His fingers scrambled around the smooth edges in panic, trying to gain purchase and _yank the damn thing out-_

  
"What the hell did you do to me?" he had roared, mind blanking in fear.

  
_"Shepard, there's no time-"_

  
"I'm not going _anywhere_ until you answer me. _What the fuck have you put in my head?_ " Shepard screamed as he stood in front of the locker, hands shaking. He felt- god, he was about to get sick-

  
There was static from the woman over the intercom. _"You had been gravely injured, and we had to do extensive reconstructive surgery. You,"_ the voice broke into static. _"Potential wasted. We outfit... biotic implants."_

  
Shepard's fists unknotted, mind clearing. His biotics _hadn't_ been worth cultivating before, but this was something he understood. His hands went back to the back of his neck as he traced the outline- remembering when he had touched an implant before- and relaxed. He opened the locker, getting out a suit of N7 armor (which chafed against naked skin) and grabbed the pistol.

  
When he found Jacob, he discovered he had been dead for two years. That was okay, it made no sense, his mind refused to compute. Then he found that Cerberus had him, and that in the absence of all rational thought, he had to work _with_ them. Still, he could forge on, focus on getting off Lazarus Station. He could ignore the heaviness and bloat, because it was probably some by-product of his surgeries.

  
He had then agreed, reluctantly, to go to Freedom's progress and see for himself what was going on. He found himself still poking at the hole in his head; he had discovered that his new biotics worked well, but using mnemonics he had never learned. He could not shove _this_ into a box and deal with it later.

  
And next, there was Tali, sweet Tali rejecting him to return to her people. He could understand her reasoning, but his mind had not yet accepted that it had been two years since his he had last ( _lived, breathed_ ) captained a ship. It was almost as bad as losing his family all over again, almost had him weeping, when she had left him alone without anything familiar to hold on to. He was left wondering if he truly wasn't in some form of hell.

  
Then Joker had walked ( _walked!_ ) back into his life, and he felt hope kindle once again. His mood had swung so high that he had all but hugged the pilot, only the memory of Joker's fragile bones keeping him from crushing him in his exuberance. After that, came the surprise that sealed his deal with the devil.

  
The new Normandy was... brilliant. She all but glowed in the bright lights that gave the ship an almost sunny ambiance. Warm and humming, it almost erased those last few moments of memory before the blackness had taken him. Those last moments of helpless rage that someone had tried to murder his crew-

  
He shook himself free of those morose thoughts for an adrenaline high chat with the lovely Ms. Chambers, who kindly asked him to visit Operative Lawson in her office. Then he frowned. For all that he was supposed to be in charge of this ship, he was aware that he had a handler. Derek Shepard was too well trained to sigh like a sulky child, but he did feel his face fall. It seemed he had been summoned.

~*~*~*~*~

"You wanted to see me, Miranda?" Derek asked, frowning, as he stood before her desk. His armor creaked. He had yet to change out of it; they had rushed him from Lazarus Station to Freedom's Progress and back to Minuteman Station with no time to himself. A cynical part of his mind thought that this was deliberate. Keep him uncomfortable and off balance and he might agree to more than he wanted.

  
Then he reminded himself (still detached, still unbelieving) that he had been dead for two years. While there was a persistent ache in his right shoulder, he wasn't craving salty brains. He should be grateful... not swallowing down hysterical laughter at the mental image of himself groaning like a husk and chasing Kelly Chambers.

  
"Yes." She paused, and for the first time she met his eyes without contempt. Rather, she looked uncomfortable. And slightly embarrassed. "First, I would like to discuss your biotic training."

  
Derek reached up to brush the back of his neck. "Yes. I'm curious as to why you did that," he said, feelings more than a bit mixed. On the one hand, incredible cosmic power. On the other... He had known his body, knew what it could and could not do. He wasn't happy about having a metaphorical 'property of Cerberus' stamped on his ass.

  
"Your biotic potential was greater than you knew," Miranda began, but she was holding herself too still, too poised. Her eyes met his, gauging his reactions to the hair. Her voice was as delicate and fragile as kid gloves. "Your particular style of fighting would greatly benefit from biotic implants." She licked her lips before going on. "You had been observed, during one of your altercations with our military division, using a weak biotic attack. We assumed you had tried to hone this ability and would not object to having it enhanced."

  
Derek paused. His head was still thick, giddy, but he could recognize this moment would set the tone of their future interactions. "I understand why you did it." _Though that doesn't mean I approve._ "However, if our working relationship is succeed, I would appreciate it if you give me a rundown of any changes you made, as well as _refraining_ from making any future changes without my knowledge." _Or I blow shit up_. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. He had not eaten, drank or slept since awakening on Lazarus Station; even an N7 would start feeling the strain.

  
"Believe it or not, Commander, I do have some empathy for your situation." Her back was rigid, fingers threaded together on her desk. "I take it you have not had time yet to relieve yourself?"

  
"No." He lifted an eyebrow at her, crossing his arms. "That's where I'm heading after we've spoken. Never been fond of my armor's plumbing."

  
Miranda's weight shifted back and away. "You might want to have a seat." She gestured to the chair before her, putting her hands under her desk. She waited for him to get comfortable, crossing his legs, before continuing. "I take it I do not need to remind you of your particular _in vitro_ modifications?" She asked, voice rising in the end. "Most records were lost when Mindoir was attacked, and what was left was kept under wraps by the Alliance. However, I was able to find out-"

  
"Most people born on colony worlds get some form of genetic modification before birth," Shepard said, cutting her off, face flushing. "I don't see why-"

  
"Cerberus has no issues in working with people who have genetic modifications, Shepard," Miranda interrupted him, lifting a hand, but her tone was still sympathetic. "What I'm trying to tell you is that we, Cerberus, did not initiate the results of those modifications." She frowned. " _That_ had apparently started when you missed three weeks of the hormone therapy the Alliance used to keep your metamorphosis in check." She pointedly did not ask why that had happened.

  
"Are you sure?" Derek asked, going pale after his flush, a surge of cold washing over his skin to settle in his stomach. He tried to remember, but there had just been too much to do in those last few months. Constant calls for help. Virmire, Ilos, and _Kaidan_... A sense of detachment about today, the previous day, fell over him and he had to wonder if this was some kind of bizarre dream. He recalled that his implant was due for a change. Surely, a few weeks wouldn't have- "Is there anything we can do to fix it?"

  
Miranda shook her head. "I researched all that I could. This is a transformation, Commander. Not an injury to be healed." Her face gentled. "It was built into you before you were born. The best we can do right now is give you the same kind of hormone regulators that female Alliance personnel receive in basic. It will prevent pregnancy and the kind of uneven mood swings and symptoms that are associated with," she licked her lips, before pulling them thin in an unhappy grimace. "With menstruation."

  
When Shepard didn't respond, just looked down at his clasped hands, she sighed. "Your particular genetic alteration was surprisingly well-classified. I didn't find out until after it was too late to fix out mistake, and unfortunately, most of the researchers on Lazarus Station were male. The prolonged interaction with a mostly male workforce meant that your body's hormone levels continued shifting, and we didn't catch the change until a critical moment in the revival process. Your brain had just begun to function at that stage; altering any of your chemical makeup would have put us back months, if not years."

  
"Couldn't you have done something after?" he asked, just above a whisper.

  
"There were too many unknowns, Commander. Your female reproductive system intertwines with your male; removing one would permanently damage the other. As much as the body is governed by the mind, is the mind part of an organic body. We wanted to bring you back as who you were. If we had changed this..." Miranda sighed, and shrugged. "We will do our best to keep this managed, Commander. We need you."

  
Derek made a choppy nod. "I understand." He took a deep breath. "I take it the ship's doctor has been informed of my... status?" he spat out the word, standing and looking at the door behind him.

  
He couldn't see Miranda's face, but he could feel her eyes on his back. "Yes, she has. She will also be discrete." She stopped, her pause making it seem like she was about to say more, but when nothing came he continued on. There really was nothing left to say.

~*~*~*~*~

He recalled the day he had been informed of Mindoir's choice, their peculiar strategy for survival. Some of the adults thought it was bankrolled by BinaryHelix, or maybe Sirta Foundation, but Derek didn't know. Others thought some mad scientist was living in the colony and wanted test subjects. But nonetheless, all of the initial investors and colonists had agreed that it was a viable decision.

  
The day had been warm, muggy, the air still. He remembered that he had hit a growth spurt, making his desk uncomfortably small for his long legs. The prefab building was open to the non-breeze and he was more interested in looking at the insect-analogs than listening to his teacher tell the girls to go to a separate room. As there were only about three in their shed-used-as-a-school, this seemed to be a big deal.  
The speech had been about what he expected; his parents had already told him where babies come from, what sex was, and why he woke up with wet sheets.

  
Then had come the... unexpected news.

  
"What the _fuck_?" Derek knew he wasn't supposed to use that word, at least not in class. Yet at that moment, it best summed up his feelings. "We're _girls_?"

  
"When the colonists and backers signed the Mindoir Charter, they all agreed that this was a sensible survival method for an otherwise small, backwater colony," Mr. Greer said, voice dropping, his tone sad. "If something were to happen to our colony, we can't always count on the Alliance coming to our aid. If we're to survive, we also can't count on advanced technology. Things break down over time. This was something we could use once, and it won't become an issue provided our numbers stay high, and the sexes remain even."

  
"But we didn't even get a chance to-"

  
"Most humans get some form of genetic enhancements, Derek." Mr. Greer hadn't corrected his language earlier, but now there was a definite rebuke in his voice. "All we've done is make sure there will be enough people to repopulate if we lose most of our women. Provided the colony remains safe, you shouldn't be bothered by the gift you've been given at all. Your family breeds cattle- you know you don't need many bulls."  
Derek remembered squirming, hugging his belly and the sheer sense of the alien that had overcome him. It had felt wrong, disgusting, to be told about what his parents had allowed to happen. Around the room, the eight other boys were doing the same, looking green.

  
"I can't believe our parents did that to us!"

  
"Mom and Dad lied to me?"

  
"What the fuck, can we fix it?" Again, the one with the potty mouth was Derek. This time, Mr. Greer frowned at him.

  
"It's not a matter of being fixed," Mr. Greer said, this time gently. "You aren't broken. This is something that was done to your generation as an emergency backup. The odds are bad out here: something will eventually happen, and we need all the help we can get in case of the worst. If you decide to go off-world, you can use hormone regulators so that you don't change. But we need to be prepared in case something does happen."

  
For years after that, Shepard had wondered if he was better off not knowing. He found out later, after the batarian slavers came, that Mindoir had run their experimental program without Alliance knowledge. There were rumors of other colonies out there that had attempted similar programs: in order to bolster their numbers in case of their female population being reduced, male children had been altered. They had been given vestigial wombs, and the associated organs would ripen and mature in the event that there was a large gender imbalance in their colony. That way, all available bodies would be able to birth new colonists instead of just half the population.

  
Mad? Yes. But as given how slow humans were to reproduce, and in the event of major infrastructure on the colony being destroyed...

  
For the most part, the genetics program on Mindoir was buried and forgotten after the batarian slavers arrived, neatly showing how quickly an enemy could show itself and destroy a colony. They chose to discontinue it, without a word, burying it in the past even if it might still continue in the more far flung colonies.

  
Of the handful of male survivors of Shepard's generation, most had stayed to help repopulate. Shepard had not. Instead he had chosen to flee, revealing to Alliance medical what had happened to him and coping with the consequences. Outside of a few extranet rumors, no one spoke of what had been done to the sons of Mindoir.

~*~*~*~*~

It was a short walk from Miranda's office to the med bay. An even shorter one to the elevator. Yet he wanted to get this over with, before the numbness of Miranda's revelation wore off and he had to deal with the events of the past few hours ( _years_ ). It felt like trying to hold off a krogan with a feather, but he managed the few steps, and surprised to see a familiar sight within.

  
"Holy- Doctor Chakwas?," he said, blinking in both joy and dismay as he walked in the door. Joy, because Doctor Chakwas had been the person to treat him while he was on the original Normandy. The dismay came from the obvious. "I never thought I would see you on a Cerberus vessel."

  
Her smile was tired, but comforting at the same time. She didn't speak at first, just ushered him to sit on one of the bio-beds, and had him peel off part of his leg pieces. She administered a local anesthetic to the big muscle of his right thigh before using a large syringe to insert the hormone implant that would regulate his cycles. Neither said much, and Shepard was grateful.

  
"I'm sorry, Commander," Chakwas said, finally, after applying medigel to the hole to seal it. "I knew you were due for your old implant to be replaced. But, we had just lost Williams, and you were mourning. I had thought we would have more time."

  
"It didn't seem that big a deal right then," he said, trying to absolve her. He almost succeeded; after all, he had a calendar of his own. "The ship had an even compliment of men and women. Even without the implant, I should have been fine. Nothing about the old Normandy could have triggered this."

  
"No, nothing on the ship should have," she said, but her eyes said something different, and Shepard had to fight to stop himself from squirming under her gaze. The comfortable silence from a few moments ago was but a memory, this time lost beneath things unsaid and remembered. Shepard closed his eyes; he couldn't bear the weight of hers.

  
"On the up side," Dr. Chakwas said, smiling, attempting to distract him. "After your long bout of death, you are now healthy as a horse. There's no reason you couldn't sire any children, or, if you so wish, carry them. You've just opened up your options, Commander." She patted his shoulder. "No doors have been closed here."

  
He didn't answer her, just reattaching his armor, and grabbed some of the sanitary supplies that the Doctor had so kindly laid out for him. "We'll talk later," he said, still unable to look at her, leaving the med-bay like he had a demon on his heels.

  
His retreat to the elevator, and then to his quarters, seemed almost a blessing. Barely an hour ago he had come from boarding the Normandy, overwhelmed but coping... but this?

  
He looked around, catching a strange reflection in the fish tank that took up most of the left wall: himself? Derek swallowed. He was afraid to find out.

  
There were probably bugs throughout his quarters, but there was no one there to see. He started with his shoulder guards, dropping them to the floor. That was followed by chest piece, then his leg guards, all shed as he stepped past the empty display cases. Closing his eyes against the sight of himself, naked, he shivered in the artificial cold of his cabin. Then he exhaled, and turned towards to the bathroom, hearing the door hiss open. Slow steps, and hands touching the walls got him to the toilet, then the sink, and his fingers brushed the cool smooth surface of the mirror.

  
Then he opened his eyes.

  
Now he knew why Tali had treated him as a stranger, and why Doctor Chawkwas had seemed slow to speak. Hellish orange, almost red light shown from jagged gashes along his jaw, at his brow. His eyes looked like his own, but they did not feel like his- too hard, a little too large. Even blinking felt strange, like he was wearing thick contacts. He touched himself, his face and head, working his way down.

  
His hair felt about right, perhaps longer than he remembered, but still thick and black. His old scars, the ones he got fighting on Elysium that had slashed his lips, and the one clipping his left brow, were gone.  
The glowing lines extended down his chest, and he felt himself touching skin that was too soft, too smooth. It wasn't the same skin that had worked with his sister and parents out in the fields of Mindoir. Old vaccination scars, calluses from wielding a shotgun, that place on his ass where his Mom's cat had gotten pissed off- all gone. No moles, no freckles. He had never lived in this skin before. A shudder, bone deep, rattled through his frame before he sat down on the toilet to inspect his legs and feet.

  
They told the same story. The old, squashed and misshapen toenail that had come from getting his foot smashed by a horse as a kid was gone. The scars from the slaver's attack, also gone. His feet, too, were soft as a baby's. Even the hair of his legs was fine, almost nonexistent.

  
Swallowing, he pulled his attention back up, to his crotch.

  
The changes weren't obvious to look at- he still had his cock, hanging there as normal. His balls... There was still some excess skin, but it seemed that the actual balls were no longer there. He guessed that they had retreated, up into body, as he had been told they would when he could... He swallowed. He couldn't complete that thought.

  
Closing his eyes again, Shepard plunged his fingers behind his penis and for the first time, touched his labia with trembling fingers.

  
He jumped. His hands were cold. The skin was sensitive, and he had known it would be. Sheer nerves and vague nausea kept away any arousal, and he pressed his fingers deep into himself.  
It wasn't too hard to find his cervix. Biting his lip, he slid his hand free. It was damp, and the smell was strange. Him, but not.

  
Getting to his feet, Derek stumbled to the shower, hitting the button for the hottest water possible. Then he scrubbed his new skin raw.

To be continued.


	2. Chapter Two: In which nightmares are had, waking and sleeping

  
**Breeder**

Chapter Two

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.

Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it. 

Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed. 

Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.

~*~*~*~*~

There was always a difference in being told what to expect, and actually experiencing it.

That was equally true of his biotic training as well as his new... status. 

"Mr. Taylor," Shepard had said, checking the clock and grabbing a towel to strip off the sweat. "Let's finish up for now." 

Derek had been training with both Jacob and Miranda to be able to access his biotic skills for the past week. He had picked up the mnemonics training shockingly fast; Miranda told him they had used stimulators to maintain muscle tone while he had been unconscious. They had added an additional program to help practice common biotic mnemonics and reinforce his muscle memory. 

Miranda had been quick to assure him that he would not suddenly find himself with the skills of a master chef or ballerina. It was akin to having watched a training vid multiple times, before trying it himself. Derek simply resolved not to think about it too hard. He couldn't deny the usefulness of those abilities.

Plus, the biotic charge? Something he would have to use cautiously. But _goddamn_ it was awesome.  


"You should head up to get something to eat. Using biotics burns up a lot of calories," Jacob reminded him, following Shepard into the elevator, toweling himself down. He stopped a meter from the other man. "Heard Rupert had actually made something edible for once." The handsome biotic's smile was genuine. "Thanks. Rupert's versatile, but he's no miracle worker. Quality food really came in handy."

The SR-2's central elevator was more than large enough for four people at a time, but Jacob closed in to arm's length. 

"No problem. I have to eat his food, too." Shepard shook his head, ruffling his damp hair to dry it. "I'm just happy he was able to make use of it."

"Same here." Shoulder to shoulder now, and his body language was all tilted towards the Commander. Shepard took a step to the side, out of reach. "And here we are." Jacob sounded disappointed. "Commander, care to share a table?"

Shepard blinked at him, taking in the warm flush of the other man's skin that had nothing to do with the exercise, and that he had taken another step closer. "No. I have a lot of paperwork. I'll just grab a tray and take it to my quarters. But, um. Thanks."

He was aware, painfully aware, the gaze of the male crew as he got a tray and bowl of gumbo. 

A week(two years) ago, he would have been flattered, if a bit confused, by the attention. After three days of having every male on the Normandy get into his personal space, Shepard was _not_ happy. 

Like when he had delivered the power couplings down to Donnelly and Daniels. Donnelly had made an awkward comment about coupling, poker, and an invitation to come back to help them celebrate their free time before shaking Shepard's hand for a good two minutes. 

Or when Rupert had tried to hand-feed him. Three times.

He shared a nod with Joker as he limped into the mess, heading to get his own tray of food. Paused, surprised, when Joker sniffed the air. "Hey, Commander?"

"Yeah, I know I need a shower." He backed up. "Biotics are harder than I thought."

"No," Joker said, shambling towards him before taking a long sniff. "Thought I smelled that in the elevator. You trying out some new cologne or something?"

"Er..."

"Not quite my thing, but damn. Commander, you trying to impress someone?" Joker asked, before wrinkling his nose and walking off. "I'm not your type!"

Shepard had winced. Then vowed to buy some Old Spice the next time they were at the Citadel.

~*~*~*~*~

Another two weeks passed. Shepard had kept to the mission first and foremost, but there had been moments of... just coping. And enough moments to make him recognize that he was _changed_.

Small things, or rather, they had started small. That damn bloat had refused to go away (accompanied by wider hips) for one thing. The next had been the cramps. They had started small, building up to a scraping ache. For all that Mindoir had been a backwater, their sex ed had been more thorough than most. He knew what those cramps were building up to.

The worst had to waking up. He dreamed- vivid, vague, explicit or just sweet- of old lovers and touches, wishes and memories mixing together to leave him aroused and unable to sleep, or even forget for awhile.

There was a picture of his old LT in his quarters. He wasn't sure if it was a kindness, or a mockery, but at the moment the memory of that dream got him to his feet, stumbling up the three steps to the work station and sitting down at his desk. Staring at the man, whose hands had been so gentle, checking him for wounds, those gorgeous, full lips that would be just _perfect_ around his cock-

_The hows and the whys didn't matter, not when Kaidan had him bent back, tongue plundering his mouth. Hands, all over him, teasing and tormenting as the other man refused to speak, just laughing as he pushed Shepard back onto the bed. His warm, golden eyes meeting Shepard's while peeling his pants down, teasing him as his mouth skimmed Shepard's cock, instead placing a kiss below it before sliding his tongue inside to caress Shepard's hot, dripping cunt._

He moaned, wetness dripping down his thighs and achingly empty. Flinging his left leg onto the desk, he stared at Kaidan's picture and pinched his right nipple before trailing down to his groin. He reached under his cock to gather up his own slick, he used it to coat his right hand before pumping it over his erect length. The fingers of his left hand went further, skimming the lower lips before pressing inside his new pussy, thrusting in time with his right hand. 

It took little time for him to come, back arching, the muscles of his stomach contracting and fluttering as he spurted into his right hand, the velvet clamp of his pussy clenching his left.

He calmed, taking deep breathes, warm satiation spreading through his muscles, relaxing before he caught sight of his hands. Both of them, wet and sticky, covered in the same clear juices. 

He stared at them for a very long time.

~*~*~*~*~

_"I'm sorry, Shepard," a voice said. Shepard blinked, looking up into a bright light, then into the sorrowful face of Doctor Chawkwas. A cold fist clenched around his heart. "There was nothing we could do."_

_Shepard opened his mouth. Pain flared, radiating down his back and belly. He shook his head to dispel it, trying to sit up. "That- no. That can't be true. What's wrong with him?"_

_"You just couldn't do it, Shepard," Miranda answered. She was dressed like the Doctor, in a medical gown and gloves, hair covered by a cap to keep it out of the way. "I know you did your best, but you just weren't enough." Her arms were soaked with blood up to the elbow. "You just aren't able to protect anyone that depends on you, even if you die in the attempt." She sounded conciliatory. "It's time you just accepted it."_

_"I need to see him," Shepard snarled, trying to get to his feet. Pain again rippled down his belly, his back, but he fought through it. "He was alive. I know he was. He was in bad shape, but he was fighting!"_

_"Come over here then," Miranda called, turning her back to him and walking over to a sheet covered table. The body of a turian clearly lay beneath it._

_The walk was excruciating, something tearing inside as he tried to make it, but eventually Shepard did._

_"I'm sorry," Shepard murmured, peeling back the sheet. He had let Garrus down. He should have gotten there sooner. He knew that Archangel was in trouble, but he went after Mordin first anyways. He couldn't save anyone._

_He choked, confusion making him freeze as he saw the small, bloody form of a fresh newborn._

_"I'm so sorry about your son, Commander," Miranda said, patting his shoulder. "I'm so sorry."_

Shepard woke up, grabbing at the hand that had put itself on his shoulder to wake him, flaring a biotic corona in surprise as Jacob pulled back. 

"Commander." Jacob didn't look particularly surprised to find Shepard there, waiting in the mess outside of the med-bay to find out how Garrus was doing. "He made it through the surgery. They had to use some cybernetics, and as far as we know, he'll have full functionality, but-"

Shepard nodded. "Is he able to take visitors yet?" he asked, noting that Jacob hadn't taken his hand off Shepard's shoulder. It was warm. Very warm. Shepard felt sick- he was worried to death about Garrus but his body was reacting to the simple contact by flushing, his groin heating. Adding that to his strange dream, and Shepard was a bit out of sorts.

Jacob took his hand off Shepard, who got up and ignored the other man (who followed him) as he went into the med-bay. To their mutual surprise, Garrus was already sitting up. Shepard stopped, dead still, and felt a smile split his face. There were blue blood stains on the floor, on the gown that covered the turian, the bandage on his face looked puffy, and his face looked unbalanced without his ever-present visor, but he was sitting up. 

Shepard had never seen anything so beautiful.

"Well, touch son of a bitch," Jacob said, eyebrows raised admiringly. "Didn't think you would be up yet."

"Nobody will give me a damn mirror," Garrus huffed, crossing his arms as Chawkwas tried to get him to lay back down. "How bad is it?"

Shepard tried to answer past the choked relief in his chest. He had to clear his throat before he managed to speak. "Hell, Garrus," he said, stuttered for a moment and paused. "You were always ugly. Just slap some face paint on their and no one will notice." 

Garrus tried to laugh, grabbed the side of his face, and flared his mandible. "Please, don't make me laugh," he begged. His voice was colored by pain as well as humor. "My face is barely holding together as it is." He shook his head. "I suppose it's for the best. Everyone was hitting on me, and ignoring you. Though I suppose there have to be some women who find scars attractive." He tilted his head, eyebrows lifting in the turian equivalent of a smile. "Though most of these women are krogan."

Jacob, who realized he wasn't needed for this conversation, saluted and left. 

Shepard sighed, walking over to sit on the edge of Garrus' bed. 

"Commander, I do hope you realize my patient hasn't been cleared for duty just yet," Chawkwas told him, sounding put out. "He can be up and having this conversation, but he really doesn't need to be in another firefight for another couple of days. We don't have a large supply of turian blood substitutes on hand, and while medigel helps, it's not perfect."

"I understand," Shepard said, nodding. "Mind if we talk for a bit?" he asked, and Chawkwas nodded back to him. She walked over to her desk and sat down, somewhat out of earshot.

"Frankly, Shepard, I'm more worried about you," Garrus said, laying back down. "Cerberus? Really, Shepard? You remember all those sick experiments they were doing?"

"Yeah, I do. I'm one of them. And that's why I'm glad you're here," Shepard retorted, taking Garrus' hand and giving it a squeeze. "If I'm walking into hell, I want someone I trust by my side."

Garrus blinked, looking down at Shepard's hand covering his. "You realize that this plan has me walking into hell, too?" He made a soft chuckle. "Just like old times."

Shepard didn't bother to hold back to relieved smile. "We'll get you settled when you're fit for duty. If you need anything, let me know." He eased off the bed, walking up to Garrus and gently pressing their foreheads together before leaving.

For the first time since waking up in this hell, Shepard didn't feel alone, or completely lost. Mentally, he flipped off his dream. Maybe, just maybe, he could do this. He could save someone.

 

To be continued.


	3. Chapter Three: Poker

  
**Breeder**

Chapter Three

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.

Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it. 

Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed. 

Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.

~*~*~*~*~

In the three weeks since they had started meeting for regular rounds of poker (with small odds- Ken couldn't afford to lose another five hundred creds) the alien crew had started to join in. This had come as a relief; getting Garrus to socialize (stop brooding) had been difficult.

"I mean, I really don't get it," Garrus said, tilting his head to throw back a shot of lavender spirits. "Cause it just... I see it in vids, and I know you humans got the same lips that asari do." He pawed his mandibles, skirting the heavy bandage. "But I just don't get _why_. What's so sexy about thick flaps of skin? _On your face?_ "

Shepard, who had been about to take a drink from his own beer, set it down with a thunk. The other humans, (Ken, Gabby, Zaeed and Jacob) and Mordin all stared at Garrus, opening their mouths to try to answer. 

"Says the guy with the weird- shaped- things!" Ken sputtered, already three sheets to the wind and flailing about his jaw. He was making no effort to cover his cards. He was in good, or at least equally inebriated, company.

"Well, lips are good for, um. Kissing," Gabby tried to reason, pointing at her mouth. "And that-"

"And they help with eating," Jacob said, rubbing his eyes. "And they, um-"

"Damn right they're sexy. You ever see what a goddamn whore can do with those things?" Zaeed said with a grunt. "I remember this one time, this asari did-" he started to gesture, vaguely, "with her tongue-"

"Human lips have a high concentration of nerve endings, used as a major touch receptor by children. Usually socialized out of it," Mordin buzzed, then inhaled. "Instead used as an erogenous zone-"

Shepard was no flyweight when it came to drinking. He was usually sober, polite, and a do-gooder. None of that stopped him from making eye contact with Garrus, sliding his tongue down the side of his beer, up to the top again and wrapping his lips around the head and deep-throating the damn thing.

Zaeed, Ken and Gabby burst out laughing. Jacob's eyes bugged out, jaw going slack... and Garrus was just speechless. He did, however, cross his legs.

"Uh..."

Shepard pulled his lips off the bottle head with a pop, and gave everyone a shit-eating grin. "Well, Garrus, you _did_ ask."

"Damn, Shepard, didn't know you had that in you," Zaeed chortled. "I should have known you were a man's man." Next to him, Jacob's mouth flopped open and shut, before licking his lips and crossing his legs as well. 

"Interesting display. Demonstrating sexual prowess towards another male as a challenge?" Mordin looked fascinated. "Cross-species same-sex flirtation? Uncommon, should be taking notes." Said scientist promptly whipped out his omni-tool. "Not aware that you were sexually attracted to other species, Shepard. History indicated preference for humans only. Makes sense, goes along with genetic modifications." Mordin sucked in air, eyes wide and amused. "Unexpected."

This time it was Shepard's turn to choke, as he'd been about to finish his beer, coughing and shaking his head. "No," he said, still coughing, and Ken pounded him on the back. Shepard cleared his throat. "No, not flirting with you, or Garrus." He coughed again, before inhaling and sitting back up. "Just, showing off a little." He smiled, a bit self-consciously this time. "Sometimes it's better to give an example, right?"

"Hmm." Mordin didn't answer, just tapped his chin. "Spoke too soon? Self-conscious? Mindoir modifications not public record? Curious, thought you would be courting due to increased sex-drive. Apologies."

And perhaps Mordin had chosen to drink a little too much of his green flask. It had unhinged his tongue, at least. 

"Mindoir gene-mods?" Gabby asked, eyes glazed over and listing towards Ken, who was still snickering. "What's so special about that? I mean, I'm former Alliance- we all are. We all got'em."

Zaeed and Mordin opened their mouths as the same time, but Shepard cut them both off. "On Mindoir, my generation was altered to be more fertile than your average human. Those of us that survived, we'll have an easier time conceiving, and the women are more likely to carry multiples." He sat back, and glared at the two who had tried to speak. Zaeed's eyebrows had hit his hairline, while Mordin had gone back to tapping his chin. 

"Of course, Shepard. Accurate," he paused, inhaled. "Assessment. Forgot to mention increased libido, however."

Shepard rolled his eyes. "If you're asking why I don't think with my penis-" and here Ken's laughter got harder- "It's called military discipline. And hormone treatments. Now are we going to finish dealing cards, or do I need to carry Ken up to his bunk?"

"Oi, I'm fine Commander," the Scott protested, speech slurred. "Ye know I can drink more than that-"

"You're just afraid he'll molest you," Gabby said, patting Ken's shoulder. "Don't worry, I won't let the big, bad commander have your ass. It's mine, anyways."

There was a snort, this time from Garrus as he shook his head. "I'll help you get back to the crew deck if the Commander scares you that much. Instead of your human commander, you just have to worry about the big, scary turian." He stood, helping the stumbling, drunken man who was bemoaning his fate and the fate of his ass, and saying there was _no way_ his lips were as good as the Commander's, over his shoulder. Gabby just laughed, half hanging off Garrus herself as they walked towards the elevator. 

"I've got the food," Jacob said, piling the half empty bags of nuts, crisps, and the blue meat skewers that Garrus liked so much. "I'll take these back to the mess." He looked at the Commander for permission, who nodded, grabbing bottles and cups to take to the mess as well. Zaeed was the only one who had not sprung into action to help with the cleanup, and Shepard lifted an eyebrow at his lack of cooperation. The mercenary rolled his eyes, but took his cue and grabbed the folding table to take back up to the mess as well. 

Together, they piled into the elevator when it returned, and Shepard focused on the door ahead of him. Jacob was shoulder to shoulder to him, and he could feel Zaeed's breath on his neck. It only took a few seconds for the three humans to stop at the crew deck, finishing their tasks and saying good night. 

Mordin murmured to himself about samples- he had been remotely monitoring his lab using his omni-tool- and retreated there when the elevator returned.

"Shepard, you got a minute?" Zaeed asked, standing and rolling the kinks out of his neck. 

Shepard frowned. "What's on your mind?"

Zaeed flashed a smirk over his face, before gesturing for Shepard to follow him. "Need to ask you a few questions," he said, as they waited for the elevator again. "Going on to bed, Taylor?"

"Yeah," Jacob said, covering a yawn. "My next shift starts in about six hours. Need to catch some shut eye. Got some new weapons mods I want to work on." He crossed his arms and nodded to towards the crew quarters. "And," he paused, looking over at Shepard, and cleared his throat. "Um. Commander, please tell me the next time you plan to show off." He swallowed. "I won't wear tight pants."

This time it was Shepard's turn to feel sheepish, but he felt a bit of his good humor return. "That would be a shame, Mr. Taylor," he said, with an exaggerated leer, before turning it into a laugh. "I'll, um, refrain from drinking anything from a bottle next time."

"Oh hell no," Jacob said, before chuckling. "I'd hate to see what you would do with a cup. Good night, Commander." Turning, he shuffled off, for once forgetting to toss off a salute and heading towards the crew quarters, and his bunk.

"Goddamn. Never thought I would see that kid loosen up." Zaeed sounded impressed. "Huh. Must be those pheromones."

Derek blinked, mouthing the word and frowning as he followed Zaeed into the elevator to take them back down to the Engineering deck. This time, Zaeed stood across from him, eying him up and down, with an odd expression on his face. 

"Is something wrong? We don't usually talk much," Shepard asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"Hm." Zaeed kept looking at him, crossed his arms and leaned back. "Never thought I'd meet another Mindoir breeder. Thought most of you were all killed or captured in that batarian raid."

" _Another_ breeder?" Shepard asked, twisting to look at the mercenary. His hands knotted into fists as he glowered. The door to the elevator opened, and he followed Zaeed out. "What are you talking about?" _What do you know about me?_

"Met one, out in the Terminus systems. Poor bastard had somehow managed to escape slavery, but he wasn't right in the head." Zaeed paused, as they walked down the hall and entered starboard cargo. The door closed behind them when he continued. "Didn't have any goddamn hormone treatments, either. He'd managed to survive years of torture, but me and my squad, we were the first humans he'd been around for years. All male." Zaeed turned towards a crate, and reached for the seals of his armor. "I'm sure you can guess what happened next."

Shepard had not known everyone on Mindoir. That didn't stop his the flutter of remembered rage and helplessness in his gut. "What was his name?"

"He didn't know." Zaeed turned back. He had doffed his armor, revealing a t-shirt and fatigue pants. "But the change hit him quick, only took a few days. Horniest bugger I'd ever met. We had to take turns with him, just so he could function."

Shepard frowned, reaching to tug at the collar of his uniform. He felt warm. "What happened to him?"

"Took him to an Alliance outpost. They were able to get him to a hospital, but he was already starting to show." Zaeed shrugged, before stepping up into Shepard's space. Shepard eyeballed him, crossing his arms but refusing to step backwards. He could feel Zaeed's breath on his face. "Last I heard, he miscarried." 

"You're a sick bastard, you know that?" Shepard said, smiling without humor, feeling his breath quicken as he braced himself. "Why the fuck are you telling me this? To throw my gene mods in my face? Just waxing _goddamn nostalgic_ about fucking someone who couldn't say 'no'?" He leaned in, snarling, rage curdling on his tongue. "What do you want?"

Zaeed laughed.

Shepard had been expecting some kind of blow. He had expected to grabbed, or maybe pushed into a wall. His body hummed with tension, ready to throw Zaeed with his biotics, knee him in the groin or just get a punch in-

What he had not expected, was a kiss. Shepard's eyes went wide as Zaeed stepped in even closer, putting his heavy, callused hands on Shepard's waist and pulling them chest to chest. Warm slick stroked against his lips, while a large bulge rubbed against his crotch. Shepard trembled, mouth opening in surprise, and Zaeed took the chance to thrust his tongue inside the other man's mouth. His hands roamed, up and down Shepard's sides, then down to his ass for a squeeze. Not forcefully, no, but with no hesitation and no fear he would be denied. 

Despite the situation, it had been a _long_ time since Shepard had been touched. Rage transmuted into surprised arousal. His new channel throbbed, spreading wider. Warmth flowed down the inside his legs, soaking his boxer-briefs even as his cock stiffened. He wasn't quite sure how this had happened, but his blood _burned_ , and his head felt light. When Zaeed broke the kiss, he followed the other man's lips with his own, humming in confusion.

"A question? Gone through the change yet? Are you ripe, Shepard?" Zaeed whispered, smirking, shucking Shepard's pants down his hips to reach between his thighs. He muffled Shepard's surprised moan with his mouth as he sought Shepard's sopping wet pussy, first teasing the lips before easing a rough finger inside. "Oh, indeed you are." The old soldier sounded pleased. "You are," he purred, moving his lips down to Shepard's neck, and herding him towards the back wall. 

"Zaeed," Shepard puffed, grabbing at the old mercenary's arms to keep from staggering. "Wait- why are you..." The fingers that had been teasing his cunt where gone, and he whined at their loss. Yet the other part of his mind, the part that commanded and was not ruled by instinct, was shouting that something was wrong here. He hadn't agreed to this. "Stop."

Zaeed chuckled, low in his throat. "You really don't want me to stop, do you?" He opened the seals of Shepard's dress tunic, striping the heaving fabric off the Commander and tossing it aside. "Because while you might not be out there tripping men into your bed, you're a goddamn breeder." Zaeed made a wet trail from Shepard's ear, down his neck, before pinning him against the wall. "And your body needs this," he hissed. He mouthed Shepard's painfully tight nipples, growling in pleasure when Shepard arched his back and mewed. "Damn cock tease." 

"I said," Shepard muttered, more weakly than he would have liked. "Stop." He shook his head, but he couldn't get his feet, or fists, to act. 

"And you fucking don't want me to," Zaeed said, pulling away, only to unfasten his pants. "Because if I stop, you'll be back in an hour, begging for my cock in your cunt." He shoved Shepard's pants and underwear to his knees. He reached into his pocket, removing a condom before dropping his own pants and underwear then stepping out of them. "Because we did." Zaeed sighed, leaning back to roll the condom down his length. "We didn't touch the poor bastard until he was begging for us to fuck him. He stopped eating. Wouldn't talk. Couldn't do much of anything, really." Zaeed paused, getting Shepard's underwear to his ankles and pulling one leg free. Lifting that leg, he wrapped it around his waist and guided the head of his heavy erection to tease Shepard's entrance. "You've got a bit more control than he did, but you need a good, deep fucking, just the same."

Shepard gasped, clawing Zaeed's back as he was filled, opened up, spread apart. He hated it; he wanted _more_. "You son of a bitch," he wheezed, panting for air as he ground against Zaeed's member, wrapping both legs around the man's waist. His answer was a deep growl, and Zaeed's hips pulling back before snapping back inside Shepard's body, keeping a slow, drawn-out pace. 

"See?" Zaeed said, lips against Shepard's ear. "You're enjoying this. You're soaked. You need to have a real man deep inside you," he thrust again, and Shepard bared his teeth in a wordless howl. Zaeed sped up, and the sound of skin slapping on wet skin filled the small room. "Tell me. You really, really want me to _stop?_ " Zaeed murmured, stilling his hips, buried hilt deep and dropping one of Shepard's feet to the floor. He stood straight, backing away, dragging his length from of Shepard's body. "Go on. Leave."  
The emptiness _hurt_. Both feet on the floor, he staggered against the wall, wiping saliva from his lips. His breath sobbed in his lungs. His dick, thick and hard, bobbed in the air. And he looked over at Zaeed, who was stroking himself and smiling at the flushed, aroused mess Shepard knew he had to be. 

Getting to his feet, Shepard swallowed, shuddered. "Why?" He felt sloppy and dripping inside, and all he could think was that he wanted to be filled _again_ , despite what it meant giving up. "Damnit, Zaeed, _why_?" Yet asking to be fucked again, to finish, was something his dignity just would not allow. He stood, on trembling legs. 

He needed to get out of here.

"Because you're sexy as hell and I wanted to jump the line," Zaeed answered, easily, eyebrows raising as Shepard stumbled a few steps away from him. "Oh goddammit, Shepard," he muttered, grabbing Shepard's hands, and this time, the kiss was forceful. This time, Shepard didn't fight, chest heaving as he gave in to the kiss, luxuriated in it, and let Zaeed coax him over to his cot. His knees gave out as he laid down, opening his legs for Zaeed as the old mercenary climbed over him. He moaned as Zaeed slid home, quivering, wrapping his legs around the old mercenary again and running his blunt nails down Zaeed's back. 

Shepard mewed again when Zaeed grabbed his cock, pumping up and down in time with his thrusts. A deep, delicious tingle built inside as Zaeed hit something wonderful. A few more thrusts had him crashing into orgasm, biting down on Zaeed's shoulder, spurting fluid and clenching on Zaeed's hard length. 

Zaeed cursed at the bite, continuing to pound away. Shepard relaxed, grunting with each thrust but not running away. Zaeed's face twisted, and with two more hard pumps he came, forcing himself as deeply into Shepard's body as he could. He then slumped on top of Shepard, gasping for a moment and sighed. Zaeed then chuckled, looking down at the exhausted and sweaty mess beneath him, dropping one last kiss before pulling out to peel the condom off his softening member.

"Fuck," Shepard mumbled, not able to look at Zaeed, just keeping his eyes closed. "Couldn't you have bought me a drink first?"

"What, you some kind of girl now?" Zaeed said, snorted, but he was oddly gentle as he grabbed a towel to start sponging Shepard off. "You needed to get laid, Shepard. You're going to be twitchy, and horny as hell while you're fertile, hormone implants or not. I just did you a favor."

Shepard licked his lips, and got up to his elbow, before struggling to sit up. His cunt felt bruised, sore, but the ache was pleasant even as it complained with every movement. "And yourself, too?" Shepard covered his face with his hands. "I'm only going to warn you once." He straightened, glaring at the mercenary, eyes hard. "You touch me like that again? Without me saying 'yes'? I won't just kill you, I'll feed your balls to a varren first."

"Right," Zaeed said, smirking. "And when you come back for more, you can suck my cock. I take it we understand each other?"

Shepard growled, getting up on shaky legs, reaching for his uniform. His knees trembled as he dragged on his uniform. He couldn't look at Zaeed, listening to him light a cigarette as he staggered out of Starboard Cargo. 

He needed a shower.

To be continued  
Questions, comments and criticisms welcome and appreciated.


	4. Chapter Four: Coping

  
**Breeder**

Chapter Four

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.

Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it. 

Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed. 

Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.

~*~*~*~*~

Shepard refused to name what had happened between himself and Zaeed.

He scrubbed himself down, ignoring the not-pain in his groin. A distant part of his mind told him it should have hurt more. He should be bleeding, because he had _not_ wanted to... He closed his eyes, shivers quaking down his back. He was almost as disgusted by his body's pleasure in the act as his own inability to fight back.

He couldn't name it. Not because he was stupid, but because to acknowledge what happened would mean he had been powerless to stop it and he was Derek Shepard, dammit. He fought back. He survived. He struggled. He did not lay there and take it. 

But he had. Echoes of that pleasure, that all it had taken had been Zaeed touching him, added to a feeling of nausea that he desperately wanted to ignore. Acknowledging that it was Zaeed's fault for taking advantage of his state was too much for him. It meant seeing himself as a victim. Of the Collectors, of the batarian pirates, of his own parents. So he refused to name it, and went back to clutch at the things he _could_ control. 

Which was why, an hour later and dressed in a clean uniform, he went to speak with Mordin.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Shepard had known that salarians needed only an hour or so of sleep, and he had ever confidence of the hyperactive scientist still being awake. The alcohol of their poker game had long since worn off, leaving Shepard sober and exhausted. There were very few crewmen awake in the CIC as he walked into the tech lab, and he hoped this wouldn't cause another bout of gossip. That was the last thing he needed.

But getting control of his body was more important.

"Shepard," Mordin acknowledged, as the Commander walked into the lab. "How can I help?"

He had to wonder what those sharp eyes saw. Shepard tried to ignore his misgivings, and cleared his throat. "Got a minute to talk?"

They had spoken already of Mordin's time with the salarian STG, and his work with the genophage. He didn't think Mordin would expect a conversation about that right now anyways.

"Yes, wanted to talk. Needed to apologize for comment on Mindoir genetic project. Had forgotten that Mindoir experiments considered an embarrassment. Fascinating idea, psychologically and physically damaging, but fascinating idea. Did not ask personal view of being involved in such experiment. Apologies. Did not mean to cause friction within crew," Mordin said, almost all in one breath. He sucked in air. "Hope you are not upset."

Shepard rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah. That's what I wanted to talk about. I'm not... I'm not mad at you. I'm more curious to know what you know about the mods and if you can think of a way to counter them."

Mordin blinked. "Interesting request. Having difficulties? Given access to ships medical records, saw that you had gone through the second stage to allow internal conception and gestation. Did not know such things embarrassed you. Curious to ask why you are embarrassed, however."

Shepard crossed his arms. "The Mindoir colony knew that their experiments were... unsanctioned, to say the least. We were told, over and over again, that while there was nothing wrong with us, that _no one_ off world could know. Our parents, our teachers, our role models, all told us that this was for the greater good but we had no say in the matter." He shrugged. "You don't keep something right and normal a secret. Then I join the Alliance marines as an adult, and find out that it _was_ wrong. It's hard to shake the idea that..." He trailed off and shook his head. "I'm also in a position where I need to keep a cool head and act rationally. Increased libido isn't bad when you're in basic training and you're surrounded by young hotheads in the same boat. Is there any way you can modify my hormone implants so that I'm _not_ willing to bend over for anyone who makes a pass at me?" 

Mordin fluttered his fingers over his chin. "Number of possibilities. Not all of them viable, however. Easiest, but least favorable, is to have a hysterectomy and orchiectomy. Lack of organs means lowered or non-existent sex drive. Not optimal as you have not had an opportunity to reproduce and might decide differently later in life. Given previous sexual history, can deduce that would be unwelcome as well. _Can_ modify implants and treatments, but time-consuming with potentially unpleasant side effects. Given nature of mission, also not optimal. However, more viable than others. Another option is to induce pregnancy. Pregnancy hormones would inhibit mating instincts, at least in the beginning. However, given that time frame for mission unclear, would cause potentially awkward outcome. More balanced and least intrusive option would be optimizing implant, as well as finding an outlet for sexual impulses. Regular activity would reduce cravings, give more control over instincts as well as deter, ah, unwanted suitors." 

Shepard's eyebrows went up. "You're telling me that my best option is finding a fuck buddy?"

"One option. Prostitutes are another. Purchasing masturbatory aids may not be as effective, but least likely to cause friction among crew, as well as prevent diseases. Can't tell you what to do in this case, Shepard." He smiled, doing an imitation of a human shrug. "Personal choice. One more thing. Should remind you, that you are not a broken person. Genetic modifications to Mindoir children unconscionable, but you choose your response." He exhaled then inhaled. 

"Are you all right, Shepard?"

Shepard blinked. "Not used to people asking, Professor."

"Am asking. Look disturbed."

"I'll cope." He shrugged, and hid his wince. He ached not just from Zaeed's... intrusion, but because he was steadily building towards his first menstrual period. "I'll cope."

~*~*~*~*~

Zaeed, damn him, had been right.

Two weeks later, and he'd been waking up, middle of the night, with a raging hard-on as well as slick thighs. His mind was wandering when he wasn't focusing exclusively on a mission, wandering to musings that inevitably lead to mental porn. People were starting to notice. And others were stepping up their efforts to 'court' him.

That was when he made a surprising discovery.

"Shepard," Garrus said, eyes wide when Shepard all but ran inside the forward batteries, letting the doors close behind him before leaning on those doors like he was being chased by a pack of wild varren. "What's wrong?"

The Commander blinked at him, and sighed to relax the tension in his shoulders. "I'm hiding."

"Hiding? What happened? Gardner try to feed you again?" Garrus asked, a soft chuckle in his voice that belayed the angry tension that had been there since he had come aboard. "I knew I was giving you a better chance of getting hit on, I just didn't realize it would be by the men." His eye ridges lifted in a smile. "I mean, I knew you liked both, just..."

Shepard shook his head. "Must be my cologne." He snorted. "No, Zaeed is-" He stopped, and aborted a shudder. "Just needing some time away from the Cerberus logo." 

"You okay? Your skin is more red than normal, you're breathing hard and you're damp," Garrus asked, sitting down on one of the crates. "I know I've been distracted, but don't push yourself too hard. You collapse, they'll ask me to take over, and without you to stand in between us everyone on board will be all over _me_. That would be awkward."

Derek grimaced, wiping his face on his sleeve. He had just finished a mission with the Hammerhead, on Corag. The adrenaline had been incredible, facing off against his old nemesis, and that the Hammerhead was fragile as an egg hadn't helped matters. Then he had disembarked upon completion of the mission. And Zaeed had been there. 

Shepard ran. Given that he _knew_ how he reacted to adrenaline-

He blinked, coming out of his reverie with a start. He felt a _lot_ calmer. No scent of human in the forward battery to distract him. In fact... He felt the most relaxed he had since waking up on Lazarus Station. His eyes flicked over to Garrus, who was starting to look worried when he hadn't answered. 

"Given that you never figured out how to deal with lips, let alone _breasts_ , you bet your ass that would be awkward," Shepard said with a grin. The sheer relief of having _no_ human pheromones to deal with almost made him giddy. "Hell, even I'm not happy with all this attention. Never thought I was _that_ attractive."

Garrus' smile, if anything, got wider. "Must be the tension on this ship. Plus, you demonstrating that," he gestured with a finger towards his non-existent lips, "mouth thing? Even I'm not immune to that."

Shepard whipped his head around to stare at Garrus, who had his mandibles flaring in amusement. Nothing, just humor on his face, dropping the tension that had been present in his frame since his team had been killed. 

Good for both of them, perhaps. "Well, I'm always happy to contribute to universal love and understanding," Shepard quipped. "Should I demonstrate any other inappropriate sexual techniques unique to human physiology? Or you could return the favor?"

Garrus blinked at him, and the smile turned wicked. Standing, he walked over to Shepard... 

And licked the tip of Derek's nose. From twenty centimeters away. 

"Consider us even?"

~*~*~*~*~*~

Awakening Grunt had left Shepard with a bruised back, thoughtful mood, and conflicted instincts. On the one hand, he saw a potential danger to his crew, and on the other, he saw a new member of his crew that needed guidance. It was an instinct that he had always had; he had always fussed over his crew.

He couldn't help but contrast the young Grunt to the weary and worn Wrex. He would have given his left eye to have Wrex back with him; the old warrior was a tank, indestructible and canny. Truth be told, Shepard had more than a bit of an admiring crush on him despite the more obvious romantic tensions between himself and Kaidan. None of that baggage should spill out over Grunt. 

It was obvious that whatever emotions Okeer had tried to impart to the tank-born had not worked. All he knew was a desire to fight. Shepard hoped that he would gain enough perspective not to get himself, and anyone with him, killed.  


With those thoughts, he went on his rounds, visiting his crew to check up on them and avoiding Zaeed. The engineers were talking about Miranda's bust, Kasumi was still stung but dealing about the loss of Keji's gray box, he cooed over baby pictures with Rolston and Patel, Miranda had little to report after their initial conversation about her own genetic engineering. Garrus was exceptionally broody, but refusing to talk about it; Shepard guessed that his last lead on Sidonis hadn't panned out. He refused to taste-test Rupert's latest batch of gumbo, bullshitting something about a diet. Doctor Chawkwas offered him a hot pack to help with his cramps. 

He went up to the CIC, chatted a few minutes with Kelly. She was a pleasure to flirt with, even if there was no real attraction there. She seemed to enjoy the interaction as a pleasant diversion, just as much as he did. The other crew hailed him, and tried to distract him from the fact that Joker was indulging in some pretty nasty hanar-asari porn. Mordin had been working on a more effective implant for him, but it was understandably on the back burner. They needed the countermeasure first.

Then he walked in on Jacob, who was focused on polishing the assault rifle in his hands. He blinked, looked over his shoulder when Shepard arrived. He put down the rifle to give a salute. 

"Commander," he said, serious as always. "I, um, hope that I wasn't too... inappropriate at the poker game a few weeks ago." He looked sheepish. "Not used to seeing a commanding officer let his hair down, so to speak."

Shepard rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah. You're not the only one regretting that." He shook his head. "But you were fine, Mr. Taylor. It was good to see you relax a little. I like to know my crew."

Jacob's face filled with something strange, confused, but he seemed to shake it off. "Wanted to talk to you a bit about the new armor," he said, nodding to his workstation. "We'll be able to get it installed next time we head into berth." Shepard stepped beside him, humming as he noted the specs and how it would affect the overall performance of the ship. 

They were shoulder to shoulder, and Shepard looked down when he felt a hand cover his, and another tilt his face up for a kiss. 

It was a sweet kiss, soft and gentle, and Shepard's mind shut down in a blind panic as he was tugged towards Jacob's chest. Arousal flooded his veins, burning down to his groin even as he fought to keep his mind clear, not shut down in lust or attack Jacob in fear. His heart thundered in his chest, pulse in his ears, but he had been having a harder and harder time keeping his lusts in check. 

Jacob felt good under his hands, muscular and warm, and when he tongued Derek's lips they opened, letting the other man stroke the inside of his mouth. Hands rested just above his ass, not going further. Jacob just held Shepard close, before breaking the kiss and leaning their foreheads together. 

"Stop," Shepard whispered, lips swollen, wet and trembling, eyes closed. "Please."

"What? Am I reading you wrong?" Jacob murmured, moving up Shepard's back with his hands. He gave Shepard another soft brush of the lips. Shepard shuddered.

"You know about my," he licked his lips. "Condition?"

"I-" Jacob paused, shaking his head. "Yes. I was there, caused a big uproar when you changed." He nuzzled the side of Shepard's neck. "You smell good."

"Jacob," Shepard muttered, finding the will to push against him, breaking the embrace. "You're the straightest man I have ever met. You know about the pheromones. And if you keep pressing," he swallowed, hands shaking as he viciously repressed his memories of Zaeed. "I won't be able to say no."

"You," Jacob frowned, inhaling, shaking himself free, stepping away. "I- you don't want this." He closed his own eyes, biting his lip. "I'm sorry, I thought you were..."

"I seem to be getting that from all the human men on this ship lately," Derek said, sitting down on the work bench and rubbing his lips dry. He took several long, deep breaths, getting his racing heart under control. "And hell, if you were still Alliance, and _not_ obviously carrying a torch for Miranda, I would have asked you out already." He leaned back, shuddering. "But I don't want someone else taking advantage of me when I can't," he broke off, seeing Jacob's eyes widen, jaw dropping and crossing his eyes. 

"Someone on board-"

"Will be dealt with," Shepard said, getting up. "Trust me on this." He shook himself, then gave Jacob a smile. "We good, Mr. Taylor?"

"Aye, sir," Jacob answered. He paused. "Have you talked to Miranda about your, ah, problem? I know you don't trust her yet, but she knows more about you than anyone else."

"No, I don't think I will," Shepard said, nodding, then put his hand on Jacob's shoulder. "Thank you."

"Don't thank a person for doing the right thing," Jacob answered, turning away from Shepard. "Be careful."

To be continued.  
Questions, comments and criticisms appreciated.


	5. Chapter Five: Whatever it takes

  
**Breeder**

Chapter Five

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.

Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it.

Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed. 

Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Shepard had never thought he would miss the Mako. That was before they had acquired the goddamn Hammerhead, and realized that, while being able to hover was cool? So was thick, solid armor. Being able to skip over lava was awesome. So was not being _anywhere near that lava_.

He heard screams, prayers, curses, and other praise for his piloting skills as he, Zaeed and Kasumi hopped from ledge to ledge, not looking back to see the flood of molten stone that was surging upwards to swallow their flimsy craft. He would have been quite happy to _not_ have Kasumi howling in his ear that it was coming while he tried to concentrate on getting the fuck out. In the background, Zaeed kept up a steady stream of invective, including some languages that his translator glitched on. 

The ledges were disappearing as they shot through the tunnels, the world rattling as dust fell down, obscuring their sensors. He felt Kasumi shriek, grabbing his shoulders as he grit his teeth, hitting the thrusters and forward engines in time to avoid one last chasm-

And the Normandy emerged from the billowing plumes of gas, cargo bay doors open for the catch as the poor Hammerhead managed one last jump before lava licked the bottom of the hull, making their engines die. Forward momentum was all that kept them going, skidding to a sparking stop before rolling twice. 

"We alive?" Kasumi whimpered. Like the men, she was strapped in, and thus was only disoriented and bruised instead of a splatter on the inside of the windshield. There was only wheezing from the two men, before Shepard started to laugh. 

"Well, good to see you keeping your sense of humor about the whole thing," Kasumi said, before unbuckling herself and getting out. She didn't bother to say anything else, adjusting her red hood to keep her face hidden and all but running out of the cargo hold. 

Shepard couldn't blame her. He took a few more moments to get his straps undone, and didn't offer to help Zaeed, who was moving a bare moment behind him. 

He could still feel the terror, the sheer adrenaline making him chuckle as he struggled to get himself free of the seats and crawl towards the exit, before a hand landed on his shoulder. Zaeed looked at him, a proprietary expression on his face. 

"Got a minute?" he asked, his hands already working the seals of Shepard's armor. "You might learn something."

"Shit, Zaeed," Shepard snapped, scrambling in his seat, reaching for his weapon. But Zaeed was faster, diving down to claim his lips, holding Shepard down with his weight as he ravished his mouth. Shepard squeaked into the kiss, the adrenaline in his system turning to arousal so quickly his mind fogged. His fingers dug into the Hammerhead's wall as he humped Zaeed's leg, tongues tangling and panting for air. It was the feeling of Zaeed's hands reaching for the seals on his armor that shook him free, and he threw Zaeed off with his biotics.

"I told you," Shepard snarled, backing away and grabbing his shotgun. Zaeed was lucky it wasn't his full kick, and he wasn't being peeled off the Hammerhead's floor.

"You didn't say 'no'," Zaeed answered, smiling despite the impact, and backed away. He didn't look worried. "You can go whenever you want, just like last time. I don't need to convince you." He brushed past Shepard to exit the Hammerhead, a bounce in his step. "I'll be here when you need me." Shepard watched him disappear to starboard cargo.

Shepard exhaled, getting to a squat, then hauling himself to his feet and climbing out of the battered Hammerhead. 

Walking was difficult. His cock was hard, chafing against his armor and he could felt slick wetness down his thighs. It was a feeling he had gotten familiar with in the past week. Ever since turning down Jacob, any time he wasn't with Garrus, or actively shooting at people, he was painfully, _distractedly_ , horny. His dreams were of sex. He had to change his underwear three times a day. He wasn't in danger of attacking anyone or dragging them into nearby nooks, but he was getting foggy at bad moments. That was unacceptable.

He shuddered, tempted to rub himself to get some relief as he got into the elevator. Maybe, if he hid in the Forward Batteries for awhile..? But he quickly found Garrus asleep, and waking him would reveal that something was wrong with Shepard. He didn't want to burden his best friend with that.

He went to his quarters, dragging off his armor and jumping into a cold shower. He had tried to get himself off yesterday with toys. He had come, only to be immediately roused again. It was exhausting, troubling, and painful.

_I'll be here when you need me._

"Fuck," Shepard muttered, forehead against the cool shower wall. Being around Garrus had helped mitigate the arousal, but didn't kill it completely. Jacob would probably bed him, but he didn't trust the man far enough. The same went with any of the other Cerberus crew, male or female. Joker? His condition made intercourse difficult, if not impossible. Toys got him off, but it wasn't near enough to satisfy him. "Just... fuck."

_And when you come back for more, I'll make you suck my cock._ Why did the memory of those words make his mouth water? Was he that desperate? 

He slammed his fist into the wall and wiped drool from his chin. _Yes, I am._

~*~*~*~*~*~

Twenty minutes later, Shepard found himself before the door to starboard cargo, dressed in fatigues, a mix of panic and arousal making his pulse pound his ears. He was _tired_ , weary of this madness, and wondering what the hell he was thinking. He wasn't really. Thinking didn't really seem to be helping.

Zaeed was leaning against the back wall, sharpening one of his knives. The older man lifted an eyebrow as Shepard arrived. "Back for more?" he asked, driving the tip of his knife into a crate. He stood. Shepard noted that he was not wearing any armor, dressed in worn gray fatigues. He wasn't smiling, but he did seem rather amused. "You held out for a long time, I'll give you that." Zaeed walked to Shepard and cupped his cheek. "I'm even more surprised that you haven't turned into the ship bicycle." He ran his thumb over Shepard's lips. "Well," a smile curled Zaeed's mouth. "Clothes off, then on your knees. I want to see that silver tongue of yours at work."

Shepard didn't fight. Instead, he swallowed, mechanically peeling off his shirt, feeling Zaeed's eyes on his skin. The other man didn't move, eyebrow raised as Shepard first stepped out of his boots, then his pants, leaving him bared, aroused and disgusted with himself. Without a word, he knelt in front of Zaeed to nuzzle the front of his pants, feeling the hot length jump underneath. He mouthed it through the cloth, listening to Zaeed hum in pleasure before opening the pants and pulling down both pants and briefs. 

He was hard already, and Shepard sighed as the tip hit him on the nose. Shepard took a long lick down to the base, nibbling back up to the top before taking the length in hand. His lips wrapped around the head, lashing the tip with his tongue before relaxing his throat and swallowing the length as deeply as he could.

Zaeed groaned, hips jerking against Derek's mouth, fingers threading in his dense black hair.

"You know why you didn't spread yourself for the other men on board?" Zaeed ground out, voice hoarse with pleasure. "Ever give it any thought?"

Shepard didn't answer. Zaeed's cock was hot, throbbing in his mouth, the smell and the taste enveloping his senses. He bobbed his head, tongue working the sides, before palming and gently rolling Zaeed's balls. 

"You're built to squeeze brats out from between your legs." He was jerked off Zaeed's cock with a pop, pulled to his feet, dazed and licking his lips. His mouth was plundered, Zaeed stripping off his shirt and twisting his left nipple. Shepard yelped, then moaned. "And you want the strongest man you can get."

"What?" Shepard panted, hands moving over Zaeed's chest, tracing thick scars and broad shoulders. It pissed him off that a sexy man was such an _asshole_ , and he really... really... He grunted in surprise when Zaeed picked him up at the waist, setting him on a crate. Shepard leaned back, legs falling open, and shouted hoarsely when Zaeed stroked his tongue up and down the lips, kissing and thrusting his tongue inside. He palmed Derek's stiff prick, listening to the younger man whimper, as he wound higher and tighter.

Zaeed pulled back as he felt the light tremors though Shepard's body, listening to him curse, licking up to kiss his navel. "You want a baby in there," he muttered, pressing another kiss further up his belly. He pulled Shepard back down to him. "Women grow up with the idea, deal with the instinct if they have it. You- you were _made_ for this." Zaeed sat on his cot, laying down on his back and pulling Shepard to straddle him- but not onto his bare erection. "You _want_ to be filled with my jizz, feel my baby under your belt." Shepard stared at Zaeed in horror he reflexively wiggled into place, sank down, the tip, the head, the length of it filling him up; his shrill moan echoed in the small space as Zaeed thrust upwards. 

It was Shepard's legs bouncing him up and down on Zaeed's pole, his mouth open as he sobbed in pleasure as Zaeed continued talking. He hissed about how he wanted to see Shepard's nipples leaking milk, his belly big and round, and Shepard rode him hard. His mind tried to shut out the fantasy Zaeed spun, tried to _not_ think about it, but when he came it was shattering. He milked Zaeed's cock, images of what might come of this coupling forming despite himself.

Zaeed sat up when Shepard came, rolling Shepard on to his back, shoving his knees to his shoulders. The older man continued to pound until he spent himself, biting Shepard's lips as he spurt deep inside.

"Too fucking bad you're on birth control, eh?" Zaeed grunted, pulling off Shepard, then hauling him to his chest. "Good thing, actually. Baby of ours would be so badass it might come out wielding a shotgun."

Shepard didn't move, face pressed to Zaeed's shoulder. He didn't think he could just yet; after weeks of being on a hair trigger, he was finally, blissfully sated. "Fuck you."

"Isn't that the point?" Shepard had _not_ expected Zaeed to caress his back, fingers brushing over face and arms. "You wanted the strongest man on this ship. You weren't going to let anyone else have you." He leaned back. Shepard shuddered as Zaeed stroked his side, down over his hip to knead his ass. "Like it or not, that's how the galaxy works. I didn't make it that way, and neither did you. My job is to make sure your mission succeeds. If that means I get the extra perk of screwing a hot piece of ass, I'm not complaining." His fingers had shifted forward, idly playing with Shepard's cock. 

Shepard knew he was in hell when he hardened again under Zaeed's touch. "And it looks like you still have some tension to burn off," Zaeed said, with a wicked grin. "Back to work."

~*~*~*~*~*~

_Shepard wondered exactly how he had been talked into a dress. Not only was it a dress, it was a Little Black Dress. And heels. Personally, he never understood how they had managed to avoid being outlawed for their simple cruelty to feet._

_Well, they did do amazing things for his legs, but if he broke his ankles? Kind of a moot point._

_How Kasumi had thought he would avoid attention dressed like this, he didn't know. He was still jumping whenever someone called him Alison Gunn. Though he did have to admit he didn't look too bad... He really managed to pull off looking like a woman very-_

_He blinked at himself, in the high-gloss marble of Hock's mansion. He really did look like a woman. And why the hell had he agreed to color his hair red?_

_"What's wrong, Shep?" Kasumi asked, voice buzzing in the com device in his ear. "We need to- shoot, gotta go. Looks like you picked up a suitor."_

_A three-fingered, taloned hand crossed her field of vision, and Saren offered his hand. "May I have this dance? I must say, you looked radiant tonight, my dear."_

_Shepard had to stop himself from gaping. Saren was there, at Hock's party. Dressed in the turian equivalent of a tuxedo. His heart thundered in his throat as he struggled to remember the last time he had seen Saren. He was pretty sure he had killed the former Spectre. Dead sure, in fact._

_His body reacted automatically, taking Saren's hand and he was lead out to the middle of the dance floor. Shepard knew his cover was going to be blow now; he was a terrible dancer._

_"Flatterer," he tried to say, but it came out as a hoarse croak. It got even worse when Saren put his hands on Shepard's waist to pull him close, but for some reason it just didn't work._

_"Oh, don't be like that," Saren crooned in his ear. "It's not good for our baby."_

_It was then that Shepard looked down, jaw dropping at the full swell of his belly and breasts, and choked._

That was when he woke up. He was in his quarters in the Normandy. He patted down his chest and stomach, relieved to find no baby bump and no little black dress. In fact, the suit he wore to the Hock job was still folded up in his locker. He thought about wearing it; it was better than wearing the damn Cerberus logo each day. 

He rolled over, and to his surprise saw that he had about fifteen minutes before his alarm went off. He had been unable to sleep his full six hours for the past month, usually getting up far earlier and lucky to get to sleep a few hours before. 

Mordin's prediction that sex would help had been correct. That he had gone back to Zaeed for sex had left him angry, frustrated, and sick. Yet try as he might he had been unable to see another viable alternative, at least when it came to the delicate balance of power on his ship. Zaeed, at least, was someone he hated. He doubted the other man would be able to emotionally manipulate him the way a lover could. Would Zaeed be able to use his distaste to coerce him? Had he given Cerberus even more leverage?

Getting up and out of bed, Shepard splayed his fingers over his flat abdomen again. He froze for a minute, struggling with himself, his next move, his choice. Even as he did, he chided himself for whining. He had a team to assemble, the Collectors to stop and a galaxy full of trillions to save. All he had to do was the impossible. Given that he seemed built for it, perhaps he could pull it off. His crew needed him, his team needed him, the goddamn galaxy and Council needed him. He was due for a breakdown any minute now and if he was anyone else, he might have been able to have one. Derek Shepard knew he couldn't. Part of his job wasn't just to be a commander. He had to be friend, confessor, drill sergeant as well as leader to people who would be as much, if not more, on edge than he was. He could not falter.

Rolling his neck and shoulders to loosen them, he fell forward to start doing his daily PTs. So he would have to hit the booze a little harder. Even go back to Zaeed again, damn the consequences to his later mental health and dignity. He would function, somehow.

Two months into his mission, and he was due for a breakdown. He would put it off as long as possible.

~*~*~*~*~

Shepard hid his surprised wince of pain when Jack poked him in the chest.

"If this is about sex, then why didn't you say so?" Jack growled, voice husky and low, putting both of her hands on his shoulders and crowding in close. It would have been hard to stop her without accidentally copping a feel. 

"Not interested," Derek answered, frowning. Yes, he did sometimes find women attractive. Yes, _Jack_ was attractive. But no way in hell would he make that kind of rookie mistake. He wasn't what she needed and he knew it. "I want to know more about you," he said, voice flat. "Just not biblically."

He was also finally bleeding. A week later than he had initially calculated, but he was still bleeding. When he had brought it up to the doc she had said that was normal, when adjusting to a new implant. It was a relief, in a way. It meant that the constant need had faded, for awhile, and he was just feeling off balance, sore, and out of sorts. All told, it was much better than the previous two months. 

The men on board had also backed off of him. Shepard was thrilled.

Jack rolled her eyes. "You don't need to know a person to have sex with them. You just need to know where to put it." Her fingers played over his chest, and this time Shepard could not hold back the flinch when she hit one of his nipples. His chest had been sore since his last visit to starboard cargo. 

"Like I said, not interested. You're not my type, Jack," Shepard answered, crossing his arms over his front. 

"Shit, what's your problem? Never met a gay guy who would turn down sex, even with a woman." Her expression said it all: she could not conceive of someone who would help someone for no reason. And the idea of a man turning down sex with her seemed to leave her off-balance.

"Because you're part of my crew now." Shepard rubbed his face. She needed to see his honesty and that he wouldn't screw her over. "And I want to see what makes you tick." They had already had a few discussions of her past, after Shepard had turned those Cerberus files over to her. "And because I know that _you_ want to test _me_." He turned from her to head back upstairs. "I should go."

"Hey, Shepard," she called out as his foot hit the first step. "No one ever asks me about this shit, or stays interested for so long." She paused. "So fuck you. And thanks for asking."

Shepard glanced back towards her hidey-hole. "You're welcome."

To be continued.   
Questions, comments, and criticisms welcomed and encouraged.


	6. Chapter Six: Ghosts

  
**Breeder**

Chapter Six

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.

Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it. 

Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed. 

Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.

~*~*~*~*~

Horizon looked normal. No deep, dark secrets like Mindoir. Not an established paradise, like Eden Prime. Established seventeen years before, the population was only now getting large enough that they were leaving the boxy pre-fab communities to live out on distant farmsteads out in the fields. Meaning there was a major population center to attack.

There weren't any bodies yet. Shepard was happy that there wasn't bodies yet. He recognized the format the buildings were organized in; pretty typical for a newer colony. The only thing that stood out were the GARDIAN towers. Normally, they were only used on the hulls of dreadnaughts. He had never seen them on a colony before. He imagined that they would be too expensive for a Terminus System colony to afford, under most circumstances.

That meant... He frowned. It meant that someone had given a random colony- one with a relatively small population, he noted- a big, fat target to hit. It meant that they had been given a big fat target, a possible way to deflect attacks _and_ one of his former crewmates as bait. Shepard thought he could smell a proverbial rat. Or rather, an entire pack of them.

He had spoken to Anderson, knew that Kaidan was on a top secret mission with a communications blackout. Shepard also knew that the Illusive Man had to have people in on it, otherwise they wouldn't have found out about this Collector raid so soon. Yet he refused to believe that Anderson and the Illusive Man had actively collaborated. 

No, this was too much of a perfect storm of politicians playing with people's lives. 

He suppressed his rage, tossed it into a different box like he did everything else. The tactician in him, the part that warred with his compassion, said that this would be better in the long run. They needed to find out about the Collectors and what they were doing with the colonists. This set up might allow them that chance with the smallest amount of casualties. Because, like it or not, there _would be_ casualties. Better to control the outcome than to risk all for nothing.

Yet the thought of putting innocent civilians in harm's way like this tasted like ashes on in his mouth. Shepard understood, but having to explain to someone why he or she was the sacrificial lamb? He could sacrifice himself, his soldiers, but _civilians_..?

Initial reports told them where the Collector ship was, that it had landed nearby, in a field to the east of the main population center. Their plan was to hit the outskirts and work their way to the ship, getting as much intel as possible. If they could drive off the Collectors and protect the colony, all the better.

The unending buzz of the seeker swarms as they billowed through the air in loose clouds had all of his team on edge. Right then, that team consisted of Miranda, Jacob, Garrus, Kasumi, Grunt, Zaeed and Jack. Mordin they left on the ship, just in case they needed analysis. Shepard had seen his old movies, he wasn't going to split his team up more than twice. To that end, he took Miranda, Garrus and Zaeed with him, and told Grunt, Jack, Kasumi and Jacob to cover the other side of the colony. Re-con only, he told them. No heroics. 

He heard Kasumi snicker at that. Shepard snorted back. 

Mordin said he looked forward to seeing if they survived. It got a weak laugh from Kasumi, who was shifting from foot to foot. Shepard gave her a quick pat on the arm before the two teams broke up. "Keep in radio contact as much as possible," he ordered, placing Jacob in command of the second team. "Watch each other's backs. With any luck they'll leave you alone and come right after me."

"And here I volunteered to be on your squad," Garrus muttered. His eyes were smiling, however. "Don't worry, Commander. We have your six."

Shepard found a genuine smile gracing his lips at that, nodded, signaling for Zaeed to scout ahead while Garrus and Miranda hung back. Shepard hefted his Kassa Locust, frowning as he followed Zaeed. 

His feelings were mixed as he watched the other man. There was no doubting his skills. Yet Shepard also worried about having him under someone else's command. The man told too many stories about how he was the sole survivor, leaving Shepard worried about his ability to work on a team. Better to keep him under Shepard's eye, despite his distaste for the merc. 

Besides, Garrus was with him. Shepard felt like he could take on the entire galaxy right then.

"Where is everyone?" the old merc said, voice low as he eased around a corner. 

"Same pattern as the other colonies: they're being loaded on board the Collector ship," Shepard answered, a moment before the loud buzz of the seeker swarms was drowned out by a deeper, angrier hiss. Shepard's head jerked up, eyes widening as humanoid insects- Collectors- dropped out of the sky. Then there was little time for navel-gazing; this group of monsters meant business.

~*~*~*~*~

They found the remaining colonists.

Like some macabre pause button, they were frozen in positions of flight. Stumbling down stairs, parents picking up children to flee, lovers with hands clutched together, all helpless within golden energy fields. They had been frozen so fast that some had not even known to run. He could see a man locked before a window, brushing back a curtain. A young girl was reaching out towards a dropped purple dinosaur doll.

Shepard knelt before her. "Miranda," he started. His mind flashed to remembered screams, masked four-eyed faces. His mother's body smeared across the barn wall. His dad screaming for him to take his little brothers and run. His little sister grabbing a pistol to cover his escape. He found that box of memories and slammed it shut. "Any ideas on what's wrong with them?" 

The girl's eyes met his.

"Some kind of stasis field," the Cerberus officer replied, after tapping her omni-tool. "They're alive. This confirms our suspicions of why we never found any bodies."

Shepard gently petted the girl's hair. "Let's try to keep it that way." He met her eyes. "We'll try to help you," he murmured. "Have faith."

He could feel his squad's eyes on his back as he squared his shoulders. "Let's go."

They finished their looting and their search for answers, fighting another batch of Collectors, trying to avoid hitting civilians. The stasis field might have been able to protect them. Shepard didn't want to take that risk.

They came to another cleared square, boxed in by prefabs. Shepard frowned. He hadn't heard from team two in some time and this area was denuded of colonists. Yet he could hear a loud buzz from Collector wings as they walked into the open zone. He scanned the clearing before finding them on the far side. Five of them, radiating out from a large, sealed garage door. He directed his team to cover, and was about to tap his communicator for an update from his second team when the Collectors noticed them.

" _ **I WILL DIRECT THIS PERSONALLY.**_ " 

Across the field a single Collector doubled over, clutching itself, its skin cracking like magma was burning the flesh from within. Shepard slid into cover, gesturing for Garrus and Zaeed to focus on the glowing monster with their sniper rifles while Miranda whittled down its biotic defenses. For Shepard, he flung his hand out to reave it. 

While it reduced the monster's defenses, it also gave away Shepard's position. He could feel those four glowing eyes fix on him, sending its own biotic attack that slapped him from cover. He tumbled back, flailing, as dark energy danced over the skin of his armor, not quite penetrating.

Garrus nailed the monster in the head. Shepard nodded to him, before locking on to another Collector drone, switching to shotgun and _charging_

.

He collided with the Collector, shooting it in the face, barely noticing the recoil as he whipped around to rush another. 

" ** _ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL._** " 

On the far side of the field, Shepard saw another Collector double over then rise into the air. Shepard charged. His first shot blistered its defenses. 

" _ **I KNOW YOU FEEL THIS**_ ," it intoned, throwing another energy ball at Shepard. This time he screamed, falling to his knees in pain as his flesh felt to be rippled apart. He would have sworn that the monster smiled. " _ **THIS HURTS YOU, SHEPARD.**_ "

Shepard snarled, before he grabbed its head and _pulled_ , drawing out life and strength from the monster to heal himself. It crumbled to ashes with a murmur of _this body is nothing_. It didn't stop the hot lances of pain writhing through his gut, but he was able to dodge into cover once again.

That left one, and his squad was more than capable of mopping up. Not that he was in any shape to help, as he doubled over and wretched.

"Shepard!" It was Garrus, heading over. "What the hell? What are you doing getting yourself blasted like that?" He offered Shepard a hand, and Shepard took it. "What happened?"

Shepard wiped his lips, spat, and wiped them again before checking his armor for damage. He was relieved to see no gaping wounds, or shards of metal. In fact, his armor looked no worse for wear. There were some scuffs, but no punctures. "Hit me with some kind of biotic attack," he answered. The pain started fading, but the soreness it left drained him. He swallowed it down; he had no desire for either Miranda or Zaeed to see his moment of weakness. 

Miranda was frowning, and Zaeed didn't seem to care. "I'll be fine," Shepard reassured Garrus. He looked over at the large garage the Collectors had been trying to hack. He tapped his earpiece and sighed. While he had known about the interference from the seeker swarms to the Normandy, he had not known they would cut off contact with the other team. 

Only thing left to do was to follow the plan and hoped they met up in the middle.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Shepard had been working on his fourth revision of his first encounter with a thresher maw (because he couldn't include 'almost shit his pants') when it happened.

"Care to explain this to me?" Kaidan asked, voice flat, as he barged into Shepard's quarters. The sentinel slapped his datapad down on Shepard's desk. Then he stepped away, falling into parade rest and keeping his face stony as he waited for a reaction. He didn't have to wait long as Shepard picked up the pad, glanced over it. He saw Shepard go pale, then flush, before turning to throw the pad back at him.

"What am I supposed to be looking at here?" Shepard snapped. "I'm familiar with my own medical history. I don't see anything to warrant you barging in here and being borderline insubordinate." 

This time it was Kaidan's turn to flush, before jabbing his finger at the datapad. 

"It says my name, my birth date, my Alliance Military ID, my gender and my biological sex," Shepard said, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. "It then summarizes my medical history, like most medical files should. Do you have a problem with that? I thought this was the twenty-second century?"

"What?" Now Kaidan was flabbergasted. "No! That's not what I'm here about!" he sputtered, shaking his head and dropping the datapad. The datapad that listed Shepard as male gendered and intersexed, biologically. "Your medical history doesn't start until after Mindoir was razed, and your _entire_ genetic profile is redacted. I'm the field medic. I don't need to be an expert in xenobiology, just the team." He exhaled, clenching his fists. "That includes you."

Shepard's eyebrows went up. "Yes?"

"Mindoir was colonized before the Sudham-Wolcott Genetic Heritage Act was passed, wasn't it?"

Shepard stood up. "Most people born in the colonies receive some kind of genetic modifications." His throat was dry. "Some were more extreme than others. What are you trying to say?"

"Nothing, sir, beyond that it just seems really strange to me that you're classified as intersex, when most parents have their kids tested for genetic abnormalities, and given genetic therapy, before birth. You were born before the SWGHA was passed anyways, so there were no legal protections in place to keep parents from doing any drastic genetic changes they wanted." Kaidan looked to be very, very uncomfortable. "It just seems really strange that even the genetic therapy you received during basic is classified." Kaidan took a deep breath. "And it seems very, very strange to me that your information is so well classified that your public profile says something completely different about your health and history."

Shepard twitched. "And why is this germane to our mission?"

"I-" Kaidan slumped. "I like a mystery." Then he straightened. "And I also disliked being lied to."

"I wasn't aware that I had lied to you," Shepard answered, tilting his head, shoulders still tense. "At least, to your face. I can't tell you what the Alliance has and has not kept classified." He grimaced. "And there is no reason for my medical history to be a factor in our mission, beyond a trip to an Alliance hospital in a few months." Kaidan's head whipped up that, but Shepard lifted his hands. "Doctor Chawkwas _is_ aware of my situation, and handles any treatments we can do on-ship." Kaidan's jaw dropped. 

"I understand, sir," Kaidan said, terse and unhappy. "Just... tell me if I'm warm or not. The reason your file is so highly classified is because they don't want to find out that Mindoir was some kind of experiment." 

Shepard went pale, but he didn't answer one way or another. He couldn't. 

"All right, you can't say," Kaidan said, frowning. Then his expression softened. "But I noticed that the first thing _you_ assumed when I brought in your file was that I had an issue with your sex. You don't talk about it, but it's not our business anyways. Just... just letting you know, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. All right?"

Shepard licked his lips, looking away. "Dismissed."

"Aye, sir."

~*~*~*~*~*~

The damage was building up, and the pain returned.

Shepard's secondary team had still not arrived, but they had managed to get to the GARDIAN laser's main control hub after locking Delan in his garage. They had fought through a wave of new monsters (scion was the best he could manage) and legions of husks. EDI had informed them that it would take time for her to bring the lasers online, and to assume a defensive posture. 

Still no word from the secondary team, and no time to worry about them. They were rushed by husks, Collectors...

" ** _ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL_**."

The body-snatcher- " _ **WE ARE HARBINGER**_." 

Okay, Harbinger, was back. Shepard got his squad to cover before charging the fiend, punching it in the face and then shooting it between the eyes. It retaliated with another energy ball.

Shepard had been hit with biotic attacks before, including the shockwave the scions sent out. This- he felt like it was trying to shred his insides. Felt like something was ripping, being torn free, and he had to roll into cover before popping out and finishing Harbinger off with a shotgun. There was a soft hiss in the wind of _**this hurts you**_ as it turned to ash before he staggered back to cover. 

He could feel hot dampness between his legs. If he was bleeding internally, he didn't know if medi-gel would work, but he gave himself an extra dose to kill the pain of whatever Harbinger had done to him. Wouldn't last more than a ten, twenty minutes, but if the battle wasn't won by then they were screwed anyways.

They finished off that wave of attackers, with Shepard wrestling with Harbinger one more time. EDI announced that she had control.

Then the Collectors sent out something new. 

"Ah, more fresh hell," Shepard muttered, hoping the numbness from his waist down lasted. He picked up what clips he could, gesturing for Zaeed and Garrus to the far side of square and behind a rail so they could snipe. He ran the opposite way as the monstrous crab-shaped-husk- _thing_ descended. He blinked, a sick feeling creeping up from his belly. This thing was made of _dozens_ of husks. Shit.

Running, he hefted the Collector particle beam and grabbed Miranda to follow. Together, they both threw their biotic attacks at it to take down its barriers. In the background he could hear the two gunmen hitting it with the assault rifles to whittle down both barriers and armor.

Shepard took the opposite side from Zaeed and Garrus- if the Collectors and husks had taught him anything, he had a giant 'attack me first' sign on his ass- and took aim with the particle beam. Between himself and Miranda, they were able to keep the thing at a distance and dance around cover until the new monster fell. 

It, like Harbinger, dissolved to ash as it ceased functioning. He smelled ozone, smoke, and heard the hum of turbines as the GARDIAN lasers came to full power and started firing at the Collector's ship. His squad braced themselves as the Collector's ship took off, leaving them alone with the soft hum of a few remaining seekers. 

Shepard frowned, tapping his communicator to see if he could get a status update from the second team. No go. His legs wobbled when he climbed up to use the colony's communication array...

"NO!" Someone howled, and Shepard whirled around as he saw Delan come out of hiding. "Do something! Stop them! They got half the colony!" he wailed, raging at the sky, before whirling and chanting names of people Shepard didn't know. 

He grabbed Shepard. " _Why didn't you stop them?_ "

"I did everything I could," Shepard answered, putting his hands on top of Delan's. He was starting to feel cold, despite the medi-gel induced numbness. "I understand your anger, but there was nothing else we could do." He gently pried Delan off, noticing that his squad had followed behind. Shepard's hands were trembling. "I'm sorry."

"Screw you!" Delan snapped. He looked about to cry. 

"You should be thankful any of you are left," Garrus snapped. He walked up behind the Commander. "If it wasn't for Shepard, _all_ of you would be on board that ship." The turian walked closer Shepard, putting a hand on his elbow. He dropped his voice. "And you look like shit."

"Shepard?" Delan turned around to look at him. "I know that name." 

"Commander Shepard." 

Derek's head jerked up, his heart stopped, and his mouth went dry as he heard that voice. A voice he had not allowed himself to hope to hear. 

"The captain of the Normandy," Kaidan Alenko said, walking through the doors to the square. "The first human Spectre." He paused, eyes flitting over Derek's face, drinking the sight in. "Savior of the Citadel." He grinned at Delan, who was looking at Kaidan like he wanted to spit. "You're in the presence of a legend, Delan." He shifted his gaze back to Shepard. "And a ghost."

Delan rolled his eyes, all but hopping in anger and frustration. "All the good people we lost and you get left behind. Screw this, I'm done with you Alliance types." No one noticed when he left. 

"Miranda, Zaeed," Shepard called, not looking at the two people he called for. His voice sounded tinny to his ears. "Go look for team two. Communications should be back up if you need help."

"Commander, I really don't think-" Miranda protested, before Garrus caught her eye and cleared his throat. He more heard than saw her exasperation, but that didn't matter. Kaidan was here, in front of him, _alive_. Derek didn't know which one of them moved first, but Kaidan's hands were on his hips and Shepard had threaded his fingers through the other man's thick hair and it was almost like their time apart had been no time at all. Mouths, teeth, tongues tangled together, so familiar and sweet that his heart _ached_.

"Right," he heard Miranda say. "We'll see how team two is doing. Leaving now."

It was hard to do an intimate embrace in full armor, as both of them were. But it was enough. 

"I thought you were dead, Shepard," Kaidan whispered when the kiss broke, together, cheek to cheek. "We all did." Shepard kept a grip on Kaidan's shoulders, not willing to let him go just yet. The numbness was wearing off.

He blamed pain and exhaustion on his next words. "Been a long time, Kaidan." He kept his eyes closed, not able to pull away. "How have you been?"

"That's it?" Kaidan, apparently, was more than willing to pull away. "That's all you have to say? You show up after two years and _that's all you have to say_? Like nothing happened?" Kaidan's voice broke, but Shepard couldn't hear him. It sounded like his voice was coming from deep under water. "I thought we had something, something _real_ -"

Shepard's knees gave out, armor sensors whining in warning as he dropped back into the dull brown weeds. The last thing he heard was Garrus and Kaidan yelling his name.

To be continued.  
Comments, questions, and criticisms welcomed and appreciated.


	7. Chapter Seven: Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for miscarriage

  
**Breeder**

Chapter Seven

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.

Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it. 

Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed. 

Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.

~*~*~*~*~*~

_My god_ , Derek remembered thinking, like a bolt out of the blue. _I want to have that man's babies._

The thought was had left him cold and sweaty, breath jarred from his lungs and was completely out of place during a fight for their lives against pirates guarding Krogan Rebellion relics. He should not have that thought when he was trying to do Wrex a favor, and he's been slammed into a wall by a krogan pirate.

He had _no_ business being hot and bothered by watching Kaidan Alenko first detonate a tech bomb that took out two snipers. Seeing Kaidan use a biotic lift to immobilize Tonn Actus while Shepard was cutting down his two lackeys should not have made him think _I want him to pin me to the wall and_ fuck _me_ now.

Even when the battle was done, those thoughts still caused a squirming in his gut, a sense of both wonder and wrongness as he caught his breath. He was aware of everything about the other human as they trudged out of Tonn Actus' stronghold: the pace of Kaidan's breathing, that he walked a step too close for respect, that he sounded like he was about to laugh through his breather helmet. Shepard couldn't speak to him, because those thoughts were too close to the surface, too unbalancing. Yet he could not _un-think_ it. 

When Derek had first left Mindoir to join the Alliance Military, he had tried to leave the Mindoir experiments behind. He had worked with Alliance Medical to keep himself from changing and proceeded to concentrate all his energy on stopping pirates. On the (dashed, broken) dream of finding any of his siblings still alive. While he had dimly imagined a day when he could retire (when all piracy, greed and cruelty were extinguished) in a distant, foggy future... Derek had shunted all thoughts away from the idea that someone might get children on him. He had never _wanted_ it before.

He told himself he still didn't. He wasn't a girl.

That didn't stop the small, traitorous thought of _they would be beautiful, wouldn't they?_

~*~*~*~*~

Sounds filtered in first. Small, fizzing, there was no sense to be had as he lifted eyelids that had been cemented shut. He felt numb, limbs bolted to the ground beside him, except for a deep, raw ache that roiled through his belly. He wanted to curl up on himself, but he couldn't manage more than a loud hiss of pain.

"Doctor Chakwas?" 

Sounds resolved themselves into words. Too bad his eyes were still blurred to the point he couldn't see where he was.

"Doctor Chakwas, I think he's waking up," a familiar voice murmured, and Shepard frowned as he tried to place it. He managed to tip his head to the side, but everything was fuzzy beyond his elbow. Then he felt a squeeze across his palm, and the dark figure on his right stepped closer, caressing his face. 

"Derek, can you hear me?" that voice continued, and Shepard blinked as things started to clear. "You're on the," he heard that voice pause. "You're in the SR-2's med-bay. Do you know what happened to you?"

Shepard managed to reach up and rub his eyes. "Kaidan?" he asked, unsure if he was dreaming or not. He was afraid to find out. Did dreams hurt like this? "No. Last thing I remember was thinking was _damn that was stupid_ and then I..." he licked his lips, recalled that yes... Sometimes dreams _did_ hurt. "Felt like I had the menstrual cramps from hell, and everything got really cold."

"God," Kaidan said, leaning forward and taking Shepard's hand in both of his. "You weren't menstruating. You- you told me about the potential for you to change but I didn't realize," he cut off again, biting his lip as he tried to find the words. "Derek, you aren't menstruating. You _miscarried_."

Shepard's eyes went wide, lips shaping the question but could not force out any sound.

"I take responsibility for you not knowing, Commander," Doctor Chakwas said, coming over and removing her bloody gloves. "You told me you were late and I just thought it was due to your body adjusting to the new regulator. Then you said you had started, but that was probably just implantation bleeding." Her eyes, tone, expression, all of it was apologetic. "You were about four weeks along. I should have insisted on checking, but I had thought you would have mentioned if you were sexually active. At any rate, Garrus told us that the Collector called Harbinger was targeting you _specifically_ for biotic attacks. From what I can tell, that was what caused the miscarriage was well as the hemorrhaging that made you to pass out. Staff Commander Alenko and Garrus got you back to the ship just in time."

Shepard forced himself to breath as his mind churned over this new slice of fresh hell. "Team two?"

"Team two got out okay. They were pinned down by three scions and a shitload of husks, but there were only a few injuries," a new voice answered, and Garrus walked into his line of sight. "Shit, Commander, don't do this to us." He walked over to take a seat on Shepard's left hand, and took it after a moment's hesitation. "This is your revenge for me trying to block a rocket with my face, isn't it?"

Shepard blinked, looking at both Kaidan and Garrus. For two such different species, they had remarkably similar expressions: which was a strong desire to cry. Given that Garrus wasn't actually capable of it, that was saying something. 

"I thought that was your revenge for me dying on the Normandy," Shepard tried to joke, but it came out flat. He kept coming back to one phrase. He had miscarried. He had gotten pregnant, hadn't known it, had failed to... If he had known, he would have had to terminate. 

Derek closed his eyes against that. The... embryo... had been Zaeed's. That thought, along with the pain, made him nauseous.

He had not gotten the chance to decide. The mental image of Harbinger declaring _**THIS HURTS YOU**_ sent a shudder down his spine.

He didn't know if he had a mental box big enough to shut this away.

"Derek," Kaidan said, voice broken, before dropping his head down to Shepard's chest, shoulders shaking, and moving one hand to Shepard's belly, making him flinch. "Please. Don't do this to me. It took me two years to start enjoying life again. I watched you hit atmo from the life pod and I," his body quaked, and Shepard freed his right hand to awkwardly pet his back. 

"I'm sorry," Shepard croaked. "I should have said it first, when I saw you on Horizon. Garrus, too." He saw the turian shift in his seat, but he didn't let go of Shepard's hand. "I didn't want to die." He was dragging words out from that black box of memories around his death, tried to keep it from spewing across his mind. He failed. "I didn't want to leave you alone." He was very aware of the pressure of Kaidan's head on his chest. "I don't know what I could have done differently." Why could he see it so clearly? The Normandy, beautiful Normandy, dying by inches around him. "I remember getting Joker to the life pod." His breath wheezed. "And then the Collector ship's beam hit. I hit the launch button, and Joker was screaming at me." Shepard narrowed his eyes, looking away, and he couldn't get enough air in his lungs. "My suit took damage." He was choking. "Air. Tried to stop the ruptures. Couldn't breathe. _Can't breathe_." His heart pounded in his chest. Couldn't breathe. Tried to flail as blackness tried to drop over his eyes-

He heard scrambling, a hiss, and he knew no more.

~*~*~*~*~

The med-bay was silent after the doctor administered the sedative, leaving both Garrus and Kaidan to watch Shepard's vitals smooth as he relaxed into unconsciousness.

"Shit," Kaidan whispered, pulling back, wiping the tears off his face. "Shit. I'm sorry, I didn't know that would trigger him."

Doctor Chakwas sighed, and sat on nearby bed. "I don't think any of us knew it would trigger him. He's held up fairly well, given the circumstances. But then, how is someone supposed to act when they come back from death? Does anyone know? If he's held off having a PTSD episode until now, I'm impressed."

Both Garrus and Kaidan looked at each other. "He really died?" Kaidan asked, and he could feel Garrus echoing the sentiment. 

"Yes," Chakwas said, unequivocally, before grabbing a datapad, thumbing through the files and handing it to him. "His body was in bad shape. I had nothing to do with the resurrection process, and it apparently took over four billion credits to achieve and Cerberus pulling in experts from every branch of science imaginable. And before you ask, no, I'm only part of Cerberus because Shepard is here. Like Garrus, like Joker. They finally revived Shepard to consciousness three months ago." She sighed. "And if you make any more noises about Shepard being in cahoots with Cerberus before that, I'll bitch slap you myself." She lifted one elegant eyebrow and crossed her arms. "Because he's been through hell, but he has still tried to help anyone who asks. Hell... for all we know, he did." Her face fell. "Damn it. Why didn't I think to give him a pregnancy test?" she asked, rubbed her chin, speaking to herself. "He's been acting skittish for the past two months."

Garrus looked at her, then at Kaidan, and leaned back into his chair. Though he still kept a grip on Shepard's hand. "Just to get this straight... my translator isn't glitching?" He looked confused. "I thought humans worked on a similar sexual dimorphism to turians, drell and krogan, except, you know, mammalian? One sex bears the young while the other sires it?"

"Needless to say, it's more complicated than that," the doctor replied, pinching the skin between her brows. "Human sexuality, gender identity and physiological conformity always have people who cross boundaries and cannot be easily classified. This is usually the result of organic reproduction and genetics being much more difficult to quantify than humans want to believe. Different cultures have coped with people who fell outside our convenient little binaries in various ways, but right now we're mostly accepting of them. However, this is only the case when it comes to naturally occurring human biology. This is not the case with Shepard."

Kaidan winced. "Shepard finally told me, after Ilos." He looked down at the sleeping man's face. "An entire colony turned into a strange genetic experiment in how to make human reproduction more... efficient." His lips puckered.

"The Mindoir genetic mods?" Garrus' eyebrow ridges went up. "I thought he was being awfully evasive when Mordin brought it up, but... Damn. _That's_ what he was talking about. So he... can do both types now?"

"The idea was that, in case of a disaster and there was a large sex imbalance, the altered males could help with producing new offspring," Chakwas said. "The changes wouldn't be apparent until a massive imbalance occurred for a set period of time. What that time frame was, I was not informed." She sighed, rubbing her eyes. "Could have been months, weeks? Shepard's next appointment for a new hormone regulator was actually three days after Virmire. I could have done the surgery on ship, but his particular regulator had to be manufactured individually at an Alliance hospital. We didn't have the resources for it on the original Normandy."

"And none of us were exactly in a good headspace right then, not to mention we had been called back to the Citadel." Kaidan said. "So... the changes started after that?"

"I don't know." Chakwas frowned, deep in thought. "I have a theory, but it's only speculation at this point." At the curious expressions from both males, she shrugged. "Human females that match in both gender and biological sex typically have a hormonal cycle where they are capable of conceiving." Garrus nodded his understanding. Doctor Chakwas' expression turned vaguely amused. "On the original Normandy, most of the human women, despite their standard regulators, followed Ashley Williams' cycle. Shepard did as well." Kaidan's mouth opened, and Chakwas shrugged. 

"He is as genetically female as male," Chakwas went on. "And I think that was part of how the trigger worked. Sync up with the female with the most powerful pheromones, and if something happened to her..." She trailed off, and gave Kaidan a thoughtful look. "Perhaps not the only reason, but still the best I could come up with. Yet whatever the reason, he was in the beginning stages of his transformation when he died." 

"I'm telling the two of you this because I trust you not to breathe a word of this outside of the med-bay," she said, hands twitching the blanket covering the unconscious Commander. "And because I _think_ I found all the bugs. Doctor Solus and I swept a few days ago. This was something very personal and private for him. I trust you to treat it the same."

Kaidan shifted his gaze between Shepard, Chakwas, and back again. "This is one hell of a lot to take in. Sounds like Cerberus doesn't trust you any more than I trust Cerberus."

"Personally, I will leave it to Shepard to figure out what Cerberus is actually up to, but that seems to be the case." She sighed. "I have always trusted he will remain ethical."

Quiet fell, as both Kaidan and Garrus both watched the sleeping man's face; not good dreams, if Shepard's soft moan was any indication.

"Do we need to let," Kaidan started, then stopped, and exhaled. Sniffled a bit. "Do we need to let the father know?"

"That's Shepard's call, not ours," Garrus replied. "And if you're fishing for information on someone replacing you, I doubt it." Garrus twitched. His eyes went distant, and he fluttered one of his mandibles. "He's not mentioned anyone, he's been hiding-" His eyebrow ridges shot up, mouth shutting in a click of teeth, before a cold, predatory expression dropped over his face. "Hmm." He squeezed Shepard's hand. "We'll just have to ask."

"Garrus," Kaidan asked, a warning note in his voice. Despite his voice, he began caressing Shepard's face, watching as Derek slipped into a more peaceful slumber. "What is it?"

"Nothing I can do about it right now," Garrus answered, voice rising and bristling. "And if I'm wrong, I want to be careful about it. Things are tense enough on this ship without me throwing around accusations."

Kaidan opened his mouth to answer, then shook his head and grunted. 

"Going to stick around long enough to see if he'll be okay?" Garrus asked, baiting him. "This isn't an Alliance ship. But it _is_ Shepard's."

Kaidan's eyes met Garrus, nostrils flaring. "Fuck you. _Yes_."

~*~*~*~*~*~

Waking up from anesthesia often felt like a fight against a thick, lead weighted blanket. This was no different, as Shepard had to drag air back into his lungs. He could smell antiseptic, and old blood. His body still felt numb in the limbs, achy in his lower abdomen, but the blind terror and panic of his flashback had faded... enough. He exhaled, then sucked air in again, grunting as he pulled his elbows under him to roll to his left.

He was on the middle bio-bed, with the head next to far wall from the mess. He blinked, once, twice, and felt an unfamiliar smile crease his face despite himself. On his left, he saw Garrus, and Kaidan on his right. Both of them were passed out, asleep, in full armor. 

"That's going to chafe like a bitch later," Derek whispered, his heart fluttering as his stomach twisted. He heard steps, and looked up to see Doctor Chakwas' gray head cross into view. 

"Indeed, but neither wanted to leave yet. I thought you would want them here when you woke," she responded. "Though this meant chasing off Jeff, Mr. Taylor and Miss Goto." She helped him sit up, frowning as he continued to grunt and huff. "We had to do some minor surgery to stop the internal bleeding, but it wasn't anything we couldn't handle here. How are you managing the pain? I can give you a topical anesthetic or something stronger, if you need it."

He gave her a one-shouldered shrug, swinging around to plant his feet on the deck. Shepard leaned forward, getting his balance beneath him to stand-

Before sitting down hard in a whine of pain, panting as his face slicked with sweat. 

"Should have asked earlier," he wheezed, between gasps. "How bad was it?" 

"Nothing permanent." Doctor Chakwas sat next to him with a hypodermic, finding his temporary IV shunt and injecting a pain killer. "You may not want to hear it phrased like this, but it is one of the more common questions asked after what you just went through." Shepard buried his face in his hands. "You should still be able to... never mind."

"When can I get back to work?" came the muffled question.

"I won't clear you for field duty for another four days, or until the bleeding stops," Doctor Chakwas answered. He dropped his hands to give her a questioning look, and she elaborated. "We stopped the rest of the internal bleeding, but you're still shedding uterine material. I want to make sure there are no complications. However, we get your pain under control, I can clear you for light duty in a few hours." She rubbed his back. "You should try talking to Ms. Chambers. Grief and confusion are normal after a miscarriage. I don't care if you are the galaxy's best soldier, you need to talk to someone about it."

"Not yet." He turned to face her, eyes red-rimmed but the pain fading enough for the muscles in his jaw to unclench. "I've had counselors and therapists talk at me for years. Never seemed to help. Work helps. Worrying about people that _aren't_ me helps." He swallowed hard, then rubbed his abdomen. "I talk about it, I'll get stuck wallowing in self-pity. I can't afford that. Not now."

The doctor opened her mouth to respond, before closing it and frowning.

Derek then took slow, deep breathes, setting his shoulders, bracing himself against what he would ask next. 

"Why didn't the implant work?"

Doctor Chakwas pursed her lips. "I don't know. It is a standard issue implant, meant to stop pregnancy and even out mood swings. It is about ninety-eight percent effective in most cases. Though I suppose that might be the crux right there: most cases. You don't really fall under that umbrella. You are about as atypical as they come."

"I talked to Mordin about making a more effective implant. Perhaps he'll have time now that we've got the countermeasure," Shepard mentioned. He grimaced, looking down at the ugly hospital smock. "My fatigues?"

"Ruined. They were soaked with both blood and," she patted his back again. "Other materials. I've already put them through the incinerator. I can ask one of the crew to go to your quarters and get you something clean."

Shepard shook his head, slid to his feet again, caught himself when he stumbled, and straightened to his full height. "Can I take a shower?"

"Your surgical incisions are sealed, so you should be fine. Do you want me to get Alenko and Vakarian up to help you?"

Shepard looked over his shoulder, before shaking his head. "Let them rest. They've earned it." He took another step towards the door before the doctor stopped him.

"Let me rephrase that. As head medical officer, I order you to wake them up and let them help you to your quarters. It's not far to the elevator, or your cabin, but it would soil my reputation if you passed out right after I cleared you to leave the med-bay." Her tone was pleasant and implacable, before she turned to shake both Kaidan and Garrus to wakefulness.

"You'll need to use the liners," Chakwas said quietly, as her two henchmen walked up to bracket Shepard. "Not the inserts, to absorb the bleeding. We want to make sure there is no infection. And no alcohol. It won't react well with the pain medication."

Shepard didn't look back this time, just nodded, then shambled out with both Garrus and Kaidan trailing behind.

~*~*~*~*~

Kaidan braced himself as Derek hung off himself and Garrus, half unconscious already from the pain killer.

"You can drop me off at my cabin and leave," Shepard muttered, "I'm sure you have... duties, or..."

"The armaments can go a few days without being calibrated," Garrus said, before both Shepard and Kaidan whipped their heads around to stare at him.

"You've been indoctrinated, haven't you?" Shepard croaked, letting go of him to put his weight on Kaidan, making him stumble. 

"Yeah, gotta say I'm with Derek on this one," Kaidan replied. "Who are you and what have you done with Garrus Vakarian?" His arms went around Shepard, and he tried to _not_ flush with pleasure that he was holding Shepard again. Now was not the time.

Garrus took his turn to glare at them as they headed inside the captain's cabin. Kaidan took one look around and whistled. Garrus winced at the noise.

"Big place," Kaidan muttered, eyes wide as he took in the palatial suite. That was a definite understatement. Compared to the corresponding room on an Alliance warship, it was huge. Shiny. Stylish. His eyes skipped over the glowing fish tank to the starship models, to a display of Shepard's medals... and a picture of himself.

He stopped, throat closing up as old feelings boiled under his skin. He swallowed hard, feeling Derek sway against him.

"I need to shower," Derek muttered. "Could get some clean fatigues out of the armor closet?" He gestured towards the lower level. Kaidan nodded, pushing Shepard gently into Garrus, who caught him from behind, one arm around his chest and the other around his waist. Kaidan turned in time to see the turian's jaw go tight when Shepard slumped, before he rallied and shuffled towards the bathroom, cursing as he reached for the ties of his smock.

Garrus followed, took a step and stopped him before the door, putting one hand on Shepard's shoulder to ask permission. Derek nodded, and Garrus reached for the closures, pulling them free and letting the plastic fabric drop to the floor, leaving him in some loosely woven, padded briefs. His hands wandered over his body, looking at the small medi-gel sealed incision above his navel.

"Could be worse, I guess," Kaidan heard Shepard whisper, before looking up and flinching under Kaidan's gaze. Shepard wrapped his arms around himself, face taut and stepped back into the bathroom, the door snapping shut between them.

"Well, that was awkward," Garrus said after a moment. No sound seemed to escape the small bathroom, and he stepped down to the lower level and sprawled on the couch. "Think we should make it worse? Tell him he's still got his figure? Ask him about baby-daddy?"

"I thought that was the plan," Kaidan said, returning his gaze to the armor locker and the supply of uniforms inside. "And he didn't have much trouble until I saw him." He paused, feeling a few more tears leak out. "He's only been awake for about three months?" he asked, whispering. "I still can't believe he's back. And with Cerberus."

Garrus shrugged the first sentence off. "Sometimes I can't, either." He leaned forward, resting his face in his hands with his elbows on his knees. "Sometimes..." He turned his face away from Kaidan, thumbing the bandaged side of his face. "Nevermind."

Kaidan rocked back on his heels, looking at the turian. "What?"

Garrus shook his head. Kaidan bit the inside of his cheek, but stood up after grabbing the requisite clothing out of the locker (and fighting down envy at the sheer _quality_ of that shit. Cerberus had credits to burn, apparently.) 

"He apologized," Kaidan muttered, sitting down beside Garrus. "Like he had any control over dying." Kaidan wiped his face again, wondering if he would ever stop crying for Shepard. "I hated him, for awhile," he admitted, quietly, looking down at the uniform. "I loved him, and when he was gone I thought of all the ways I could have stayed with him. Should have stayed with him. Then I hurt so much I hated I that I had ever known him." He turned to Garrus, with a humorless quirk of the lips. "And then the rumors said he was with Cerberus, and..." He stopped, looked over at his picture. "I hated myself for doubting him."

Garrus lifted an eyebrow ridge. "Huh. I thought melodramatic confessions only came about while drunk." He looked away, eyes distant. "I didn't hate him for dying. I hated him for coming back. Because he reminded me of much _I_ had changed." His voice dropped to just above a whisper. "And that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't be him."

Kaidan sighed, looking up at the aquarium. "Hm. You're right, we are _far_ too sober for this conversation." Unfortunately, there was no booze to be seen, and Kaidan didn't think Shepard would be happy if they broke into his stash, especially when Doctor Chakwas had forbidden him from joining in. 

"So, Staff Commander. Congratulations," Garrus said, when the silence crept on too long. "How'd that go?"

"Boring. Don't get me wrong, I've kept busy, but the ceremony was hell. Don't really want to talk about it. You?" Kaidan nodded at his face. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Did a stint as a vigilante on Omega. Took a rocket to the face. _Really_ don't want to talk about it." Garrus crossed his legs, still not meeting Kaidan's eyes. "Did you ever run across the name Archangel?"

Kaidan was about to answer when he realized that Derek's shower was taking too long, and he was holding Derek's clean clothes. He thrust the bundle to Garrus' arms. "Can you check on him? He's taking too long, and," he swallowed. "I don't think he wants me to see him like this."

Garrus shrugged, then nodded, and walked up the three steps to the higher level of the cabin. Kaidan was careful to keep his eyes averted as the door hissed open, listened to Garrus' soft exclamation of surprise. Shepard had apparently slid down the wall, sitting on the floor of the shower, making Kaidan twitch as he wanted to run up to see if he was okay. 

"I'm _fine_ ," Shepard insisted, and Kaidan rocked back and forth as he continued listening. Garrus clicked his jaw, and then the sounds were muffled as Shepard was swabbed down and Garrus suddenly swore. 

"Doctor Chakwas said not to worry about that," Kaidan heard him. He wracked his brain for what it could be, then winced when he figured it out. Shepard was still seeping, and it was bad enough to make Garrus unhappy. "Really. Liners are on the shelf in here, hand me those."

More rustling, more muttering, and what seemed like hours later, Shepard stumbled down the steps again. He looked tired, still damp, but he no longer looked like he was about to shatter in a stiff breeze. Kaidan found his lips drawn upwards, even if he wasn't happy. He was on a Cerberus ship, filled with traitors to the Alliance, sitting across from the man who had broken him with his death and damn if his return to life wasn't much better. 

"We need to talk," Derek said, unconsciously leaning on Garrus who had put his arm around Derek's waist, again.

"Yeah, we do."

 

To be continued.  
Questions, comments and criticisms welcomed and encouraged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if the flashbacks aren't clear from the text. If you have suggestions on how to make them more obvious without using titles of some kind, please let me know?


	8. Chapter Eight: Recruiting

  
** Breeder **

Chapter Eight

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.

Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it. 

Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed. 

Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.

~*~*~*~*~

Light crawled up Shepard's legs, forming a holographic grid around him as the lights in the com room dimmed. He dropped his crossed arms, forcing his knees to hold him and straightening his spine. He was aware of his breathing, the rush to the bottom of his lungs and out again and using that to manage the sharp pain still radiating from his belly.

He peered through the dark, eyes fixing on the flair of the Illusive Man's cigarette as he stubbed it out. 

"Shepard," he greeted, "Good work on Horizon. Hopefully, the Collectors will think twice about attacking another of our colonies."

Shepard frowned. "They still got away with half the colony. I wouldn't be so quick to call it a victory."

"That's half a colony more than would have been there if you hadn't shown up." The Illusive man blew smoke, the minute circuitry of his eyes catching the dull light. "They'll be more cautious now. We'll need to find another way to draw them out."

Shepard tilted his head. "I caught that the Alliance was out here to investigate Cerberus, and if I was with them. Which... really makes no sense. I told them as much when I went to the Citadel. They even implied they knew I was alive, even before _I_ knew I was alive."

"I released a few carefully disguised rumors that you might be alive and working for Cerberus," the Illusive Man admitted. His eyes flicked over Shepard's face, and Shepard hoped he didn't look as wan as a felt. His months of physical stress were not helping his recovery time. "This particular mission had been under a communications blackout since before you awakened, if you are wondering why Staff Commander Alenko seemed out of the loop."

"I see." Shepard drew out the last vowel. "What were you trying to prove?" Shepard fought to keep his poker face, using the physical pain to hide his anger. 

"I suspected that the Collectors were looking for you, or people connected to you, even before you awakened. Now I know for certain. It was a risk, but I couldn't just wait for them to take another colony." His eyes were hidden in the dark, but Shepard fancied he could feel his gaze across the light years. "You understand."

Shepard let himself wince, breath hitching in his chest as the Illusive Man tried to make a 'subtle' reference to Mindoir. "We have to make sure they don't attack anyone else." 

The Illusive Man sat back. "I want the Collectors stopped for that very reason. That's why we're doing this. I'm devoting all resources to finding a way through the Omega 4 relay. We have to hit them were we live."

Shepard kept his face neutral, pretending to play along as he crossed his arms and nodded.

"Your team will need to be strong... as will their resolve. There's no looking back." The Illusive Man lit another cigarette, silent for a moment. "The same goes for you." He took a drag off his cigarette. "You aren't back to one hundred percent, but you need to put this," he gestured towards Shepard's mid-section, "behind you." He let the smoke curl from his lips and out his nose. "Allow me to be blunt. Alenko might still carry a torch, but all evidence suggests he's done his best to move on. He's been promoted, and likely will be promoted again before the end of the year. He's also been seeing a pretty little thing on the Citadel." He took another drag, expression bland. "She's quite lovely, from what I hear. He's forged a new life, away from you, and you need to let go."

" _ **That is none of your damn business!**_ "

"If it interferes with the mission, it is. Better you should leave it behind." He flicked ash off his cigarette. "Whatever your feelings, it's a biological impossibility for you to remain faithful to him if he's not there. Moreover, once you hit the Omega 4 relay to the Collector home world... there's no guarantee you'll return. To have any hope of surviving, you- and your entire team- need to be fully committed to this. Alenko, no matter his feelings for you, will never be. "

"Don't worry," Shepard said, tired. "I'll take care of them. When it's time to go through the Omega 4 relay, we'll be ready."

"I trust you to know what you're doing," the Illusive Man replied, eyes back on Shepard's face, almost amused. "I just want clear about the odds. I also trust you to be more careful about your affairs." He took one last drag. "You can't afford to be sidelined again."

"I've got Mordin looking into an improved regulator," Shepard said, stiffly, to avoid any wobbling. "And I'll deal with my own 'affairs.'"

"Good. I've forwarded three more dossiers. Keep building your team, and I'll keep looking for a way through the relay." The Illusive Man sat back, and the shadows swallowed him. "And be careful, Shepard. The Collectors will be watching you."

~*~*~*~*~

_"We need to talk."_  
 _"Yeah, we do."_

*

Somehow, Kaidan Alenko had found himself traveling on a Cerberus vessel on a recruiting drive across the galaxy. Somehow, he had gotten talked into watching the proof that had convinced Shepard to work with Cerberus. Somehow, he had gotten a few emails to Anderson, who had basically told him to just 'wait and see.'

*

_"Unfortunately, we can't. Not here. The entire ship is bugged. But I'm going to tell you this, right now. I'd go help those colonists even if I had stop at the nearest mining colony and hitchhike. The Alliance and the Council were sitting with their thumbs up their ass, unwilling to listen to me besides reinstating me as a Spectre."_

*

That was why he was here, a week later on Haestrom, trying to dodge sunlight as much as the bullets as they first fought their way through swarms of geth. He had almost felt comfortable, like old times...  


"What the _fuck_?" Kaidan had to dive for cover as he watched Shepard walk beside him- before he was gone- and beating a stray geth on an overhead catwalk before diving back into cover. "You- what the hell is that? I've only seen a few Spectre vanguards pull that off!"

"Yeah, new trick," Shepard said, sounding disgustingly cheerful despite the circumstances as he popped in and out of cover. "Remember when I could make a barrier, but that was about it?"

"Right. Said it wasn't worth it for you to get wired for an amp." Kaidan tossed an overload at a geth rocket trooper about to aim at Garrus, who caught it with a neat headshot. Shepard threw another strange biotic attack, which caused the geth to react as if they were in pain, before rushing forward to finish them off with his submachine gun. "And now you're using techniques I thought were impossible!"

"Don't get him started!" Garrus warned, tone light. "I don't want to hear him brag about his incredible almighty biotic powers." He hit another geth with a concussive blast. "It's bad enough when he _does_ it."

"Hah," Shepard answered, diving into another geth and beating it to pieces. "When have I," he grunted, taking out the knees, then shooting it in the middle. "Ever bragged about this shit?" 

"No, but you _know_ you want to," Garrus said, getting back into cover. They made a final rush for the second demolition charge they needed. Shepard charged. "I am not jealous. Not at all." 

*

_"I tried to find you, but all Anderson would say was that you were under a communications blackout." Kaidan remembered Shepard clenching his fists and baring his teeth, despite the light wanting to shine through him. "And if you think I could have found another way, I dare you to find one. Turned myself into IA? And then what? Watched as the galaxy burned while I was dissected by the egg-heads?"_

*

They had a moment to pause, to breathe, and found another of Tali's journals. It had been two years since Kaidan had heard her voice. Two years since he had seen any of Shepard's crew.  


Kaidan had missed the small, tough quarian machinist. He had missed Liara's enthusiastic, obtuse explanations of prothean culture. He had heard a few of Wrex's short, blunt anecdotes of his life as a mercenary. He had even missed Ash's lascivious grin whenever he and Derek had started flirting, awkward and ham-handed as it had been. 

And he had _some_ of it back. Garrus, here, snarkily commenting on the length of Shepard's shotgun. Shepard firing back with the size not mattering, just how close you were when it went off. Kaidan's smile split his face as they scrambled up and back towards the fallen pillar. He had missed this. Longed for the synergy, craved the banter, yearned for Garrus making gawd-awful jokes about the length of his rifle. Had wished for Shepard covering his back, taking the heat and then coming out filthy, scored, but alive and grinning like a jackass when he beat a geth trooper in the flashlight.

*

_"I don't know." Kaidan didn't. He worried that Cerberus was manipulating Shepard, feared they were using the threat of a Reaper to coerce him into cooperation. Yet he had seen how fast the Collectors were to take a colony. Knew that the Alliance's hands were tied. Knew that even when he had been made Staff Commander, he was just one man. Shepard was an army._

_"Neither do I. But you trusted me once. Can you trust me again?"_

*

He heard a harsh crack, a mini sonic boom, and Kaidan was tossed into cover as Shepard fired at the hunter who had gotten through his guard. Then it was his turn to turn on his tech armor and step out in front of Shepard, hitting a rocket trooper an overload, and the was the report of a rifle, taking out the geth prime headed towards them both.

"If you are done showing off?" Garrus snapped, popping the heat sink. Yet his tone was buoyant, cheerful.

Kaidan hadn't seen Shepard this happy since... before. When things had been hell of a lot better than they were now. When Shepard had first come out of the wreckage. When they had stolen those few precious hours together before Ilos. The first time Shepard had returned the honor of unburdening himself to Kaidan, instead of just the other way around.

"Ah, come on. Kaidan's not seen all my new tricks yet!"

It hit him that he wasn't the only person enjoying himself. Garrus had been going for flashy headshots; Shepard was taking every opportunity to use his new biotics. _They were showing off_.

For him.

He was split between flattered, amused, and wanting to hit them both upside the head for show-boating. 

They got past the pillar, which went up in a cloud of dust and stone hail. The humor and good-spirits died, then. There had been no possibility of sparing the bodies under those pillars from the explosion.

*

_"I can't trust Cerberus."_

* 

The door was opened in short over... and to even more dead quarians, strewn about like broken dolls. None of the three men were strangers to death, but they still checked life signs, just in case. None of these seemed to be the Kal'Reeger they had spoken with earlier, which gave them some hope. Then Shepard hacked an ancient safe. Some things never changed.

The hologram of Tail warmed when Shepard showed up, and Kaidan felt a twist in his gut as he watched them. She still trusted Shepard. 

*

 _"I didn't say a damn thing about Cerberus. I asked if_ you _trusted_ me."

*

They got to Kal'Reegar, pinned down, wounded, but still giving the geth hell with his rocket launcher and willing to die covering their attack.

Shepard roared at him until he stood down, throwing out some bullshit . 

"So, you got a plan?" Kaidan shouted, as they stayed behind the railing next to Reegar. The noise of the attacks from the geth was nearly overwhelming. 

"The sniper perch. We've got the galaxy's best sniper right here," he nodded towards Garrus, who looked rather pleased at the praise. "And I've got a this baby," Shepard went on, patting the Arc Projector. "We'll rush the sniper perch, keep to cover because our shields are going to fry. I'll bring down the Colossus' shields, and Garrus, you finish it off with your sniper rifle. We'll trade off."

Workable, simple, and they rushed up the side, dodging in and out of cover, staying out of the sun long enough to get their shields back- Kaidan had to noticed that the Colossus went after Shepard first, half knocking him from cover if he didn't get behind the wall fast enough. It was nerve wracking, but they made it to the end and got Garrus into position. The only snag they hit was the set of stairs that allowed a slew of geth to come up from under them. 

Then it was Kaidan's turn to show off: using his tech armor to suicide rush three geth troopers, then overload them when the tech armor had them stunned. Following that up with a throw, and he turned to see Shepard eying him like he was a piece of meat. 

Then Garrus made the Colossus go boom, and it was his turn to get accolades. 

"Shut it, you'll make me blush, and I'm the wrong species," he said, airily, popping the heat sink and bowing. "But yes, yes, I am awesome. No need to remind me."

Shepard grinned again, and together they climbed down from their perch while looking around for useful equipment or resources to loot- before heading back to see if Reegar was okay.

"I'll be all right," the marine said. "You haven't gotten to Tali'Zorah yet?" Kaidan guessed the quarian marine was scowling, but it was hard to tell through that mask. But he was alive, and Kaidan knelt to give him a once over to see that the suit puncture was patched. 

"Not yet. Thought you might want to come with us," Shepard said, offering his hand to help him up. "Tali will want to know you're alive, and I'm not going to leave someone out here."

Kaidan closed his eyes, swallowing heard as his heart skipped. _This_ was why he had fallen for Shepard. He saw Shepard tug Reegar to his feet, slinging his right arm over his shoulders. Kaidan slid under Reegar's arm on the other side, with Garrus switching to assault rifle to bring up the rear. 

It took several minutes, but no more geth came to harry them as they limped to the back of the observatory.

*

_"Yeah. I trust you. Damn us both."_

~*~*~*~*~

The inside of the observatory was a small, cavernous room filled with server nodes and ancient debris. Tali'Zorah was standing at the far end, intent on the holo-interface in front of her. She was still moving from foot to foot as her three fingers flickered through and around the light.

"Just let me finish this download," she murmured, not turning around. 

Shepard glanced down at Reegar, who gave a shrug in return. "You don't want your present first?" he asked, before the wounded quarian chuckled, turning into a cough, sliding his arm off Shepard to hold his abdomen and straighten as best he could.

At the sound of his voice, Tali whipped around, body sagging first in relief then tensing with joy as she dashed down to embrace Reegar, giving a few choked sobs. "You made it!" she whispered, before drawing back. "You made it."

"Your old captain was just as good as you said," Reegar said, leaning towards her before stepping to the side to lean on a server node. His breathing eased. "The damn Colossus never stood a chance. Wish the others had made it, but I'll take what I can get."

She pulled back from him, nodding, and launched herself at Shepard with a soft "Thank you. If you hadn't gotten here when you did, I doubt I would have ever left this room alive." She patted his shoulders, back, stepping away when Garrus cleared his throat and Tali stuttered a laugh when she saw who was flanking Shepard. "Oh! Garrus! Alenko! What are you doing here?" She walked over, giving the two other men hugs of their own.

"I'm still trying to figure that one out, but it's good to see you," Kaidan said, and Shepard restrained his sigh.

"Good to see you, all of you, no matter the circumstances," Tali responded. With a sigh that could be heard even through her helmet, she returned to the holo-interface to finish getting her download. "I hope this damn data is worth it. I just lost most of my team for data on stars blowing up. I would have joined you back on Freedom's Progress but I couldn't let someone else take my place on something this risky."

"Was it worth it?" Shepard asked, curious. 

"I don't know. I just have to trust the admiralty board knows what they're doing," she muttered, frustration showing in her rigid back and shoulders. 

"What were you trying to find?" Garrus asked. He walked over to look at the data on the display, a thoughtful look on his plates. 

"When this was a quarian colony, Haestrom's sun was normal. Now, it's blowing off mass, similar to when a star enters a red giant stage. Only the sun here is too young for that to be happening. The only thing we could determine was that there was dark energy destabilizing the heart of the star."

"When you make your report, are you able to come with me?" Shepard asked, looking at the room. Thick, stone walls. Lots of radiation interference. Perhaps...

"Let me make that transmission on a secure channel, and I can come with you," Tali answered. "Will you be okay to make the trip back to the Fleet?" she asked, turning towards Reegar. 

"Aye, ma'am."

"Do you want us to take you back to the Flotilla?" Shepard asked, turning to Reegar, concerned. "You're wounded, and you would have difficulty piloting on your own."

"I am not going to pass out piloting a ship, Shepard. I'm a quarian, not an ancestors-cursed damsel in distress, that's just insulting," Reegar snapped, but Tali, Garrus and Kaidan exchanged glances and chuckled.

"Congratulations, Reegar. You've just met the galaxy's biggest mother hen," Tali said, laughter bubbling in her voice. "Don't bother fighting it. He'll smother you until you do."

"I do not," Shepard sputtered. "I'm doing my job."

"With a glass of warm milk, cookies, and a military pep talk," Kaidan piped up. "I've rarely had COs as, ah, concerned as you."

Shepard's jaw went slack, before his face tightened again. "Right, whatever. Before we go, I need a favor. I need my three favorite tech-heads to scan me, my armor, for bugs, transmitters beyond the usual communicators, or anything that might cause an explosion. Or any kind of kill switch."

The three mentioned tech-heads gaped at him. "I wouldn't put anything beyond Cerberus, but why are you asking now and here?"

Shepard grimaced, but he could feel his accusations, paranoia that he had not been allowed to vent, coming to the front. "I doubt even Cerberus could get a bug in here- that's not already attached. I can't be sure of anything, because the best lies are three-quarters truth, with enough gaps to let me fill in my own ideas. I might be paranoid, but if they tell me there is no control chip in my brain, then there must be one someplace else. The cost of my resurrection, the cost of the new Normandy: what the hell do they want to get out of that?"

"Well, they said they wanted you to stop the Collector attacks," Garrus said, knowing he spoke the obvious. "But they could have helped stop the Collectors by using Alliance sympathizers, their spy network. Keep things under the radar. They sure as hell wouldn't need to throw billions of credits at a single project for that."

Shepard nodded. "The Reapers are coming, but I can't be so irreplaceable that I had to be _resurrected_ to fight-"

"That's where you're wrong." To their surprise, it was Kaidan who interrupted. "No one else was you. Hell, the brass tried to force me into your shoes and you saw how well that went. You weren't alone, but you held a group of aliens together and defeated a conspiracy that could have been going for thousands of years. I consider the first accomplishment only _slightly_ higher than the second."

"People ride the wave of history, not cause it," Shepard objected. "They had to have another reason for resurrecting me that would directly benefit them. I don't believe for a minute that they wouldn't have had me shut down if I walked out on them."

"Right, like you would leave human colonies to be attacked," this time it was Tali who sniped at him. "But I get your point. All right. How do you want to do this?"

"How long until the next geth patrol?"

"A few hours, at least. Geth communications are as hampered by the sun here as ours," Tali answered, and Shepard nodded. He pulled his weapons and extraneous gear off his armor, before unfastening the seals.

"Tali, Kaidan, bio-scan. Look for anything that transmits, explodes, or just anything you don't recognize. Garrus, could you check my armor and weapons for recording devices or transmitters that _aren't_ standard. Everyone got their assignments?"

Reegar raised his hand.

"Yes, your job is to keep up morale with your witty banter and sparkling personality," Shepard said. "In other words, take a load off."

Reegar snorted, crossed his arms and slid down the server hub to get comfortable. It looked like they would be there for awhile.

~*~*~*~*~*~

They found bugs in the armor, and in Shepard's omni-tool, but no kill switch.

"Not sure what I'm looking at here, exactly," Tali said. "They've grafted a lot of tech to your organs. I can't tell all of their functions, but none of it seems to be transmitting or has a transmitter. No nothing explosive. As far as I can tell, you're clean."

Derek swallowed, then nodded. "That's... that's good." He shifted on his feet, starting to replace his armor, shaking his head. "Nice to know that they haven't found _another_ way to turn my body against me." He tried to keep from sounding bitter. He was profoundly happy that the deep cuts on his face had healed over, but the knowledge of what was covered was another thought he had to box away. 

"Another way?" Tali asked, confused. Shepard didn't look at her, just shook his head. "Is something wrong with your body?"

Shepard gave her a one shoulder shrug, but he could feel Kaidan and Garrus looking at him. "Nothing you need to worry about," he said, quietly. "Just," he scratched the back of his head, looking away. "Just how things are. I'm dealing with it."

Garrus opened his mouth, when Kaidan shook his head. 

"I understand, for what it's worth," Tali offered. "Having a body that you can't always control. Comes with being a quarian." Her voice turned light. "And female. Can't forget that part."

Reegar laughed. "No one could forget that part. Ma'am."

Derek, on the other hand, winced. "Let's go. I'm sick of this planet."

 

To be continued.  
Comments and criticism welcome and appreciated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic was started well before the release of ME3, and it shows in a lot of ways. Hence why Kaidan, who has a very different skill set in ME3, has some of the ME2 Sentinel abilities. I also had a different character interpretation than what came out in ME3. I tried writing Kaidan as leaving after Shepard collapsed, and I just couldn't do it. Kaidan's a compassionate man, and seeing your lover, ex or not, collapse on the ground when you just found out that he or she was alive is not something he could just walk away from. I don't believe I have had him OOC, and while I have taken him in a different direction from canon, I think he is still acting as normal. If you believe otherwise, please let me know.


	9. Chapter Nine: Vengence

  
**Breeder**  
Chapter Nine

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.

Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it. 

Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed. 

Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.

~*~*~*~*~

Garrus had thought he was hallucinating, at first. Days of stims, poor food and little water had him so on-edge that he had waking dreams of his squad still alive. Heard their voices complaining, accusing, telling him that he was being stupid. He would turn his head, see a flicker out of the corner of his eye. His nerves jangled more and more often as he fought to keep his hands and breathing steady even as he saw bodies moving under their shrouds.

He wished he had not trusted Sidonis. Wished he had been able to save his squad. He even wished Shepard was there, but that had seemed as likely as his squad coming back from the dead.

Then he was. Garrus had peered down his scope, body jolting like he had been shot at the sight of that arched nose, craggy face and black hair jumping over the wall and on to the bridge. Shepard, in custom N7 armor and being trailed by a human woman in a pornographically tight cat-suit and a battered human man in piecemeal had beaten their way across the bridge like it was nothing.

And Shepard hadn't known whom he was rescuing. After that, Garrus didn't remember much. He had been in too much pain.

Then he had awoken, to find himself on the Normandy. Not the old Normandy, of course, but a new one, run by Cerberus, and Shepard was there. Shepard, with circuitry glowing through scars on his face, but alive and the same brilliant warrior as before. The same man who had brought his squad through insane odds, and only lost one. 

Garrus had tried to grow beyond Shepard. Had tried to step out of his shadow, become the kind of hero he thought Shepard would have wanted him to be, and had failed. 

Garrus _hated_ Shepard at that moment, walking in like nothing had changed. Like Garrus wasn't a failure, like Garrus wasn't a warped shadow of himself, forcing him to be the person he had been. He didn't know how Shepard could be so happy to see him when Garrus had let down those good men and women working with him. Garrus didn't know how Shepard could sit on his bed, take his hand, and tell him that Shepard _trusted_ him.

Garrus remembered tensing, staring at that hand with its extra fingers, and had wished with all his might that things might actually be the same. And he hated himself for it.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Hero worship turned to resentment, but back to the belief that Shepard could not fail, not falter. Garrus blamed his own distraction and isolation for not noticing earlier that something was wrong.

The first time that Shepard had sprinted into the forward batteries, looking winded and spooked, Garrus hadn't quite known what to say. His time in C-Sec, the original Normandy, and with his squad had taught him a lot of human body language, but he had never expected to see this from Shepard. Sweaty, flushed, lips swollen and breathing hard as he had ducked through the doors like he expected a charging krogan to come after him. 

The discussion afterwards had been cheerful, and Garrus wanted to kick himself later when he should have recognized an avoidance tactic. He had enjoyed teasing Shepard about how he had become so popular with the male crew (a change from when he was on the original Normandy- Garrus remembered the sighs from almost all the females despite Shepard's less than interested response) and even how he had been affected. That mouth thing with the bottle? Even Garrus had to admit he was intrigued. 

Shepard's response had been first to freeze, poised to bolt, and Garrus had made sure to keep himself relaxed and harmless. It was the first time Garrus had ever seen Shepard on edge like _this_ ; paranoid and betrayed and about to jump at his shadow. It bothered him. To his relief Shepard then laughed the comment off. It even made Garrus bold enough to tease again, just a little, whipping out his long, muscular tongue and watching Shepard's amazement when it hit his nose. 

He had decided to enjoy Shepard's frequent visits after that, letting it be a reprieve from his dark thoughts about Sidonis, his lost team, or his frail connection to his family. 

Then had come Horizon.

The battle itself had been difficult, yet Garrus had noticed how Harbinger had singled Shepard out for biotic attacks. Attacks that tore through him, and Garrus did his best to keep him covered with sniper fire.

It wasn't enough, though they did survive the battle and save the majority of the colony. Then Garrus had noticed that Shepard's usual olive skin was gray as weathered bone. He didn't think Shepard heard him though, because that was the moment that Kaidan Alenko had chosen to walk back into their lives and Garrus was left off to the side, standing there, guarding Shepard's back but only on the periphery of their attention.

Once, a new human C-Sec agent had been asked to provide an example of human culture. She had chosen an ancient 2-D vid, one that had examples of human myth and humor, as well as romance, and explaining that humans thought kissing was romantic. In fact, it had mentioned that since the invention of the kiss, four (five? Ten? he couldn't remember) had been considered the most passionate, the most pure. Garrus wondered where this one would rate, and why he was left feeling like glass had gotten stuck in his crop.

Then Shepard collapsed. 

The galaxy flipped on its head. Suddenly _Shepard_ was the one who was injured, vulnerable, broken and Garrus realized that the Shepard he had known _was_ gone. Maybe, had never even existed. What was left was a good man in a hell of a position... 

And Garrus realized what it meant for Shepard to trust him.

~*~*~*~*~

Garrus had only a few leads to follow when it came to who had gotten Shepard pregnant.

He had a strong guess. Shepard's slip that time in the forward batteries more or less confirmed it, but Garrus wanted to be sure before he brought his suspicions to Shepard. After all, for all he knew, the liaison had been consensual. 

His old C-Sec instincts kicked that thought out the airlock. The part of him that knew Shepard just said _no_ , something was very wrong. If Shepard had been interested in someone, Shepard would have taken him on missions. Often. He wouldn't have acted ashamed.

Had to be human. Had to be a human male, on board for the past two months. That covered most of the human men, actually... Garrus continued ticking off his points. Had to be a human man, and one who knew that Shepard's masculine gender was different from his biological sex. Could be someone with access to his medical records, but as far as he knew, only Doctor Chakwas and Miranda did. Could mean someone who had been at that particular poker game, meant someone who had known what the phrase 'Mindoir gene mods' actually meant, instead of the smoke Shepard had blown. That meant it wasn't Donnelly. Jacob was a real possibility; he had been there when Lazarus rebuilt Shepard. Jacob was also someone he could image the Commander finding attractive enough for sex, but he didn't seem the type to force himself on anyone. The other, and Garrus' prime suspect, was Zaeed Massani. 

Zaeed Massani, whom Shepard seemed to avoid even when he did his rounds to check up on everyone. Someone who had reacted with surprise to Shepard's comment about Mindoir, but seemed more incredulous than confused. Who had lingered after that poker game, and after that Shepard had been acting distracted, skittish, and worried.

Garrus' plates pinched together in a scowl as he sat back, across from Shepard, Zaeed and Alenko as they rode in the kodiak down to the surface of Zorya, to take care of Zaeed's unfinished business. They sat there, quiet, as Zaeed informed them the man they needed to worry about named Vido Santiago, the head of the Blue Suns. 

"Been looking forward to killing that son of a bitch for a long time," Zaeed said, almost cooing, scarred face twisted in an expression of delight. He showed his teeth, before giving Shepard a slap on the arm. "Want to help me celebrate later?"

Shepard's flat expression didn't change. "Not interested."

"You? Not up for it? Isn't that impossible?" Zaeed's smile got wider, his gloved hand dropping on Shepard's knee. 

Shepard grabbed his wrist, voice dropping low, soft, and dangerous. "Not. Interested."

"Suit yourself."

Garrus, who had watched the entire exchange, made eye contact with Alenko, whose eyes were wide with disbelief. They both turned to Shepard, who shook his head. Whether he meant it as a 'no, this isn't what it looks like,' or 'no, don't kill this fucker right now,' Garrus wasn't sure. He _was_ sure he knew the identity of the man Shepard had slept with... but their dynamics were still confusing. Why the hell was Shepard letting this happen?

Zorya was hot, humid, and combined with the spores, it was slimy. They departed the kodiak in silence, Shepard taking point as usual as they waded through the steam. Water condensed on the surface of their armor, only to turn to mud as spores powdered them. Feathery mosses hung from the tree-analogs, soaking up the moisture and the sound of the refinery in the distance. 

The fights themselves were not difficult. Just Blue Suns, following Blue Suns tactics. Garrus ate Blue Suns for breakfast, and from the look of it, Zaeed did the same. Shepard was Shepard, charging across the battlefield, reaving foes, and Kaidan was all but indestructible. 

Garrus approved. Alenko had been a lot less sturdy before. Now he took rockets to the face and exploded pyros' fuel packs with impunity. Which was sexy, he had to admit, no matter what species you found attractive.

The first confrontation with Vido, after Zaeed's little revelation about how he had been shot in the face, went about as well as could be expected. Except for one small detail. 

" _What the hell are you doing?_ " Shepard barked as the explosion caused by Zaeed's pounding washed over them, making skin burn and tighten and the people inside scream.

"Opening the gate," the old merc replied, nonchalant. Garrus could have told Shepard that, but to his surprise Shepard stood up and ran towards the merc, hands in fists.

"We don't sacrifice lives for the sake of the mission! There's always a better way!" Shepard insisted, grabbing the front of Zaeed's armor to shake him. 

"Like what?" Zaeed snapped back, clutching Shepard's hands by the wrists, forcing them back. "Wandering around in the jungle for hours, looking for another way in?" His voice rose, incredulous. "You want to waste your time out here, go ahead. I'm going to kill-"

Shepard's first punch sent Zaeed staggering. "You're endangering lives- and the mission- for your own selfish revenge," Shepard snarled, face twisted in a rage that Garrus had never seen before. 

"You really want to do this Shepard?" Zaeed answered, straightening and stepping in close. "Not exactly the time for foreplay, is it?"

Shepard's second punch bloodied Zaeed's nose. "I ought to knock you the hell out. But, _thanks to you_ , we've got a burning refinery to save."

"Let these people burn!" Zaeed's snarl tore cut the air. "Vido dies, _whatever the cost!_ "  


Shepard didn't punch him this time. Instead, he kicked Zaeed in the balls. Zaeed yelped, and Garrus noticed Alenko wincing in sympathy despite the situation. He made a note of it: human gonads were weaknesses. Shepard stalked away, leading them through the gate.

"You paying attention?" Garrus asked, quiet, as they both brought up the rear. Alenko nodded, lips pressed together. "I think we found baby-daddy."

"Yeah." Alenko frowned, looking away. "And I don't think it was a happy relationship." 

"Understatement." Garrus' plates pinched again. "At best, it was a way to work off tension. At worst..." He didn't finish that sentence, because it seemed that the 'at worst' option had never occurred to Alenko. The sentinel blanched, then hissed.

"We need to keep up with them. If he can beat Shepard in a one-on-one fight..."

Garrus nodded, and together, they caught up to keep a watch on Shepard's back.

~*~*~*~*~

"Not this time, Zaeed, you son of a bitch," Vido's voice echoed from the gunship's speakers as it took to the air. "See you in another twenty years."

They had gone to save the workers, fought their way through mechs and raining fire, only to get to landing pad a step too late. Vido was already taking off as the four men raced across the stained pad, Shepard getting caught and staggered by the backwash of the gunship's engines.

Garrus and Alenko ran after Shepard, while Zaeed bellowed anger and fired at the departing gunship. They weren't able to stop Zaeed from striking, whipping the butt of his assault rifle across Shepard's face and knocking him on his ass, glowing thermal clips flying. No one paid attention to the liquid fuel igniting in the background.

"You _bitch_ , you just cost me twenty years of my life!" Zaeed howled, ignoring Alenko and Garrus, who had trained their guns on him. Shepard was the only one who noticed the flames reaching the fuel tank, and rolled out of the way, using a biotic shockwave to knock Alenko and Garrus clear. 

Zaeed, who had been so fixated on Shepard, didn't see the I-beam falling until it was too late. Garrus had to imagine there was some kind of philosophical point to be made but damn if he cared right then.

"Argh! Son of a bitch!" 

Shepard massaged his jaw, getting to his feet and walking over to Zaeed. "I cost you twenty years? You cost me a miscarriage, you bastard."

" _What?_ I thought you were on birth control!" Zaeed's eyes bugged out, before closing them. "This is not the time to be discussing this! Get me out of this shithole!"

Garrus got to his feet, listening intently as Shepard walked to Zaeed, crouching beside him. "I don't think I _need_ someone like you on my ship, and I sure as hell don't want you there," Shepard murmured, almost to himself. Zaeed struggled, reaching for the beam, panicked. 

"If you didn't need me, Cerberus wouldn't have paid my fee," he said, voice shaking as he tried to pull himself free. "You wouldn't have come back if to my cot if you hadn't needed it. I did what I was paid to do, nothing more and nothing less."

"Cerberus paid you...?" Shepard frowned, before standing. " _Forcing yourself on me was part of your damn contract?_ "

Zaeed opened his mouth, but Shepard already had his pistol hovering between Zaeed's eyes, before holstering his pistol. He gestured for Garrus and Kaidan to follow him. 

Zaeed howled in terror as they reached the exit.

"No," Shepard murmured, looking down at his feet. "No. I refuse to drown in my own bile for the rest of my life." He twisted, turning back to Zaeed. "Work with me, or I leave you here. You obey my orders now, Zaeed," Shepard growled, loathing dripping from his voice. He drew his pistol again, this time aiming at Zaeed's groin. "And you remember this. The mission comes first, _your_ goals second." 

"I- okay, you have a point." Zaeed's voice dropped, thoughtful, his gaze fixing on Shepard's mid-section. "I'm not done with Vido, but I can put that aside, for now." He paused as Shepard walked over to the I-beam, lifting it with strength to rival a krogan. He got to his feet. "And... for what it's worth, I didn't mean for that to happen."

"I know."

Garrus' jaw went slack as Shepard lashed out, laying a haymaker on Zaeed's jaw and knocking him flat on his ass, unconscious. 

"That," Shepard said, massaging his knuckles, "felt damn good." His smile was laced with vicious satisfaction, before hauling the human merc up to toss over his shoulder. He gestured for Garrus and Alenko to follow him, and they turned to head back through the refinery.

Garrus and Alenko exchanged a glance; they had a lot to talk about.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Are you ready to talk to us now?" Garrus asked, watching as Shepard dumped the unconscious Zaeed none-too-gently into the kodiak before stepping back, but not turning to look at them, leaning on the side of the shuttle. "We've been worried sick and deserve some answers here!"

"What do you want me to say?" Shepard said, still not turning around, voice muffled. "What do you want me to tell you?"

"Well, for one thing," Kaidan piped up. "I mean... It sounded like Massani..." He stopped, unable to say the obvious. 

Shepard, who had rested his head against the shuttle, swung around, still hunched over. He leaned his back against the slick metal, sliding down and gesturing for both men to sit as well. They did, close enough that their knees were pressed against each other's thighs.

"It's complicated," Shepard started, rubbing his abused face. "Right," he looked around and sighed, one hand splaying across his abdomen. "Remember that poker night?"

"The one where Mordin mentioned the Mindoir gene mods?" Garrus asked, and Kaidan looked puzzled, but kept quiet. "Everyone was really drunk, Mordin thought Shepard was flirting with me after I asked why lips were sexy. Shepard did this mouth thing on a bottle I thought only asari could do." Kaidan's eyebrows went up, covering his mouth to stop himself from laughing.

"Yeah... he's pretty good at that," Kaidan said, somehow keeping a straight face. Garrus smothered a snicker.

" _Anyways_ ," Shepard said, clearing his throat. "Zaeed wanted to talk to me. Told me that he had met someone else like me. Another Mindoir survivor," he rubbed his hands over his face. "Another breeder." 

"Breeder? Um. Nice name," Kaidan muttered. "So he knew what your mods meant?"

Shepard nodded, speaking in a soft monotone. "Capable of carrying as well as siring children. What Doctor Chakwas might not have told you is that we're easily aroused when we're," he groped for words. "We can be impregnated." He licked his lips, eyes flickering to both Garrus and Kaidan. "The man that Zaeed had met didn't have any kind of implant, nothing to control his body's response. He said that the man was almost catatonic without sex." He rubbed the back of his neck, face turning red. "Got me real angry... Then he kissed me. And I told him to stop." Shepard swallowed. "But when he touched me, I didn't fight." Shepard stared at his knees. "I had been coping, up until then. Lots of jerking off, cold showers, dodging the men who got a bit grabby. Then he wouldn't stop and I couldn't fight back."

Garrus shifted, his talons ripping at the muddy turf. "Why the hell didn't you say something? That's _rape_ , Shepard!"

"I went back to him," Shepard said, voice cracking. 

" _What?_ " This time it was Kaidan, shocked. "Why?"

Shepard closed his eyes. "Because there was more than _me_ to worry about. The bastard was right; I need sex to function. I could finally sleep. Relax enough to taste food. I didn't trust any of the Cerberus crew to go to them for this, and," he chuckled in self-mockery. "The horse was already stolen. What was the point of locking the barn?"

His translator struggled, but Garrus got the gist of it. Without thinking he lashed out, lunging to his knees, his fist planting beside Shepard's head in the shuttle armor. " _No! Don't say that, Shepard!_ Why didn't you come to me for help? Alenko wasn't there, but _I_ was! Why didn't you say something?"

Shepard met his eyes, lips thinning as he frowned, reaching up to take his wrist. "What was I going to do, Garrus? Ask you to kill Zaeed? _Ask for a pity fuck_?" His voice rose to a shout.

That left both Kaidan and Garrus gaping, but Shepard kept a gentle grip on Garrus' wrist. "I've asked Mordin to work on a better implant. Outside of being neutered, there's _nothing_ permanent that can be done. It will happen again, next time I," he chuckled, this time a touch hysterical. "Go into heat. If it's not Zaeed, it will be someone else." He kept hold of Garrus wrist, getting control of his breathing, tone softening. "We should go."

Kaidan eased up to Shepard, putting a hand on his face, brushing a thumb across his cheek. "You don't have to do it by yourself, you know. Garrus is here; I'm here. Tali's here, too." 

"Do _what_?" Shepard whispered. "Not out of pity."

"It's not about pity," Kaidan snapped, but he kept his hand stroking Shepard's face. "It's about us giving a damn about you. Asking for help won't make me," he gestured at Garrus, who maneuvered his grip around to take Shepard's hand. "Us, respect you any less. You couldn't have planned for this, you're handling it as best as anyone could. Just tell us about it. Knowing you, you'll try to plaster over everyone's hurts all by yourself. That's okay, but we're big boys and we can handle knowing you aren't invincible."

Shepard tried to laugh, before struggling to his feet.

"I have one more question," Garrus said, as both he and Kaidan followed. "Why is Zaeed still alive?"

Shepard paused. "Why kill him? He's hurt me, but if I kill him, he can't live with me beating him, and it won't stop me from," he paused again, then shrugged at the phrase. "Going into heat again. He as much as said Cerberus put him up to it." Shepard's face turned grim. "You know I joined the Alliance to kill batarians?"

Both men turned, looking at Shepard as he calmed. Apparently he had no problem discussing this.

"No, hadn't heard that, though it makes sense," Garrus said, unsure. "After what happened to your colony."

"I did. Then came the Skyllian Blitz. People I was supposed to protect, _civilians_ , died because I ran off to kill the raiders; I realized I could either let my anger go and protect the people who needed me, or I could do the opposite. I could let people die who were innocent to kill those I hated." He grimaced. "Zaeed knows he can't touch me again unless I want it. He knows he's beaten, and his revenge cost him twenty years. I'd rather let him live in his misery." Shepard shrugged again. "And take care of stopping the Collectors."

Enough seemed to be said, as Shepard hopped up into the kodiak's open doors. Kaidan was about to follow, when Garrus tapped him on the shoulder.

"Alenko?" Garrus murmured. "Did you just volunteer us, and _Tali_ , to have intercourse with Shepard?"

To be continued.  
Comments and criticism welcomed and appreciated.


	10. Chapter Ten: Moment

  
** Breeder **

Chapter Ten

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.

Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it. 

Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed. 

Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Shepard held still, face expressionless as Mordin hummed to himself, hovering over the back of his neck as he felt the new implant wedged under his skin. The local anesthetic killed any pain, but it was still strange to feel anything moving under there. It was made more difficult by the addition of his skin weaves, but Mordin was up to the challenge.

"Not able to create perfect implant," Mordin said, fingers flickering against the almost-numb skin. "Had to prioritize. Advantages over old implant: reduced and more controlled arousal response, reduced pheromone production, and fewer hormone surges. Disadvantages: instead of four you now have six periods where impregnation is possible during a year. Less effective at preventing pregnancy as well."

"The other one didn't seem to help much," Shepard pointed out, as Mordin put medigel over the incision. "What's the point if this one is even less effective?"

"More ability to control physiological response. No more bending over for random men." Mordin replied. "Should note, however, that libido will still be higher than before Project Lazarus." He shook his head, sounding perturbed. "Confused as to what Mindoir geneticists imagined for subjects. No future, free will, outside of breeding? Only outcome? Not an eventual detriment to the colony? How?" He sounded incensed. "Unethical, unsound reasoning. Only viable for short term repopulation efforts. Don't understand why it is passed on to offspring."

"So, what you're saying is that without any kind of implant, I'd spend the rest of my life pregnant," Shepard said, more of a question. 

"Yes." Mordin inhaled, turning it into a snort. "Most krogan females would trade places with you, but human norms quite different." 

"Thanks, Mordin. You've given me nightmare fuel for the next few weeks." Shepard stood, rolling his head a bit. The numbness would last for another few hours until the medigel finished healing the incision. 

"Always happy to help. Considered other methods along with regulator. Ran simulation of your physiology with different IUDs, all had you unable to walk within a week. Best results would be barrier methods, and morning-after emergency contraceptives. Be prepared."

"I get it, Mordin." He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Thank you."

~*~*~*~*~

Kaidan rubbed his eyes, trying to will the film and the burn that came from staring at a datapad for hours-on-end away.

When Kaidan had come on board the Normandy, he had no time to take anything other than the armor on his back, his weapons and omni-tool. He had run to Derek, along with Garrus, and before he had known it he was on the new Normandy, using all his medic training to keep Derek together. 

He still vaguely recalled Lawson trying to throw him off the shuttle. He had drawn his pistol on her, when Garrus backed him up and said that Shepard wouldn't want them fighting. That would explain why Lawson still refused to speak to him, at least.

He was sitting in the crew quarters, dressed in Cerberus fatigues, looking at the damn logo plastered _everywhere_ , and listening to Patel gently encourage Rolston as he worried about his family. Yesterday he had joined Joker in the cockpit, trading jibes with EDI. The day before, he had joined Ken and Gabby for poker. The previous week, he had gone with Shepard, Garrus and Jacob to deal with his father. These weren't _evil_ people, even if their organization was. 

Part of him wanted to find Derek and scream _'it's a trap!'_ at the top of his lungs. The luxurious ship, the crew of good-hearted people just wanting to stop the Reapers, the inclusion of an alien crew... All of it seemed to devoted to lulling Shepard into a false sense of security. To make him think that Cerberus was not evil, devoted to shaping humanity into some twisted vision of the Illusive Man's.

He trusted Derek. Trusted Derek to do what he believed to be right, even if he turned out to be wrong later. He knew Shepard would protect those colonists, stop the Collectors, even if it meant selling his soul.

He shuddered, getting to his feet.

"You okay, Alenko?" Patel asked. "You're looking a bit freaked." She and Rolston had been friendly, even if they didn't seem happy to have an Alliance officer in their space.

"You could say that," he said, soft, glancing down at his datapad, one filled with all the data they had gathered aboard the Collector ship. 

_They're going to target Earth._

Kaidan never been the type to go looking for reassurance. He wasn't a whiner. But he needed to get this off his chest, to get another point of view, another opinion. He briefly considered Garrus, or Tali... but Tali was still hurting over the loss of her team, and Garrus... Garrus had changed even more than Derek. And, just a little bit, he wanted some time alone with the man he had fallen so hard for. But there was so much more to worry about.

"EDI?"

"Yes, Commander Alenko?" the pleasant A.I. responded, its not-face popping into existence nearby. 

"Where is Commander Shepard?"

"Commander Shepard has finished making his rounds for the day after going off duty and is in his cabin," EDI replied. Kaidan gave his thanks, and then headed towards the elevator.

_They're going to target Earth_. He rocked back on forth on his toes, arms crossed as his eyes stayed stuck in the middle distance. _It was the same ship that killed the first Normandy._ Easily connected to the Reapers or not, the Collectors were a threat that could not be ignored. His fingers twitched the datapad back and forth as he waited the few moments for the elevator to arrive at the Captain's deck, walking out and hitting the chime and waiting for the door to open.

Kaidan blinked at what he found. 

Derek was sitting on one of his sofas, shoes off, with an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey in front of him and rubbing his chin. The table still had the strange Prothean orb sitting on top, but other than that, it was bare. 

"Come to join me?" Derek asked, waving at the bottle. "I'm thinking of getting shit-faced. See if it lasts more than ten minutes this time."

Kaidan shook his head, taking that as an invitation and walking down to the lower level, still holding on to the datapad. "Well, I wanted to talk to you about what we found out," he said, uncertainly. "And what we can do about it."

"About the Collectors?" Shepard said, peering at him, before pointing to the sofa seat cattycorner to his and reaching for the bottle. "I'm doing what I can. Building a strong team, and then we're going to take out their base."

"Are you going to tell the Alliance?" Kaidan asked, watching Derek take a drink and then offering it to him. Kaidan shrugged, and took a swig, grimacing at the strong, sour burn. 

"Yes," Shepard said. "But they can't act any faster than I can." Shepard licked his lips, crossing his legs and leaning back. "And the Illusive Man has found a derelict Reaper. He wants me to go after its IFF device." Derek smooth a hand over his face. "I need a better team first. We're not ready for it."

"So you're going to wait while the Collectors target more colonies?"

"I don't think they'll be so quick to go after more," Shepard said. "They know we have a countermeasure, and can make it hurt. If they've only got one or two ships out there, that hurt could be bad. I've included the countermeasure in your pad," he said, nodding towards the datapad in Kaidan's hand. "We're heading to the Citadel next so you can report."

"Oh." Kaidan deflated, grabbing the bottle to take another drink. "Um." He sighed, sitting back. "I hope this gets them off their asses. We can't officially act to protect anything in the Terminus, but if there is an obvious threat to Earth, and they already attacked an Alliance ship..." He trailed off, and got a third drink before Shepard took it back for his own gulp. 

"Yeah. Should be there in about half a day. Also got a few things to do for Garrus, then off to Illium, see how Liara is doing." They lapsed into silence for another moment, but it wasn't unpleasant. Just quiet, as they passed the bottle between them. Kaidan remembered, as the room started to tilt, that he didn't have Shepard's new liver. 

"You should probably stay on the Citadel, if you weren't planning on that already."

" _What?_ " Kaidan wasn't sure why the idea came as such a shock. He should have left weeks ago. A small, angry part of him had said he should have demanded to be left on Horizon once Shepard was- No. He couldn't have done that. Never. He had left Shepard once, allowed himself to be ordered away when he could have- And that was _stupid_ , he knew it, because Kaidan knew he would not have been able to save Derek. He knew it. Really.

"We're heading on a suicide mission." Derek leaned forward, earnest, just a bit slurred. "And no, that's not why I don't want you there. Having you at my back has been wonderful. I've missed you," he turned to Kaidan and smiled, the first honest smile Kaidan had seen on his face. Kaidan couldn't help but notice the lines around his eyes, or the flecks of steel gray that had started around his temples. Then he looked away. "I want you here with me, and that's not the problem, either." He picked up the bottle of brandy, swirling the fluid inside to watch it catch the light off the aquarium. "Someone has to tell the Alliance, brief the Council, of what's really going on." His face tightened. "Cerberus already spread so much misinformation about me that they probably wouldn't believe me if I gave a weather report. If they haven't ruined you, you can tell them what happened. Rally the Alliance if we don't make it through this."

Kaidan sat there for a moment, before taking the bottle from Derek's hands and swallowing enough to make him gasp. "Not enough booze for this."

"I won't throw you off if you want to stay," Shepard murmured, looking distant. "But I... need you to finish this, if I can't."

Kaidan sighed, putting down the bottle and rubbing his face. Too much to think about when he was feeling warm and loose. "When's your next, um, heat?"

"Five days." Shepard's smile turned brittle. "There were no complications from the new implant, or the miscarriage. I'm healed up."

Silence held for a few more moments, as Kaidan used the liquid courage he had consumed to ask. "What about us?"

"Us?" Derek shifted in his seat, leaning towards Kaidan, and Kaidan took Shepard's hand in both of his, drawing lines and circles across the palm. His hands and voice both trembled. "I was afraid to ask. It's been two years. I wouldn't blame you for moving on."

"I loved you." Kaidan brought Derek's palm to his lips, pressing a kiss there. "I mean... Six months ago, some friends talked me into asking this doctor out for drinks. We went out twice, had a beer. I air-kissed her cheek." He brushed his thumb over the palm of Shepard's long, narrow hand, watching his face flush, ears turning red. "Two weeks later I went to Horizon." Kaidan then kissed Derek's wrist, up again the lave the palm with his tongue. "Haven't contacted her since."

"Oh," Derek whispered, eyes-heavy lidded and easing closer. "I," he started to speak, then stopped and swallowed hard, blinking several times to push back a wet sheen. Kaidan tugged on his hand, pulling him closer. Shepard hesitated, then allowed himself to be pulled up and into Kaidan's lap, straddling his thighs. 

"I'm glad." 

Derek looped his arms around Kaidan's shoulders, heads pressed together while Kaidan smoothed his hands up and down Derek's sides, then up and under his uniform jacket to tug free his shirt. 

Kaidan's heart drummed against his ribs as he found Shepard's lips with his own: firm, wet and warm with the lingering bite of whiskey at the corners. To his embarrassment, butterflies filled his stomach even as he felt blood rush down to leave him half-erect when Derek whispered his name. 

His skin was smooth, soft under Kaidan's wandering hands, though the flesh underneath was harder, leaner than he remembered. Yet the kisses were the same, the smell was _almost_ the same. The soft sighs as Kaidan nipped Derek's ear, sucking at his throat, all the same. He shivered when Derek almost tore his shirt off, and returned the favor by shucking his uniform coat. 

Derek smiled down at him, sliding off his lap and to his feet, tugging Kaidan to follow as he backed towards the bed. He feathered kisses across Kaidan's face, breath catching as Kaidan's hands smoothed the line of his waist to find the closure of his uniform pants, opening button and seals. Then he froze, gripping Kaidan's arms and gritting his teeth, his face twisted with emotion. Nerves. Fear. Shame.

"Are you okay?" Kaidan asked, and Shepard nodded, giving him a quick kiss. 

"I... You know about the change, right?" Shepard asked, struggling with the words. "That I've got a," he took a long, shuddering breath. "Of course you do. You were there when I-" He looked away. "But, I'm not, _I'm different_ now, and-"

Kaidan nodded, brushing his lips against Derek's, rubbing circles up and down the small of his back. "Yeah. It's okay, Derek." He kissed Shepard again. "How do you want to do this?" He pressed their bodies together, chest to chest, watching the uncertainty drain from the other man's face. 

Shepard closed his eyes, nodding to himself, and continued towards the bed. "Condoms, drawer under the clock radio," he said, then gasped as Kaidan tongued his nipples, falling back onto the bed. Kaidan smirked, then rolled off him, rifling through the drawer to grab the box and watching Derek as he writhed out of his trousers and boxer-briefs. 

Kaidan took him in, noticing the lack of scars, the still-muscled body that had lost so much weight from what he remembered. The extra skin, underneath a full erection, and the wetness dripping out from underneath it. The warm flush on Derek's face and chest as he stroked himself, murmuring Kaidan's name. "You going to get over here or do you need an engraved invitation?"

He smiled again, putting the box down and dropping the rest of his clothes, crawling over to kneel between Shepard's legs, running his hands up and down the inside of Derek's thighs. Taking a look, for the first time, at how his body had changed.

The balls were gone, most of the area reformed into his vulva, which was flushed and wet under the fine hair. Kaidan leaned down, his fingers hesitant as he lightly stroked the lips, kissing the base of Derek's cock at Derek's soft hum. The smell was sweeter, headier, if not quite so heavy as the richly male scent he remembered from before. Kaidan felt clumsy; it had been a while since he had touched anything remotely female. He almost winced when the thought crossed his mind. 

He fixed his eyes on Derek's face when he pushed his calloused fingers into the wet, velvet warmth of Derek's body-

Which was how he managed to _not_ miss Derek's flinch.

"We don't have to do this, you know," Kaidan offered, watching as Derek tried to relax his clenched teeth and jaw. Even though Kaidan was lightheaded from Derek's scent, his touch, Kaidan refused to force anything. "You aren't a sex-toy, and I can handle this," he gestured to his erection. "On my own. Hell, you could top." He stroked Derek's cock, spreading the clear pre-cum. "If you aren't comfortable..."

Shepard grabbed Kaidan by the arms, pulling him forward into a teeth-knocking kiss. "I- I'm okay. Really. I want to do this. I _need_ to do this." He spread his legs further apart, grabbing for the condoms. He laughed, quietly, when he dropped them. "Don't know if," he stopped. Rallied. " _When_ I'll see you again." He opened the wrapper, pushing Kaidan to his knees to roll the condom onto his cock. "And I want to be with you... when _I_ want to be with you." He circled his fingers around Kaidan's length, stroking him up and down. "Not because I'm so hormone-addled I can't say no."

Kaidan swallowed, this time blinking away the sting that threatened his own eyes. "Derek," he murmured, kissing him sweetly, settling between his thighs, spreading them for a better angle. "I still love you."

He kept his eyes on Derek's face, getting all the harder as he pressed inside, watching Derek's jaw go slack, eyes closed. His breath caught, panting at the _tight, hot, slick_ as Derek's body seemed to pull him in. Small, happy sighs filled the captain's cabin as Kaidan drew back, then in, setting a slow pace as Shepard's legs curled up against his thighs, then his waist, whispers of 'yes' and 'oh, god, Kaidan," filling his ears. 

He kept his pace even, gentle, watching as Shepard reached down to stroke himself, eyes flickering back to Kaidan's face.

"I'm not going to _break_ ," Shepard hissed, digging his heels into Kaidan's back, before pushing Kaidan off, back and straddling his waist again to impale himself. Grunting, Derek rode him, and Kaidan swallowed hard, getting his feet under him to buck into Derek's body, grabbing his thighs and digging in hard as they both cursed, sobbed, hissed together. Kaidan found Shepard's cock, stroked it, thumbed the head, chest heaving as Shepard's head fell back and he came, his soft pussy convulsing, clenching around Kaidan.

Good, too good- with a few more thrusts he came as well, slumping back as Derek leaned forward, found his mouth for a lazy kiss. 

They rolled to the side, Kaidan pulling out and removing the condom, tying it off and tossing it into the waste basket.

"Not too bad," Shepard murmured with a sated sigh, limp against the pillows. Kaidan punched him in the shoulder, lifting his head with a raised eyebrow. 

"Nice to see where my notch on your belt is."

"No! No, that's not what I meant," Derek replied, eyes wide. "I meant," and his cheeks flushed. "Being um," he ran his fingers through his hair. "First time I've made love since the change." He ran his fingers up and down Kaidan's side. "And gotten to really, ah, pay attention to the differences." His frown was thoughtful, head dropping back to the side. "It wasn't... it felt good. I mean, it _did_ feel good before with- but I was trying to ignore it as much as possible and-"

Kaidan got to his elbow, covering Shepard's mouth. "It wasn't that bad from this end, either." He kissed Shepard's nose.

Derek chuckled. "Say for awhile? We got a few hours before we get to the Citadel."

Kaidan nodded, spooning behind him as they drifted off, watching the lights blue-shift through the overhead window. 

Stealing another moment from the rest of the galaxy.

 

To be continued.  
Comments and criticism appreciated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, most of this was written before I actually played ME3, if not before the game itself came out. However, I did spoil myself enough to see the clips of the Kaidan/ManShep love scene. For the most part, I really loved it. 
> 
> Also, I'm starting NaNoWriMo today, and I'm using the opportunity to finish the sequel, "Carry On." As this story is finished, posting should continue as normal, perhaps delayed by a day or two. Wish me luck, please.


	11. Chapter Eleven: Friendship, perhaps

  
**Breeder**

Chapter Eleven

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.

Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it. 

Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed. 

Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Too many memories.

Garrus watched Shepard's shuttle take off, to talk to Sidonis and draw him out, and tried to fight the siphon of belly-churning _rage_ that sucked him in when he thought of Sidonis. His team, the images of them dead, shredded, charred, still battered his mind whenever he closed his eyes to sleep. It had gotten even worse lately, with the addition of Shepard to the maimed wreckage of his dreams.

Here he was, now, with a chance to finally _get_ that son of a bitch. While Shepard hadn't been happy about Garrus taking revenge, he had at least agreed to help. Never seemed to be happy with the idea, which Garrus thought of as pretty hypocritical. He had already admitted to joining the Alliance Navy so he could kill pirates.

It took maybe a minute for him to fall into position from cover, bracing his rifle, sighting through his scope to find Sidonis sitting with his head in his hands. 

"All right. There he is," Garrus murmured into his communicator as Shepard strode amongst the crowd through the Citadel. "Wave him over, and keep him talking."

Garrus _refused_ to allow himself to get so stuck in memories that he ruined this. His team deserved justice. _He_ deserved justice for what Sidonis stole from him.

The Archangel exhaled, preparing to pull- "You're in my shot," he warned, loosening his grip to give Shepard a moment to step out of the way. 

_"Listen, Sidonis, I'm here to help you."_

**Whattheeverloving _fuck?_**

_"Don't ever say that name out loud!"_ Sidonis hissed, and Garrus hands convulsed on the grip of his rifle. Rage fogged his vision. The death rattle of his team shook in his ears.

_"I'm a friend of Garrus, and he wants you dead. I'm hoping that's not necessary,"_ Shepard went on. Garrus' rage shifted focus from Sidonis to Shepard in that moment, battering against his self control. His team demanded _justice_. They deserved to be known for the heroes they were instead butchered like animals! 

_"Garrus? Is this some kind of joke?"_

"Damn it, Shepard. He moves, I'm taking the shot," Garrus barked in Shepard's ear. His heart sped, body tensing as he looked for the best angle to avoid hitting Shepard.

Shepard refused to budge. 

_"You're not kidding, are you?"_ Shepard wasn't moving as Sidonis trembled. _"Screw this, I'm not sticking around here to find out. Tell Garrus I had my own problems!"_

_"Don't move."_ Shepard grabbed Sidonis' arm and placed himself in Garrus line-of-sight once again. _"I'm all that stands between you and a hole in the head."_

_"Fuck."_

Garrus' chest heaved as he tried to draw in air. Shepard was stopping him, _again_ , like he had with Doctor Saleon. He pulled away from his scope, growling in anger. 

All it would take, would be one squeeze. Sidonis would be dead. His team would be avenged. He would be avenged- and Garrus could forgive himself. No one else would be hurt by Sidonis, ever again. He wouldn't allow it. 

__Just get Shepard out of the way..._ _

_"Look, I didn't want to do it,"_ Sidonis wheezed. _"I didn't have a choice."_

"Everyone has a _choice_ ," Garrus snarled. He repositioned his rifle. Shepard was still in the way. 

_"They got to me. Said they would kill me if I didn't help. What was I supposed to do?"_ Sidonis continued to whine. 

"Let me take the shot, Shepard! He's a damn coward!" Why couldn't Shepard see that? He deserved to die! Why was Shepard protecting him?  


_"That's it? You were just trying to save yourself?"_ Like that made any difference! Why wouldn't Shepard let him take the shot? 

All it would take would be _one squeeze_. His Viper was more than powerful enough to go through two heads. 

Sidonis continued to ramble on, guilt talking, and Garrus wished it was worse. Guilt was too good for him. 

One squeeze. Shepard wouldn't feel a thing. 

_"I see their faces at night. Accusing me. I'm already a dead man. I don't sleep. Food has no taste. Some days, I just wish it was over."_

"Just give me the chance!" Garrus put his eye back to the scope. 

_"You got to let it go, Garrus,"_ Shepard whispered back. _"He's already paying for his crime."_

"Not enough. He's still got his life." Garrus felt like he had broken metal in his crop. If Shepard couldn't understand why he needed this, needed vengeance, then he should- he should- 

Another memory intruded, another man acting like a mad dog. _Vido dies! Whatever the cost!_

Garrus blinked at the strength of it, a sick feeling settling in his crop. 

_"Look at him, Garrus. There's nothing left to kill."_

Shepard holding a gun to Zaeed's head. Zaeed, who had been betrayed not just by his friend but by his whole team, and lost twenty years as a result. Zaeed, whom Shepard had not forgiven, but instead let go, putting his anger and pain aside. 

Because there was a goddamn galaxy that needed saving. 

Garrus had been thinking about shooting _Shepard_. 

_"Tell Garrus,"_ Sidonis said, voice dull and regretful. _"I guess there's nothing I can say to make it right."_ He leaned out on a rail, and Shepard didn't move to cover him. 

Nothing could make it right. Nothing ever would. Those men and women who followed him would always be dead. Garrus... no matter what he did... would have always failed them. Garrus couldn't help them now, and killing Sidonis would never bring them back from the dead. 

"Just... go. Tell him to _go_." Garrus put down his rifle, and the tension in Shepard's shoulders loosened. He didn't hear what Shepard said, didn't give a flying fuck what Sidonis said in answer. All he could do was holster his sniper rifle and walk away, breath coming in shaking, jarring gasps as he tried to reconcile what he had considered doing. 

He could either focus on the past, and his revenge, or he could focus on the future... and the people who needed him. 

"I know you want to talk about this," Garrus said, voice cracking when Shepard returned in the shuttle."But I don't. Not yet." 

Shepard looked up at, and nodded, putting a hand on his shoulder, the other cupping his scarred cheek. 

Eyes too large, skin too soft, a spirit too damn generous and forgiving to be real. Garrus pressed his forehead to Shepard's, closing his eyes, breathing in the scent of human sweat, hot ceramics and soap. He wondered at the spectacle they made, the turian leaning on the human for support, when he had believed it to be the other way around. 

__He didn't care, just put his hands on Shepard's shoulders, letting the Commander prop him up, small tremors going through his frame. He didn't know how long he stayed that way, grief and anger for himself and his team draining out. A moment, an hour? Did it matter?_ _

__"Let's get out of here," Garrus muttered, drawing back to look at Shepard's strange green eyes. "I need some distance from this place." He glanced back over, saw that Sidonis was gone. Shepard clapped him on the arm, and Garrus nodded to himself. "Thank you, Shepard."_ _

He wasn't sure if he felt at peace with things just yet. Nothing would ever make this _right_. Wasn't sure if this was the best way to honor his team. Yet he had seen what he might have become, and losing twenty years to bitterness was not going to be his fate. He could care for the living to mourn the dead. 

~*~*~*~*~

Garrus stared at the email from Alenko for several moments after Shepard left the forward batteries, seeing if Garrus was ready to talk just yet.

There had been booze involved. Enough to make the conversation less painful, though no ugly revelations had come to light just yet. Reach and flexibility had been mentioned. 

Kaidan's little faux pas about 'helping' Shepard had gone mostly unremarked on, except for a moment where he had turned vibrant red and sputtered, and there had been no more time to talk about it without Shepard overhearing. Garrus really hadn't intended to make the suggestion himself when he had told Shepard to come to him for help. The phrase _pity fuck_ had been like a splash of cold water in the face.

Yet... well. 

The message in his inbox had come from Alenko's private email account, but he had been able to verify it as genuine. It had shown up about a week after Kaidan had been dropped off at the Citadel.

_Garrus-_  
 _Well... yeah. I'm not thrilled with the idea._  
 _But yeah. Take care of him. For all of us._  
 _-Alenko_

~*~*~*~*~

"You realize what you're saying?" Tali asked, voice rising in pitch as she crossed her arms and sat down on a convenient crate.

"Well." Garrus paused, propping himself against the railing of the forward batteries. "Yeah? I didn't think I stuttered anywhere."

"And it doesn't bother you?" Her shoulders tensed, fingers clenched in small fists. She started tapping her feet on the deck in agitation. She sounded incredulous. "Not at all?"

"I'm not getting what's bothering you," Garrus asked. "We mentioned that Shepard's not exactly all male, biologically speaking. I mean, after the asari, having races that don't have matching gender and sex really shouldn't-"

"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it. Though that is weird. Never mind, it's Shepard." She shrugged. "I mean, how can you be all right with the idea of us talking about sleeping with Shepard so casually? Even sharing him?"

Garrus blinked. "We're taking care of our friend, and the one man- wo- per- _hope_ we have of stopping the Reapers. I mean, I've never considered cross species intercourse, outside of asari, but... it's _Shepard_. Come on, don't tell me it hasn't crossed your mind."

"Yes," Tali answered, slow and thick. "It has."

"Ooooh." Garrus closed his mouth with a click, plates bunching on his face. "Oh. _Oh_. I... um." He found himself using one of Shepard's typical gestures, rubbing the back of his neck. "Ah. I mean, I knew that Liara tried to pursue him, and Williams would rate the human men on board and say that Shepard had the best assets but... oh."

Tali heaved a great sigh, briefly fogging her faceplate. "Yes. I doubt he noticed, and it wasn't like I wanted him to. Well, not really. I stopped hoping after... Well, let's just say I saw how he looked at Kaidan." She squirmed. "We don't really talk about those kinds of relationships on the flotilla. We need to maintain our genetic diversity, so quarians that pursue relationships with those of their own sex still need to partner and reproduce. Even if it's helped along with technology." She pulled her feet to the top of the crate and hugged her knees. "My mother... well, let's just say she and my father loved each other, but they didn't spend a lot of quality time together. My auntie Raan was there more often. It's not encouraged."

"Tali-"

"I can't do it, Garrus," she said, simply. "I can't do casual sex." She hugged her knees tighter. "I love Shepard, and I know he's a good man, but it's too dangerous for me to do it without some kind of commitment. I couldn't share him, knowing that he's sleeping with someone else when I'm not there. That he's in love with Kaidan. How does that not bother you?"

Garrus blinked at her again. "Because... It's Alenko?"

"How does that make it better?"

Garrus opened his mouth, then closed it again, mandibles twitching. "Because..."

"He's human; they're obviously in love. Are you really going to try to get between that? Just let yourself be used for sex?" She made a rude noise. "No... given that I think _you've_ been in love with Shepard, _and_ Alenko since we were on the first Normandy."

Garrus mouth fell open. "What?"

"Come on, you three made a good team." She sounded amused now, seeing his face. "And for humans? Those two are _hot_. Though I never would have thought of you as the type to be interested in the male gender."

Garrus found himself blinking repeatedly. He really couldn't stop. "Uh... I just... It's _Shepard_." That pretty much summed up his feelings on the matter. He had never considered sex outside his own species, and while turians didn't have any taboos about same sex relationships, he had never been interested in men of his own species before. "And Alenko is..."

"Yes?" Tali's voice rose in amusement. "You wouldn't be considering this if you didn't find _something_ about them attractive."

"They're... soft," he said, pausing. "Like asari, but without the funny chest lumps?" Tali snorted in laughter. "And he's very warm, warmer than a turian. Cuddly. That's..."

"And you know that for a fact, do you?" Tali sounded like she was enjoying this a bit too much. "When did you discover this?"

"Tali!" His mouth was gaping open as she stopping holding back, doubling over in laughter.

"Oh, Keelah, Garrus," she said, sounding like she was about cry from laughter. "You are too cute!" She sighed. "It is so unfair. The hottest men on board getting it on and all I can do is imagine."

"I thought that was why I brought this up?" Garrus crossed his arms. "And it's not like I've gone up and asked him yet."

"No," Tali sighed, and shook her head. "I could never be content sharing someone. I'm still baffled that you are. Just... invite me up to watch?"

Garrus lifted an eyebrow ridge. "Hm. Given how many bugs are on this ship, you could just hack them and set up your own porn site," he commented, voice thick with irony.

Her happy hum as she mused did nothing to ease his nerves.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Garrus didn't get to the command deck often. This was why he came during the middle of Shepard's sleep cycle, hoping that Joker wasn't there, and that none of the Cerberus crew took notes. EDI might give him away, but only if Shepard asked.

Salarians, he was happy to note, needed little sleep. So, he had little worry of waking him.

Mordin was where he thought he would be, typing away. Garrus stood there a moment, hoping to be acknowledge.

Mordin ignored him. 

Garrus cleared his throat. 

Mordin continued to ignore him.

"Professor Solus?"

"Yes?" The salarian still flickered his fingers. "Don't often see you here. Can I help you with something?"

Garrus paused, fidgeted. "I'm... looking for your advice as a doctor." He hoped he didn't sound like the awkward adolescent virgin he happened to _feel_ like. 

Mordin finally looked up at him, eyes and lips lifting in a smile. "Ah, about time. Happy you told Shepard. Wondered, told Shepard would be good idea to find sexual partner. Thought you would be good candidate, didn't mention with Commander Alenko on board."

Garrus tilted his head. "Has everyone been mentally pairing us up? Because this is news to me. I hadn't even given the possibility any real thought until a few days ago."

If anything, Mordin's smile got wider. "Tried to steer Shepard in your direction after bottle fellatio incident. Can't get him pregnant, humans and turians both use sex to relieve stress, trust well established. Feared him too obtuse. Glad you caught on. However, should be aware of dangers. Human biology, like most in galaxy, based on levo-amino acids. While no danger of cross-species illness, still recommend condom use as internal absorption might cause allergic reaction, anaphylactic shock, in both parties. Also, dental dams." Mordin inhaled before opening his mouth to continue. "Shepard's unusual anatomy provides interesting opportunities. Curious if he's self-pollinating. Never mind, not related to topic at hand." The scientist activated his omni-tool. "Forwarding electronic advice and information booklet to your omni-tool, as well as instructional vids, erogenous zone overviews. Warn also that Shepard might have poor reaction if he believes himself... pressured. Also, can provide analgesic cream."

"Why would I need that?" Garrus wondered if he had been better off coming here instead of raiding Joker's porn stash. "You're just messing with me, aren't you?"

"Not for you, for Shepard."

Garrus swallowed, and nodded. 

"Enjoy yourself. Once properly relaxed, Shepard's genetic modifications mean he is far more easily aroused than most humans, turians, or asari. And after relationship is established, should be willing to initiate sexual activity. Frequently. Included stamina enhancing exercises as well as recommendations for herbal supplements in booklet."

"Ah," Garrus pulled up some of the information that had just been downloaded to his omni-tool, throat going a little dry. "Thanks."

"Always willing to help."

~*~*~*~*~*~

When Derek stepped out of his shower, there was porno music playing in his cabin.

This was a surprise. 

He stood there, hands on his head where he had been toweling his hair dry and unheeding of the water he dripped on the deck. His first thought was to wonder if Joker had pulled a prank on him. His second was _dammit, I'm naked_. He looked around, pulling his towel down to wrap around his waist.

He readied himself to pull with his biotics; he wasn't so paranoid yet that he carried a pistol with him into the shower. He noted that should change. 

He ignored the air chilling the water on his skin, making his nipples tighten and gooseflesh break out over his arms in that moment as Derek stepped down, expecting... ( _husks, Collectors, ninjas_ )

Not Garrus, sitting on his couch in the turian equivalent of casual wear, with two different glasses on the table. One was half-filled with deep red fluid, the other was empty with a lavender film tinting the crystal. 

"Hey." The turian didn't seem too perturbed that he had broken into Shepard's cabin to play obnoxious music. "I brought some wine. Best I could afford on a vigilante's salary."

Shepard just stared at him, jaw dropping before walking to the wall console to turn the music off. The last time he had heard something that trashy had been at Chora's Den. "Care to explain why you're here?" he asked, noting that despite the change in clothes Garrus still wore his visor, rather like a monocle. Garrus was watching him, head tilted, and Shepard frowned. The expression was not one he expected to see on Garrus face.

"You started your heat today."

Shepard's eyebrows went up. He took a seat on his bed, across from Garrus and crossing his arms. "Yes. Not as bad as last time," he admitted. The new implant was working. He could keep his focus, though he had resorted to a heating patch under his armor for the cramps. That didn't seem to have changed much. "But... why are you here?"

"I..." Garrus stood, walking over, and sat down next to Derek's right. "Look, Shepard, there's no one in this screwed up galaxy I respect more. You're one of the few friends I have left. I said I would help you through it, and I meant it." He placed a three-fingered hand on Derek's arm, blunted talons ghosting over the skin. 

"Garrus, I said I didn't want your pity," Shepard replied, weary. "I don't want-"

"This isn't about pity," Garrus interrupted him, moving his talons to draw up and down Shepard's spine. He watched, fascinated, as a soft shiver washed down the human's body. "This is about... Hell." He pressed his forehead to Shepard's, tongue lashing out to lick some of the water off his throat. Shepard's eyes shut, head automatically tilting to the side, making a soft croon. Garrus swallowed hard. "This is about me taking care of the person I care about the most." He let his tongue play over Derek's jaw, against his lips, and to the shell of his ear. "You tell me to leave, I'm out the door." Garrus pulled back. "But no. This isn't pity." 

Derek twitched. "Garrus," he murmured, taking the turian's hand, not opening his eyes yet. "What do you want from me? Out of this?"

"I want to see you safe," Garrus replied, without hesitation. "I won't pretend I have a fetish for humans, but... you're _you_." He wrapped one arm around Shepard's broad shoulders. "And..." He trailed off, looking distant, exhaling. "Never mind."

" _Garrus_." Derek tensed, opening his eyes to glare. 

"All right! I sort of... envied your closeness with Alenko." Garrus wasn't looking at him, instead focusing intently on the N7 helmet on Derek's desk. "Don't get me wrong. I never wanted to get between you, I didn't want to mess that up. Still don't. Just," he paused. "Felt left out." 

Derek's eyebrows went up, before reaching over to brush over his fingers over the graft on Garrus' face. "I didn't know."

Garrus chuckled without humor. "I didn't either. Not until Horizon. Then Alenko mentioned 'helping' you on Zorya, and my mind fell into the gutter." He put his free hand on Derek's chest, tweaking a nipple.

" _Fuck_ ," Derek hissed, legs spreading without thought, breath catching in his chest. "Don't... not unless you really, really mean it. Damn it." This time it was Derek's turn for humorless laughter as he squirmed, feeling wet and open. "God, Garrus, those aren't supposed to be that sensitive. Damn scientists." 

Garrus, being a wise ass, tweaked him again. "Huh. I _like_ that."

Derek made a small noise, fingers digging into the comforter. " _Garrus_." He wondered if he could find those damn geneticists and figure out who had connected his nipples to his groin. Or maybe it was Cerberus. He had no idea. Either he would kill them or-

"Oh _fuck_." Garrus had leaned down, grazing his skin with those sharp, sharp teeth then laving with that long, agile tongue. "I don't have a turian fetish but if you leave before finishing this I am going to kill you," he panted, grabbing the uninjured side of Garrus' head, his other grabbing Garrus' collar. Then he shuddered, let Garrus go. 

He laid himself out, open and vulnerable, watching as Garrus' pupils blew wide. "Thank you," he whispered. "I'm glad you're here."

Garrus expression was warm as he pressed their foreheads together again. "No problem." He tugged at the towel, which had come free from where it had hung, tucked around Derek's waist. "That means a lot, hearing you say that."

Derek lifted his hips, his towel getting tossed to the floor and feeling himself flush under Garrus' gaze. "Where the fuck did you learn human erogenous zones?" he asked, still panting as Garrus stroked his talons up the inside of his thighs. "I didn't think you were into humans." Derek's fingers and toes curled as those talons skirted just around his groin.

"Mordin is the biggest pervert alive," Garrus answered, carding through the almost-nonexistent hair around Derek's cock, then lower. "I went to ask him for advice, and he gave it." Garrus' rough fingers delved deep, delicately probing. "I don't care what the salarians say about not having a sex drive. He had _too much fun_ giving me the details."

Garrus expression turned smug when he found what he was looking for, and Shepard's back arched.

"Dammit- he told you all about the female stuff, didn't he?" Derek panted.

"Not just that," Garrus replied. "Though he said the female parts would be more... sensitive, while you're... receptive." Garrus all but grinned, withdrawing his fingers. "Get on your hands and knees."

Shepard frowned, lifting an eyebrow. "And I don't get to touch you? That's hardly," he stopped, when Garrus licked at the base of his cock, making his gasp."Fair."

"You can go embarrass yourself in front of Mordin later." Garrus pulled at his hip, and Derek acquiesced with a roll of his eyes, before closing them again, cradling his head in his arms. "And we can try the mouth thing next, because that's what started this mess."

Shepard shivered, those still-pointed talons tracing his ass, spreading his knees and he felt something laid down over his folds, just as Garrus muscular tongue traced the lips, the crack of his ass. Derek swore, voice rising, as that long tongue _writhed_ , first circling the sensitive pucker of his ass and then back down. Garrus quickly found his g-spot again, making Shepard fist his comforter and bite his arm.

" _Fuck_ ," Shepard whispered, over and over again, pushing back against Garrus' face, freeing up one hand to start stroking himself. "Going to join in? I don't like," he shuddered, the barest hints of Garrus' teeth grazing his lips making his back arch. "I don't want you left out," Derek panted. 

"You really want me to?"

"God, _yes_ , you calibrations-happy asshole." Shepard fell on to his side, wiping the sweat off his face and grinning like an idiot as Garrus sat back. He pulled the dental dam off himself, moving his heavy, hard cock aside. "I want you in me. Show me the size of your gun." He laughed, writhing on the bed as Garrus fumbled to peel off his clothes. "Fill me up with that turian cock. I want to try the other blue meat."

Garrus blinked- before sputtering in laughter- falling against Shepard. Shepard wiggled, hooking one leg around Garrus' waist and reaching down to stroke Garrus' erection, noting that, yes, it was blue. And broad. And very curved. His mouth watered.

"I- ah- I'm shocked I didn't fall for your charms earlier, Shepard," Garrus snickered, reaching for his pants pockets to pull out a turian condom. "Did you sweet talk Alenko like that?"

Derek shook his head, reaching up to take Garrus' visor off. "Never had the time." He went from humor to being wistful, fingers playing with the visor before putting it to the side as Garrus put the condom on himself. "We were always either trying to seize the moment or say goodbye." 

"I- me and my big mouth." Garrus sighed, tugging Derek to his chest. "He emailed me. Asked me to take care of you." Garrus nuzzled Derek's neck. "Whatever the hell this is, I've got permission."

"What, he's my pimp now?" Shepard said, but there was laughter in his voice. He took Garrus' cock, guiding it into himself, both grunting and shifting to get comfortable. "Shit, Garrus," he purred, feeling himself settle flush against Garrus' waist. "Good."

Derek had no idea what to look for on an aroused turian, but the sound Garrus made in response was definitely positive as he began rocking back and forth, small at first before hiking up Shepard's legs over his shoulders and slamming home.

The bed squeaked, knocking against the bulkhead and deck as both Garrus and Derek worked against each other. Garrus growling and Shepard swearing as he grabbing his dick to finish himself off.

It didn't take much longer, though they did change positions twice as Shepard got aggressive and knocked Garrus onto his back, and Garrus took exception and they wound up on their sides again. Garrus came soon after, with Shepard holding his hips to keep him close, coming a second time.

"Enjoyed that?" Garrus asked, touching Shepard's face, brushing over his swollen lips and red cheeks as they fell back into bed. Shepard nodded, grabbing the soiled comforter to drape over themselves. 

Garrus withdrew, sitting up and grabbing for his pants.

"Where are you going?" Shepard asked, lifting himself up on his elbow, wincing at the scratches and abrasions they hadn't quite managed to avoid. 

The turian tilted his head to the side. "Forward batteries? I thought I could get some-"

Shepard snorted, snatched at Garrus' arm and yanked him down onto the bed. "Sleep." Shepard yawned. "Mouth thing in the morning."

Garrus laughed. " _Yes sir_."

To be continued.  
Comments, questions and criticism appreciated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is my history of writing for anime fandoms obvious yet?


	12. Chapter Twelve: Gossip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Most of these sections were posted independently on the Mass Effect kink meme, and have little connecting them. However, they are somewhat short. Much of this story has been an experiment in technique for me, and the story often took on an episodic format. I hope you can enjoy them together.

  
**Breeder**

Chapter Twelve

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.

Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it. 

Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed. 

Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.

~*~*~*~

When Garrus woke up the next morning, it was to bleary eyes, empty fish tanks and wondering where his arms were.

Turns out they were holding on to something soft, warm, and half-sprawled on top of him, and also Commander Shepard.

Memory of the previous night played itself out, and Garrus felt both pride and pleasure at how the night had gone; his surprise had went mostly as planned. He hadn't expected to tell Shepard about how he had felt left out, but he reassured himself that there at least had been booze involved this time.

Shepard's glass still had wine in it, completely untouched by anything save evaporation. Garrus snorted in amusement, then stroked Shepard's fuzzy head when he stirred. Not for the first time, he noted that humanity looked almost nothing like how they acted. They were aggressive, individualistic, prone to extreme emotion: should have looked like the krogan. Instead they presented the galaxy with big eyes, deceptively soft but strong bodies, curiosity and inventiveness and Commander Shepard.

He found himself flicking Shepard's ear back and forth. Weird. Cartilage? He stopped when Shepard swatted his hand, snorted, and rolled off him to the other side of the bed, curling up in a ball.

Garrus checked the clock. Shepard wouldn't be going on duty for another two hours. He wouldn't be missed by anyone on the ship unless they were called away for a mission. Still, going back to sleep didn't really appeal. 

Moving with care to keep his spurs away from the mattress and comforter, Garrus got to his feet, exploring the odd array of knickknacks in Shepard's quarters. Prothean artifact, empty fish tanks, an unfinished model of a turian cruiser. Kaidan's picture was next to the display of Shepard's models. He couldn't bring himself to inspect Shepard's old N7 helmet; he didn't want to know how Shepard had gotten it. 

There were two more things on Shepard's desk. The first was a datapad filled with book files. Most of it was Earth military history with some turian thrown in, a few of Liara's papers on the protheans, and, if he guessed, some kind of detective novels. Maybe some old myth cycles, given the simplistic titles like "Superman" and "Batman." He put the pad down and turned his attention to the small picture frame.

Touching the edge with a talon, his eyes widened as the picture came up. 

Seven humans, of different ages, sitting or standing in deliberate poses. A portrait. Two mature adults, one female with orange hair and green eyes, a male with dark brown on brown sat in the middle row. A very young child with the same orange hair, almost an infant, sat cuddled to the woman's chest. The male had a young boy in his lap, older than the infant but not as old as the other boy sitting on the ground between the two adults. Garrus' gaze traveled up, to the two young adults kneeling behind the elders. One was female, with the same brilliant orange hair as the woman she sat next to, green eyes lifted and mouth quirked in a smile. She looked to be about the same age as the other youth beside her.

Who was Commander Shepard. 

Garrus had trouble recognizing him at first. The lines that he had assumed were constant on the human's face were gone. His hair was a brighter color, skin darker. His odd square teeth were white against his skin in a broad grin, echoing the female beside him. 

Touching the frame again, it changed to a shot of Shepard and his sister, he assumed. She had her arm around his neck in a lock, his face was a vibrant red, and his sister's free fist against his skull. The next picture was of Shepard tossing the youngest boy into the air. The fourth was Shepard (he assumed it was Shepard) buried underneath a pile of his siblings, and a small furry animal sitting on top and looking smug.

"That was the time we tried to catch my Mom's cat, Conan." Garrus turned, seeing Shepard looking over his shoulder. Garrus lifted an eyebrow ridge. He hadn't heard the human stir.

"A small, furry mammal... did that?" He was sure he saw a broken door in the background, but the image was blurry. 

He sat down on the couch. "Can you tell me about them?" Garrus gestured with the picture. "You listened enough to my daddy issues back on the first Normandy."

Shepard shrugged, sliding down beside him, taking the picture frame. "The cat, Conan, needed a pill for parasites. I don't know if you're familiar with cats, but this one was evil enough to face a varren." He smiled at the picture. "I grabbed the cat. He wiggled free. Jane," he said, pointing at the other young adult. "She grabbed the cat. The cat escaped again. My little brother, James, started chasing Conan, tripped and fell into the barn gate. The cows got out. While my parents went after the cows, I was still chasing the cat. The cat climbed up a tree. I followed. Conan bit through my pants. Then I fell out. Jane tried to catch me, and Michael, my little little brother, tried to help by grabbing her legs. James cheered Conan on. We made quite a pile. James and Aaron, my baby brother, decided I wasn't buried far enough, so they joined in. Conan landed on us all, just to prove his point. Dad took a picture a moment later. My first great battle ended in defeat."

Garrus laughed, watching as Shepard looked back at the pictures, pointing. "My parents, Hannah and John." He pointed at the couple, standing next to each other beside a sink. "Both of them were veterans of Shanxi." Garrus twitched. "They wanted a fresh start after that, someplace where they could forget what they saw." Shepard sighed. "Even if it meant letting their first two kids be science experiments."

"So, that's your parent angst?" Garrus asked. "Guess it's a little more, um, earned than mine."

"Right, angst contest, no. I don't do that." Shepard answered, and snorted. "Jane and I were about two weeks apart. Close enough that we were essentially twins." He frowned, this time a little harder. "For all I know, we were. Mom never told me if they donated more than one zygote." He rubbed his chin, and grimaced. "Her gene mod package was different from mine. She would have always produce multiple births, three or more, which is pretty rare and often dangerous in humans. If there were no human males, she would spontaneously get pregnant via parthenogenesis." Shepard shrugged again. "If things had been different, it might be her here with you. She was the one that was gung-ho for joining the Alliance." 

Shepard put the picture frame down. "Always getting me into trouble. My job was to get us _out_. Didn't always work, though."

"Are you still angry at your parents?"

"God," Shepard muttered, now rubbing his eyes. "No. It took me years to forgive them, but I did." He shrugged, picking the frame up again. "It's healed, Garrus." He flipped through the pictures. "It's not perfect, and the scar still aches in cold weather, but I don't have nightmares about them anymore." He put the frame on his lap. "I'll always miss them, though."

Garrus tilted his head. Here he was, sitting on Shepard's sofa, naked, after a night of pretty good sex, looking at pictures of his lover's murdered family. Awkward didn't begin to cover it.

Offer assurances? Platitudes? Make an offer for more sex?

"And this is why I usually listen instead of talk," Shepard said, getting to his feet. He gave Garrus a small, sly smile, tugging Garrus' hand. "Care to join me for a shower?"

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Soooo," Tali asked, as they placed their food orders at their table kiosk at the nightclub called Eternity. "How was it?"

It had seemed like a good idea at the time, to invite Tali out for a meal when they were in a place that served good dextro-compatible food. That was before they had gotten to Illium.

"How was what?" he asked, only half hearing her as he scrolled through the food listings, finally settling on something familiar- his favorite spicy blue meat skewers. His mind was someplace else.

"Oh, you know," Tali said, giggling. Garrus looked up at her, plates lifting. " _Details_ , Garrus. I want _details_. You broke into the cabin of the most famous human in the galaxy to seduce him and damn if I don't want to hear how it went." She put her chin in her hands, head tilted towards him and bouncing in her seat. "It's been four days and you've told me _nothing_."

Garrus stared at her. "You want me to, what's that human phrase, kiss and tell?"

Tali snorted. "I doubt there was much kissing involved."

Garrus opened his mouth, dropping his voice. "Um... the first time was... nice?"

" _Just_ nice? Wait, the first time?"

*

_Garrus watched as Shepard touched him with curious, probing fingers under the spray of the shower. Sheer anticipation roused him, his length coming free of its sheath and gasping as Shepard stroked it before kneeling. Garrus' talons raked the shower walls as Shepard smiled, meeting his eyes, licking Garrus from base to tip and then swallowing his length._

*

"You did hear the part about his increased libido, right?" Garrus asked. "The second time was... very good. The third time..."

" _Third_ time?"

*

_Shepard's smirk was more evil than a cat's when he rubbed just above Garrus ass, making him trill in surprise and stop dead in his tracks. Given that they were just getting out of the Kodiak after returning to the Normandy, after investigating the MSV Strontium Mule, this was a shock._  


_Garrus' head whipped over to stare at Shepard, who then followed the touch with his blunt fingers scratching under the turian's fringe, making him feel limp and relaxed and just a little tingly._   


_"You talked to Mordin?" Garrus asked, hoarse._   


_"Didn't need to," Shepard said. "He sent the information without being asked."_

*

"You've already had sex with him three times?" Tali asked, voice rising in volume. "In four days? Garrus, _damn_."

"Keep it down!" Garrus hissed, as their food arrived: his skewers, covered in orange sauce and still sizzling on their plate, and Tali's well pureed and purified green soup in a thermal retention cup and long, bendable straw. Garrus dropped his voice. "And it was nine."

Tali, who was about to take a sip of her soup, quickly put it down.

"Garrus, do not tell me something like that when I'm eating! Do you have any idea what it's like when I spray in this helmet? When the hell did you find the time?"

*

"Garrus," _a voice called, but he couldn't hear. He was too busy trying to hold Weaver's guts inside._

"Garrus, you can wake up now," _the voice continued, and he shuddered. He couldn't leave yet. Not when he could still..._

"Wake up," _the voice murmured._ "That's an order." 

_Garrus woke with a jolt, finding himself in the captain's cabin, hands clamped onto Shepard's shoulders. Air burned in his lungs, limbs heavy, heart racing."What?"_

_"Back with me?" Too many fingers touched the uninjured side of his face._

_"I-" he swallowed, nodded, sweeping at the cobwebs of memories and nightmares. "Yeah, I'm good, I'm fine."_

_Shepard laughed without humor. "Right." That was when Garrus noticed the neat punctures on Shepard's shoulder._

_"Shit." Garrus tried to get his up, Shepard pushed him back._

_"What happened?"_

_"Nothing." Garrus saw Shepard's eyebrow tilt up. "Just old scars, aching." He rubbed his skin graft, took a deep breath, and whispered, "Does it ever stop?"_

_"No." Shepard propped himself beside Garrus, head on his fist. He kept one hand on Garrus'._

_"Well, that's helpful. Run out of platitudes?"_

_"Okay then." Shepard couldn't quite smile. "You're not alone."_

_Garrus exhaled, and they reached for each other._

__*_ _

__"No, really, when do you find time?" Tali asked, taking a careful sip of her soup and swallowing. "Shepard is still going around and checking on the crew, leading missions and recruiting. Add in every available female on Illium flirting with him-"_ _

__"Don't remind me," Garrus growled, taking a large bite off his skewer, chewing hard. "Liara," he mumbled, mouth full. "I can understand letting her cop a feel. But he let Parasini kiss him, and don't tell me Shiala wasn't trying to get all 'embrace eternity' on him." He tried not to spit food as he spoke._ _

__This time Tali did choke, but she didn't spew, just coughed for a solid minute and pounding the table. "Oh, _Keelah_ , I never thought you would be the jealous type." Her choking was mixed with laughter. "You are so cute like this!"_ _

__"I am not!" Garrus took another bite. "Jealous, I mean. It's not like we're doing anything more than blowing off steam. He's someone I respect, who needs help with a medical condition-"_ _

__"Keep telling yourself that, Garrus," Tali said. She took another sip of her soup. "You might even start to believe it. You've got it _bad_."_ _

__"I am _not_ jealous," Garrus muttered. "It's not like I care that he's still in love with Alenko."_ _

__"And, I quote," Tali lifted her fingers for air-quotes. " _'It's... Alenko.'_ You don't have problems sharing the Commander with Kaidan, but you don't want any anyone else touching your human."_ _

__Garrus snorted, grabbing his liquor glass and taking a swig. "You make it sound like we're going to get married." He took another drink. "We're just scratching an itch. We've not even talked about whatever this beyond trying to keep it discrete for the sake of the crew."_ _

__"You call _nine times_ in _four days_ being-"_ _

__Both Tali and Garrus were so caught up in their conversation that they missed Shepard's entrance, and he didn't see (or hear) them sitting at their booth in the far corner. This explained why Shepard headed straight to the bar kiosk to check out the drink selection._ _

__They did, however, hear the moment the Eclipse merc tried to proposition him._ _

__"Hey, I remember you," the tall, lanky merc in scuffed yellow armor said. "You're the guy that stormed the Dantius Towers."_ _

__Both Garrus and Tali, who had been part of that attack, turned, seeing Shepard beside the bar, hand frozen mid-point. "I might have had something to do with that, yes." Shepard turned back to the kiosk._ _

__"You didn't kill me," the merc said. At some point, he had removed his helmet. His features were even, snub-nosed, with a cautious smile. "Actually asked me if Nassana was worth dying for, and let me walk off instead of putting a bullet in my skull. Name's Carver. Let me buy you a drink?"_ _

__Garrus got to his feet._ _

__Shepard looked at him. "Oh, that was you?" He looked at the merc, Carver, leaning away and turning back to the kiosk. "No thanks." The archon visor Shepard wore meant watching his eyes were impossible, but his lips tightened._ _

__"I can't show some gratitude to the guy who decided to _not_ throw me out a window?" The merc leaned in, smiling a little wider. "Just a drink, come on."_ _

__"I'm seeing someone," Shepard answered, flatly. "Let me get a drink in peace."_ _

__Carver put his hand on the small of Shepard's back. "Then where are they? Handsome guy like you shouldn't be drowning his sorrows alone."_ _

__Garrus had crossed the floor before Tali could stop him._ _

__Shepard sighed, not turning around. "I'm cramping, thirsty, and more than a little bitchy right now. Get your fucking hand off me before I shoot you."_ _

__"Sounds like you need to relax a little-"_ _

__Shepard twisted, grabbed the merc's shoulders and slammed their heads together. Carver was knocked on his ass, clutching his face. "Argh- son of a-"_ _

__"Second time today," Shepard muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. "Damn pheromones." His face was flushed, but Garrus didn't see any distress that he could recognize."Still, better than last time."_ _

__Garrus chuckled, relieved that Shepard was able to shrug off the merc's interest as he walked up behind Shepard and put his arms and lands low on Shepard's waist, pulling the human to his chest._ _

__"Garrus?" Shepard yelped, back going stiff._ _

__"Been waiting on you," Garrus said, deciding some bullshit was in order. The merc was still watching them. "Sweetheart."_ _

__Shepard relaxed and leaned back against him, hands over Garrus', and Garrus nuzzled his hair. "I thought I beat you here... muffin. Didn't see you."_ _

__Garrus heard Tali cackle as the merc got to his feet, swearing._ _

__"Huh. Don't be doing that to too many krogan, they might think you're flirting." Matriach Aethyta had a smirk on her face. "Glad you didn't draw your weapon, babe. Blood stains are hard to get out." She waved the merc over. "Come on, sweetie. I'll give you a drink on the house, and give you some tips on picking up people that don't have you come off as a total perv. Or at least how to perv with some style." She shrugged at Garrus and Shepard. " Sorry. Enjoy the rest of your date."_ _

__That left the two of them standing together, Garrus arms around Shepard and he had trouble wanting to let go. Shepard smelled like his soap, hot gun metal and after four days of sex, like Garrus himself. Garrus approved. Very much so. Despite armor, weapons, and the obvious ability to take care of himself, Garrus was happy to have him safe and _there_._ _

__"Let me finish my order and we can take a seat, love," Shepard said, quietly, and Garrus nodded, forcing his hands off Shepard. He reckoned he had made his point anyway._ _

__Tali, still seated in the corner, was howling like a pyjack._ _

____

~*~*~*~*~

_Derek smiled; it had been a long time since he had heard children laughing._

_He sat with his back against a paper bark tree, watching as four children played out in the well lit square of the dusty yard. Two of them were chasing a pissed off Maine Coon monster with only one eye. The other two, just older than babies, one with red hair and the other with black, sat and played in the dirt with cups and spoons. The day was warm, smelled like cow and wildflowers, and small scaled not-sparrows trilled in the distance._

_"Been awhile," a voice said in his ear, and Derek saw an orange head out of the corner of his eye. He felt a warm body leaning against his side, head on his shoulder. Absently he adjusted the bundle in his arms so he could put an arm around her. "Big badass marine. Long time no see."_

_"I know." Derek sighed, listening to happy squeals (and one very unhappy yowl) from across the sunny yard. "I don't get home near often enough. I've missed you."_

_"Uh-huh. You know you like being a hero."_

_"Maybe a little." There was a soft squirming from the bundle against his chest, and Derek bounced it carefully. "Someone has to be."_

_He heard a raspberry blow in his ear._

_"Stealing my shtick, brother-mine." Jane leaned out, catching Derek's eye. She looked just as he remembered her: young, muscular, callused hands, wide green eyes and an mischievous grin under a bobbed carrot-top. "That was what I wanted to do."_

_"I know," Derek repeated, feeling guilty. "How've you been?"_

_"Same old, same old. Mike and Jimmy are the same. Aaron's enjoyed having a new playmate."_

_Derek squinted. The sun was bright, and he could make out the faces of his brothers as they darted out of the barn yard and into the fields. He felt a stretch and a yawn from the swaddled bundle in his arms, but he didn't glance down. Aaron's bright head stood out from the black one sitting beside him in shadow, back to him. Derek tried to tear his eyes away. It didn't work._

_"Does he?"_

_"Yup." She sighed, curling up against him. "So, hear you're seeing two guys?" She chuckled, warm and evil. "Mind if I borrow one?"_

"Jane!"

_"Not fair. I was never even kissed-"_

_"You liar." The smaller baby flung a plume of dirt into the air._

_"Practicing on you doesn't count," Jane returned, poking him in the arm hard enough to bruise. "Good thing you've got the extra hole and like using it."_

_Derek went both hot and cold at the same time. "Jane, stop it." He was coming to terms with his new body, but his own willingness and pleasure at using his new parts had been a shock. It had felt_ good. 

_"I always wanted a sister."_

_"Jane." He brought out the big brother voice, the one that had transformed into his command voice. "You're being a brat. Besides, you never were a girl to begin with."_

_She stuck out her tongue._

_The two toddlers crawled towards each other, squealing, babbling in baby talk. Derek still couldn't see the black-haired one's face. A cloud passed over the sun._

_"I'm jealous," Jane offered, after several moments. "It's not fair. I wanted to be out there, kicking ass." She sighed. "Instead..."_

_"I'm sorry." Derek closed his eyes, and didn't dare open them as the warm sun and happy sounds faded to be replaced by a knife-cold wind and screams. He knew what he would see._

_The body under his arm disappeared. The bundle against his chest went still._

_"Don't worry," Jane whispered, even if she was no longer there. "I'll take care of them; all of them. Promise."_

_Derek choked back a sob, clutching the empty wad of bloody rags to his chest; then let go._

~*~*~*~*~

"Do the Collectors know of your great weakness?" Samara asked, a faint smile on her face.

Derek, who had been sitting beside her, legs crossed, blinked. "My what?"

"That if a suitably aged person offers to tell you the tale of her life, you will stop and listen?" Samara murmured, a note of humor lurking in her voice. "I imagine that should the one called Harbinger pause, and tell you its history, you would sit at its feet with the same look of rapt attention you are giving me now. I cannot imagine it is simply my beauty that attracts you, if the rumors I have heard of you are true." Her lips did not -quite- come to a smile.

Shepard chuckled. "You've found me out, Samara." He smiled back at her, and slathered on the charm. "I fear that if the Reapers should find out, all they have to do is broadcast 'once upon a time' and I'll be indoctrinated." Her lips inched higher, before she looked away.

"I know what you are trying to do, and it is unnecessary." She looked out into the star-filled blackness. "I am at peace with Morinth's death. You do not need concern yourself with me."

"You're a member of my crew, Samara. And you killed your own child." He sat back, holding his own belly without thought. Then he hissed; his cramps were still coming and going, and this one felt like buck shot. "I don't think I could forgive myself if I left you to your pain alone." He laughed, soundlessly. "And yes, I have a weakness for a good story."

"I thank you for making time for me. You work hard to take care of your people." She tilted her head to the side. "And I am glad to pass on my experiences to someone else. My daughters will never have daughters of their own. I will never have more." She bowed her head, face smooth yet her voice held a note of deep sorrow. "Knowing that someone else will remember my tales is... comforting." 

"I'm glad to hear I'm not pestering you," Shepard answered. Then he frowned. "Wait, what have you heard about me? And I thought you didn't listen to rumors?"

"This is not a large ship. Gossip is hard to avoid, and there is little else for the crew to do when they are not on duty." Her smile turned a bit teasing. "What I have heard is largely flattering. You care for your crew, asking questions and always willing to offer a listening ear. You take the time to earn their loyalty. Your romantic interest is also primarily towards males," she looked confused at that. "And have been attempting to keep your relationship with the turian, Vakarian, under wraps."

Shepard palmed his face.

"So much for being careful," he said, then grunted at another twist in his guts. "And what's your opinion on that?" he asked, curious. 

"I do not know how wise it is for you to take a lover from your crew." Samara made an elegant shrug. "But we are also under a lot of stress, and it is not unusual for turians to take lovers from within the ranks. Both of you are well respected. Unless you were to show obvious favoritism towards him, I believe you will be all right."

"That's... a relief."

"So the rumors are true?" she asked.

"It's complicated." Shepard frowned. "Very complicated. And I intend to treat him as I used to, like a good and trusted comrade, especially out in the field."

"Does he know how much you love him?"

Shepard blinked, then choked down another wince.

"I've been in love myself, Commander. Many times. I saw my eldest daughter feel the first stirrings of affection and lust, before we discovered her condition. I can recognize the emotion in others." There were faint lines creasing the corners of her eyes. "It can be hard to lead when your heart is pulling you to protect."

Shepard looked away. He remembered telling himself, over and over again, that the reason he had saved Kaidan back on Virmire had been because he was assigned to Kirrahe's squad. Save more people, he had thought. Ashley was a one-woman army. She could hold the geth back. She would understand.

"I know," he murmured, wishing for another cramp. He deserved some pain. "I know."

~*~*~*~*~

"So, you and the cuttlebone?" Jacob asked, leaning back against the gun mini-facturing plant and crossing his arms, eyebrow raised. Every line of his body was tense, unhappy. He looked like a man who had... expectations, that had not been met. That, or the voice of a jealous ex.

Shepard's eyebrows both shot up, about to hit his hairline as he sat against the table across from Jacob. He had to bite his tongue to keep from snapping back, taking a deep breath as his pulse rang in his ears. He frowned back at Jacob, gripping the table to keep from crossing his arms or punching Jacob in the face.

Shepard had known there would be fallout. No matter how big the Normandy was, gossip always traveled faster than light, and while Samara had taken it well, he should have known not everyone would. He and Garrus had attempted to keep the sexual part of their relationship discrete but it wasn't hard to put together when they were disappearing into the captain's cabin after a mission and Garrus not emerging for several hours, if not an entire sleep cycle. 

Derek blamed himself for that part. He hadn't expected Garrus to be so enthusiastic when it came to indulging his lusts. He had been weak enough to take advantage of it, keeping him there for second, sometimes third rounds after their initial adrenaline-fueled rutting had finished. Not that Garrus had complained. Having a trusted partner, someone he felt safe with, had made this heat downright _pleasant_ compared to the tension of the first.

"Is that a good idea?" Jacob asked, after the silence wore on him. "He's..."

"Someone I trust with my life," Shepard cut him off. "And the lives of the people on this ship."

"I was going to say that he is _not_ Kaidan Alenko." Jacob's frown was fierce. "Does he know you're cheating on him with an alien?" 

Shepard blinked at him, before narrowing his eyes. "One: what the hell does Garrus being an alien have to do with anything?" Now Shepard did clench his fists, walking up to Jacob and glaring him in the eye. "And two: Why yes, he does." 

Jacob's jaw dropped.

"I was rather surprised that they decided, _on their own_ , to 'help' me, but I'm not sorry that they did." Shepard leaned back. "Kaidan was needed back in the Alliance; someone has to keep fighting the good fight there. But it's impossible for me to remain celibate while I'm ovulating." He crossed his arms. "I trust Garrus more than I trust any of the humans on this ship, and I've never made a secret of that."

Jacob's mouth opened again, before he shut it and nodded.

"You're a good man, Mr. Taylor." Derek thumbed his eyes. "And an attractive one." He quirked the corner of his mouth. "But I trust you in a fight, just not in my bed. And, come on, you're just interested in my pheromones."

"I'm entitled to a little hero-worship on occasion," Jacob answered, back straight, tone stiff. "You don't give yourself enough credit." Then he shook his head. "Damn. They _agreed_ to... I didn't realize you had _that_ kind of relationship."

" _What_ kind of relationship?"

"Uh," Jacob looked at Derek's red ears, clenched teeth, and verbally backed off. "A... um... Nevermind, Commander. It's none of my business."

"Good." Shepard exhaled, unclenching fists and noticing that he'd cut his hands. "I'm glad we understand each other."

To be continued.  
Comments, questions and critiques welcomed and encouraged.


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Distance

  
**Breeder**

Chapter Thirteen

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.

Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it. 

Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed. 

Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.

~*~*~*~*~

_Garrus-_  
 _Well... yeah. I'm not thrilled with the idea._  
 _But yeah. Take care of him. For all of us._  
 _-Alenko_

*

_You sure about this? I could take him out to Omega, buy him a few dances. I don't want to ruin anything._  
 _-GV_

*

_No. He's not into asari._   
_Like I said, I'm not happy about it. But I'd rather it was you instead of Zaeed._   
_-KA_

*

_What does he like? I'd never considered cross-species intercourse before. I talked to the Prof and made it sound all dirty and clinical. I felt like a perv just asking._   
_-Garrus_

*

Kaidan stared at the email. 

He was sitting at his desk in the human embassy, holding a cup of cold coffee that was so old it had a ring stained on the inside, and pondered an answer. 

He had understood why Shepard had wanted him off the Normandy. They had the evidence from the Collector ship that, if nothing else, the Collectors were going to target Earth. Even if they still refused to believe in the Reapers, having an enemy other than the geth meant that Anderson could start pushing for a troop and ship build up as much as he could. 

Shepard had also sent the specs for the upgrades that the SR-2 had gotten. While they were expensive, it meant that the Alliance could start upgrading their capital vessels as soon as possible. 

All of it was good, all of it was important. It didn't ease the sting of rejection, or the fear that Shepard had gotten Kaidan off the Normandy because he was afraid of getting pregnant again. 

That thought made Kaidan's gut squirm in confusion and arousal. He tried to tell himself it was just the pheromones; the man had been engineered to be alluring to both sexes so that he could help repopulate a depleted population. The idea of Shepard carrying his offspring was _meant_ to be attractive.

Which, ironically, meant he wasn't as bothered by the idea of Garrus sleeping with a Shepard as he might have been. Plus, well, _Garrus_. Shepard trusted Garrus. Kaidan did, too. 

Rubbing his eyes, he pondered how to reply. 

*

_He's a romantic. Surprise him. Some wine, some music. As for technique? Uh..._

*

Kaidan paused as he typed. He was telling his old squad mate how to seduce his lover. And why was he getting stiff just imagining it? 

*

_Touching. Lots of touching. Start off slow, don't rush things. He likes having his neck licked. His nipples- you know what those are?- likes having those touched, too. He also likes fingers, in his ass and his pussy..._

*

 

By the end, Kaidan had his legs spread under the too narrow desk, rubbing his erection through his fatigue pants and glancing at the clock in something close to despair. 

He had two hours before he got off duty. He shared the office space, and the restroom stalls didn't have doors. So here he was, stuck with an erection and the inability to do anything about it besides bring up reports of troop movements.

Life sucked.

*

Two days later, he got an answer. 

_Thanks. Worked well._   
_He's really flexible. And, um, enthusiastic. You could have warned me about that. I'm wondering if I should start hitting the stims._   
_-G_

*

_Garrus,_

_He's always been like that. Sounds like the heat increased his appetite, though. Lucky bastard._

_-KA_

*

_Kaidan,_  
 _When the hell did you become my pimp? I mean, damn, I'm glad you seem okay with this but TALK to me about these things. Just- this is all kinda weird._  
 _-Shepard_

*

_Did he hurt you?_  
 _-Kaidan_

*

_NO. He was really sweet. Just- really, you're okay with this? I was going to tough it out this time. New implant. Shouldn't have been as bad._  
 _-S_

*

_Do I like the idea of someone else touching you? Not really. But you said it yourself: you went back to Zaeed even after what he did._

Kaidan stopped typing. The idea of the old, greasy mercenary touching Derek again made him see red, felt a corona flare around his hands before he took a deep breath. He felt the beginnings of a migraine behind his eyes. 

_Garrus is... hell, we watched each other's backs often enough. This just feels like him helping a friend, y'know? I'm okay with that._

_-Kaidan_

*

_He told me he felt left out._   
_He's been good to me, Kaidan. I care about him. Always did._   
_I miss you too._   
_We survive going through the Omega Four relay, what do you want to do about it?_   
_-Derek_

*

Kaidan didn't know how to answer that one.

*

_Hey, Kaidan,_  
 _Been a few weeks. Shepard started bleeding. Scared the shit out of me. Thought I'd hurt him._  
 _We blew up an old Cerberus base for Jack. That went well. Helped Lawson with her sister. Got two new specialists on board. An asari Justicar named Samara, and some assassin named Thane. He can't outshoot me, but he's good. The rest has been about average. Blowing shit up. Shooting things. Saving souls. It's Shepard._

_-G_

*

_Alenko, are you getting your mail?_

_Been busy. Tali was accused of treason by the Migrant Fleet. Picked up a geth crewmember. Shepard got her acquitted. The geth is not that bad. Another sniper. Still can't do anything near as stylishly as me, of course. We wound up blowing a lot of other geth to hell. That was fun._

_-G_

*

_I know you're getting you damn emails, bastard. I hacked your account. You've been logging in every day. Answer, dammit, Shep's moping. You realize he starts his next heat in a week?_

*

After checking his email for spy-bots, Kaidan's fingers tapped the interface. It had been over a month since Derek's message, and he had finally gotten together a bottle of whiskey and some courage. It was time to reply, cc'ing both Garrus and Derek at the same time.

_I'm sorry I hadn't answered. Derek's email mentioned Garrus feeling left out of our relationship, and that Derek cared for him. I wasn't prepared for that. I'm not sure what I was thinking when Garrus offered to help, but I don't think I expected it to result in something more than friends-with-benefits.  
I know I should have. You and me, Derek, we barely got the time to start something again and-_

Kaidan took a shot, slamming the glass back on his desk with a thud.

_-and if you want Garrus over me-_

He erased that line, then took another shot.

_-if you are really that desperate for-_

Now that was just stupid. And cruel. He erased the line before he finished it. He was hurt, but acting like an immature teenager wouldn't help. 

_-I want you to be happy._

He paused, pouring himself third shot. Or maybe a fourth. Fifth? Kaidan glared at his glass. He damn well knew that Shepard wouldn't intentionally break his heart, the guy was too honorable for that. And Kaidan had given his permission, knowing damn well that you can't sleep with someone without there being a little emotional baggage. Garrus had agreed too readily. Always been there with them. It would have felt wrong if he wasn't there.

He couldn't get angry at Garrus, either. He damn well knew that Shepard was easy to fall for. He also damn well knew that... that... 

There was an email notification. From Shepard. From the timestamp, it was a few hours old. He'd been staring at his screen for so long he'd lost all track of time.

He read and re-read the name of the sender over and over again, afraid to open it. Schrodiger's cat, you know? He could pretend Shepard wasn't going to hang him out to dry if he didn't open it. Maybe even pretend that somehow things would work out for the best. 

With another shot, he opened the email.

_Kaidan,_

_The Collectors took the crew. They set a trap using the Reaper IFF, disabled the ship when I left. EDI and Joker managed to clear the ship, but everyone was gone._

_We're ready. We're going after them in a few hours. But if things turn out badly, I want you to know that I still love you. Not having you here hurts like a sucking chest wound. Whatever happens, I don't want you to think I ever stopped._

_I just feel the same way about Garrus._

_Forgive me,_  
 _Derek_

~*~*~*~*~

"Why isn't this easy?" Jack snarled, whipping her head around to glare at Shepard, who had perched beside her on her cot down in on the lower engineering deck. " _Why can't you be easy?_ "

"I guess that would depend on who you ask, Jack," Shepard answered, his mouth quirked up. "Or the time of month. But I'll be honest: no, I don't want to have sex with you, and I don't think you really want that anyways."

"You don't know what I want," she said, turning away from him again, hiding her face in shadow.

"You throw sex out there as a way to keep people from getting close to you, because you think that's what everyone wants from you," Shepard answered. "Because you can't believe I'd like you as a friend, or that I might admire you for being a tough bitch who could do what I couldn't." He put a hesitant hand on her shoulder. "Because when you've lost everything, it's hard to risk caring about someone else."

"You're just so fucking sure you know all the answers." She bowed her head, drumming her heels, her voice turning rough. Her hands twitched as she shifted her weight to her feet.

Without warning, her corona flared to life, throwing herself at Shepard and forcing him on to his back, weight on his legs and holding his wrists. "What if I do want to fuck? What if I _do_ want you, and just take what I want?"

Her biotics were far stronger than his, maintaining a bruising grip on his wrists and ankles as he flailed against them. But pinned as he was, there was nothing he could do, could not call up his own biotics in answer. Her slender arm was a bar against his throat, keeping him from calling for help. Yet her eyes were wet as she tore open his fly, reaching underneath to grope his flaccid penis, his lack of balls-

"What the _fuck?_ " she breathed, her fingers finding his labia and pulling back like they had been burned. "Shepard?" her voice broke, brown eyes wide with shock as she grabbed his waistband and pulled it down to his knees. "What the hell are you?"

Derek, who had fallen back and stayed limp, fighting rage, panic and dread ( _she's lashing out, she's angry, don't let her kill me but don't act like I hate her_ ) to keep from doing something they would both regret later. ( _I don't know why yet, but she_ wants _me to hate her_.)

"I'm like you, Jack," he rasped, but tried to stay slow and calm, like he was speaking to a wounded animal. "Some poor bastard that some scientists fucked with. My parents let me be used as an experiment. So was my sister." He felt her biotic grip on him weaken as she backed away, eyes wide. He got up to his elbows, making sure to stay even and gentle. "Then my colony was wiped out by pirates. They killed my mom first," he murmured. That box of memories was well worn around the edges, the hinges opening with a rusty squeak. "I didn't see what they did to my dad." He sat up. "My little sister, she grabbed a pistol- she was always the better shot- while I got my little brothers. She covered us while we ran. We," Derek tried to close the box again. He didn't want to see the rest of it. "We ran. Just not fast enough. You know how batarians operate."

"Fuck," Jack whispered, pulling on herself. She looked away. "Just-"

"I died in the first Collector attack. You've seen what Cerberus has done to me, resurrecting me to be the Illusive Man's cat's paw." He didn't give her time to regroup. "This body isn't even mine anymore."

Shepard pulled his pants back up, hands trembling. "Jack, I have no fucking idea why you just did that, other than to prove I don't understand you. Or do you want me to hate you? Guess what? I don't." He sat up. "I don't want you to molest me again but damn, no, I don't hate you." He leaned back against the bulkhead. "You wouldn't even be the first."

"You- shit- what?" She stared at him. "Fight back. Hit me. Do _something_ \- just don't sit there!" Jack got up, pacing back and forth, fists swinging. "Don't just _sit there_ and take it."

"What happened, Jack? Why do you want me to hate you?"

"I- dammit-" her voice rose, broke, as she slugged him across the face. Shepard caught her in a hug, and she gave a half-hearted struggle. "Don't."

Shepard let her go, before blotting blood off his split lip and sitting back down on the cot. He was _mostly_ sure she wouldn't try to kill him. Mostly.

Jack didn't look at Shepard, pacing back and forth, fists balled as she punched the air and started to ramble, raving about someone named Murtock. Someone who had loved her, gotten killed...

She started crying later, her makeup running down her face in inky ribbons, sitting down beside him and leaning into his shoulder. He put an arm around her, then another, pulling her into his lap and letting her cry herself out. His hands were still shaking.

"Damn you, Shepard," she muttered, with a hiccuping sob. "Why the hell are you such a pussy? Why are you turning _me_ into one, too?"

"Other than having one?" He stroked her leathered-clad back. "Maternal instincts, I guess." He snorted. "And your reputation for being an all-powerful bitch is safe. I won't tell."

"Why the _fuck_ wouldn't you just fuck me? I don't mind some kinky shit." She had put her head in his shoulder, and Derek realized he was rocking her. He sighed. _Maternal instincts_ , indeed. 

"Because that would prove I'm out to use you, then discard you." He kept his hands above her waist, nothing that wasn't platonic. "And I like you too much for that."

"You're crazy," she whispered, gruff and sleepy. "And you're not my mom."

"Huh. I wouldn't put up with your mouth if I was." Shepard felt her get heavier in his arms as she relaxed, sleep taking her. "I won't sing any lullabies, I promise."

Jack didn't answer, curling up tighter, before falling asleep.

~*~*~*~*~

Shepard had maneuvered Jack into her cot, and was pulling a blanket up to shoulders when Garrus found him.

"Commander-"

Derek turned to him, pressing a finger to his lips for quiet, and Garrus' eyebrow ridges rose before he nodded, lowering his voice. 

"Shepard, I was looking for you," Garrus said, when Derek walked up to him, and they both walked up the stairs. "I take it you had a... lively... discussion with Jack?" He traced a talon over the clotted blood on Derek's split lip. 

"Something like that," he answered, rubbing his throat, still hoarse. Then he noticed the turian's nostril slits flair, sniffing him. Derek grunted. "No, she didn't seduce me. Tried to," he said, repressing a shudder. "But I turned her down. She, ah, didn't take it well." 

"By 'not well' you mean she assaulted you?" Garrus asked, drily. His gaze roved Shepard's body, checking for injuries. 

Shepard crossed his arms, hoping it hid the aftershocks of his shakes in his hands and glad the long sleeves of his dress uniform hid the ligature marks on his wrists. "It's Jack. A shotgun in the face is her way of saying 'hello'. " He sighed. "She wound up confessing some survivor's guilt. We talked, she fell asleep, I tucked her in." They had gotten to the elevator, voices unnaturally loud in the stillness of the crewless ship. "She expects people to want things out of her, so she gives it to them so they don't try to get close. Sex, her biotics. I guess I do want something out of her, but I..."

"Want to see her happy, like you do for the rest of this insane asylum you call a team," Garrus answered, though he didn't have the edge of humor he usually did. Tiredness set across his shoulders, while he looked somewhere towards Derek's left shoulder. "But, you can't, Shepard. You can't fix everything for everyone."

Derek blinked, taking one of Garrus' hands. "What's wrong?"

Garrus didn't answer, just put his head against Shepard's, his free hand on Derek's hip. Garrus closed his eyes, exhaling. "Nothing you can change." He pressed close, mouth against Derek's hair. "We've still got two hours before we hit the relay." He stroked up Shepard's side, then down again, nodding towards the elevator. "Want to head up to your quarters?"

Derek hesitated, holding still, before putting his hands on Garrus' waist, taking a deep breath. "...Sure."

Garrus pulled back, eyes narrowing. "Are _you_ okay? I hate to quote Zaeed, but you've dragged me upstairs to your cabin so many times now-"

"I'm fine," Derek answered, then huffed a small laugh. He put both of Garrus' hands back on his waist. "I know you just want me for my body." 

Garrus jerked back, mandible flaring. He straightened. "Shepard...I, I just... I've seen so many things go wrong. My work at C-Sec, what happened with Sidonis. I want something to go right, just once. Whatever this is between us," he brushed a talon against Shepard's face. "It's not just about sex, even if it started out that way. Before we throw ourselves into hell, I want you to know that. If you're... you're not on the same page, if you don't feel the same way-"

Shepard kissed him. 

The parts really didn't fit together, and Derek, not the tallest human, had to lift up on his toes to achieve the soft brush of firm, warm skin against the rougher plate and scars of Garrus' face. It did have the desired effect, though, cutting off the stream of words as Derek gently stroked over the bandages. 

"If someone had told me, right before the original Normandy was destroyed, that we would come to this, I would have told them they were crazy." He settled back on his heels. "You acted like this damn hotshot cowboy who needed to remember why you did your job." Derek chuckled, leaning against him, looping his arms behind Garrus' head, reaching up to brush under his fringe. Garrus responded with a startled croon. "And then suddenly you've matured." He paused when Garrus squeezed his ass, drawing a line up the cleft. He shivered. "Stepped onto equal footing." He licked the edge Garrus' mandible, focusing on the body in front of him and slapping shut the lid on the past hour. He half-smiled. "You became someone I could rely on as a partner- and _then_ sex got mixed into it." 

"I care about you, Garrus Vakarian," Derek finished, both rueful and guessing it was something Garrus needed to hear. "That's always been true. And the sex hasn't been bad either."

Garrus purred as Derek relaxed against him. "Good. Because now that we've established this is something more than just the chance to blow off steam," he said, nipping Shepard's ear and guiding him to the elevator. He reached underneath Shepard's tunic and to the waistband of his pants, tracing the soft, smooth skin there. "I'm going to take you up to the forward batteries, bend you over the console and make you beg for my big gun. Understood?"

Shepard's laugh turned into a moan as Garrus' talons scraped over the dense muscles of his backside, teasing his asshole.

"You don't have to sweet talk me, Garrus," he replied, as the elevator closed on them. "I'm easy."

To be continued.  
Comments, questions and critique welcome and encouraged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest. Day. Ever. Still got to do my Nano count for the day.


	14. Chapter Fourteen: Heat

  
** Breeder **

Chapter Fourteen

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.

Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it. 

Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed. 

Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.

~*~*~*~*~

The Dark Star throbbed as shiny pop music poured through the walls and floor, spurring dancers to the floor and Shepard to wish for earplugs.

"I'm buying," he had announced when he and his crew arrived, setting up a tab at the kiosk. His crew and team quickly got in line to order whatever was compatible with their personal tastes and biochemical makeup. Predictably Grunt got ryncol, Tali got triple filtered turian brandy, Samara was holding a glass of _elasi_ , and Thane was sipping something pink and fizzy. Mordin fiddled with his omni-tool, nibbling some kind of fried insects the size and color of black-eyed peas. Legion was there; they had ordered a drink and seemed content to just carry it around. Jacob had a glass of batarian ale before hitting the dance floor with the majority of the Normandy's human crew. Kelly, in particular, was cutting loose and showing that she had some damn fine moves. 

Jack and Zaeed sat in a corner booth with a long line of tequila shots across their table. Derek shook his head as he watched, twisting his Jack and coke ( _hideously_ expensive but so worth it) in his hands. Tonight's festivities shouldn't wipe his accounts... hopefully. 

No, he thought, shifting on his bar stool. He was more worried about embarrassing himself. Derek was already tugging at the collar of his civvies, sweat breaking out on his face, between his shoulders and under his arms. His sense of smell heightened during a heat, and the bar smelled of alcohol, aliens, and the pheromones of a dozen humans out to hook up. Miranda, he reckoned, had the right idea. Stay on board and do paperwork for the repairs. That would have avoided the grabby hands, being uncomfortably wet and trying to hide the bulge. But, no, he had to be there. Both to let his crew know he was proud of them, and...

Shepard checked his omni-tool. No messages. 

Garrus took a long gulp of his preferred lavender spirits. "No word from Alenko?" he asked, close to Shepard's ear. The soft puff of air, along with Garrus' usual rumble, sent a pleasant shiver down his back. 

"No," he answered, fighting to keep the disappointment out of his voice. He had sent the invitation to Kaidan as soon as they had docked, and after he had tried to contact Anderson. To his surprise he had been told it would take another day to get in to visit Anderson and give his report. Shepard supposed it made sense, the man was the human Councilor, and fitting in a full report was...

Shepard stifled a groan by gulping his drink. He had never trusted Cerberus and their illusion of freedom, but damn if he still didn't hate red tape. He had just pulled off the biggest impossible mission of his career, second only to coming back from the dead, and he was still waiting to give his report. It made him want to drink.

He looked up, and over at his crew. They were all there. Alive. He could try to celebrate that in the meantime. Anderson probably had his own headaches to take care of. 

"Want to hit the dance floor?" Garrus asked, noticing when Shepard put his glass down for a refill from the bemused bartender. "We can go hunt Alenko down tomorrow if he doesn't show up tonight."  
Derek attempted to smile at him. "You need to get me a lot more intoxicated if you want to see me dance, Garrus. I dance worse than a _sober_ elcor. At least a drunk one would be able to move with the music."

"Come on, it can't be that bad," Garrus protested, as Shepard took another gulp, finishing his second glass. The bartender lifted his face plates as he filled Shepard's glass for a third round, this time with much more Jack than coke.

"Oh, it can be," Kasumi said, cutting in, sipping her blue and purple layered cocktail with its bright pink flower garnish. "I saw him at Hock's party. Surprised the hell out of me when Hock asked him to dance. But it got him talking, so I wasn't going to complain. And how he got the DNA sample-"

" _Kasumi!_ "

"Well, it was funny! I haven't laughed so hard in my life!" The master thief replied with a pout.

"Go drink your booze, Kasumi," Derek snapped, feeling his ears turn red. Garrus was chuckling, plates lifted in a pleased expression before giving Shepard a gentle tug. Shepard quirked an eyebrow.

"Come on, just one dance. A slow one. I want the chance to put my hands all over you in public," Garrus coaxed, the faint feel of his mouth moving against Derek's neck doing wicked things to his groin. "Come on, if Legion can dance," he said, nodding to the sight of the geth platform (still holding their glass) on the floor. "So can you."

Shepard glanced back down at his omni-tool. "I'm not sure-"

"Maybe he's the type who dances better in a group?" a voice asked from the right of them, and Shepard looked up. His face lit when he saw Kaidan, dressed in Alliance fatigues, looking tired and sober but he was there. "Or maybe he's just not ready to prove that humans really _are_ descended from monkeys?"

"You made it," Shepard whispered, just a little breathless. His skin prickled as sweat popped out all over his skin, wetness sliding down the inside of one thigh, his dick stiffening further. His knees went weak as his nipples tightened to points. His entire face, ears included, burned fiercely as he turned from both Garrus and Kaidan to the bar, hunching over and draining his glass in one long gulp and coughing from the burn.

"Shepard?" Garrus' voice rose, and he could feel Kaidan put a hand on his shoulder in concern. He closed his eyes, panting, fighting to keep himself still. Kaidan looked good. He leaned into the other human's hand despite himself.

"I'm fine," he said, voice rasping from the alcohol. "I just..." Derek rubbed his face with his sleeve. "Miscalculated." He tried to laugh it off. Why had he invited Kaidan again? Right, because Derek had emailed him because he was a selfish bastard and not wanting to choose between the two. Selfish bastard. Selfish _bitch_ , wanting both good men and putting them through this. 

Wanting one between his legs while he sucked the other off. _Mmm_. His collar was too damn tight.

"Miscalculated?" This time it was Kaidan's turn for a question, voice rising, but he didn't remove his hand. "You?" He snorted. Then he paused, eyes shadowed. "Are we," he hesitated. "Are we going to talk?"

"Yes." It came out strangled. "We need to." Derek gestured with his chin, towards the back of the club. "We need to." Need to get out of here. Need you both to finger-fuck me while I'm here so I can get some relief. Please don't let me have said that out loud. "Talk." Sweat soaked through his expensive suit. "About things."

"What things do we need to talk about?" Garrus said, suspicious. Derek couldn't blame him as he took his refilled glass and waited on Kaidan to make his own order. He shifted his weight from foot to foot, swallowing hard to keep from drooling when Kaidan stepped in too close. He smelled _delicious_. Warm, human, musky with the first stirrings of arousal. He could feel Garrus eyes on him as they headed to the back booth, and something that should have felt like cold water made him even hotter. 

Derek moaned as Kaidan brushed past him to sit down, and he saw the other human's pupils dilate, inhaling deeply. Derek's hand drifted onto his flat, empty belly. Wished for something he couldn't force himself to put into words. Wished for it, wanting the same from Garrus. 

He wanted to tear off his jacket, but then everyone would see that his shirt was soaked and he needed to maintain _some_ illusion of control. He really would have wanted to take off his pants, instead.

"I sent Kaidan an email," Derek started, taking a deep breath. "I told him that..."

"That he cared about you," Kaidan finished. "As much as he did about me." The other human looked away. "And then he asked me what I wanted to do about it."

"Like a fucking coward," Shepard muttered. "Because- I'm sorry. I can't." Why weren't they touching him? "I _want_..."

"You gave your permission, Alenko," Garrus interrupted. He sounded angry. "I _asked_ if this was okay. Hell, you even gave me advice!" Shepard's eyes flew up to gape at both men. Then he whined, almost inaudible. The idea of the two of them talking about the best way to get him-

"I _know_ ," Kaidan answered. His hands curled into fists on the table. "I know I did. I just didn't count on," he looked lost. "Listen, Shepard, I don't want to lose you." He tapped his beer on the table, before taking a long swig while Derek watched his throat move. "But if you're happier with Garrus, I understand." His voice cracked. "I want you happy, and if I can't-"

"Stop," Derek whispered, trying to get his words out, to think coherently. He may has well have gripped water. "Just, stop. Please." He reached out, ran his fingers through Kaidan's hair. Then Derek tore off his jacket as the heat turned overwhelming. "I know I should," he swallowed. "Make a choice, or break up with you both."

"But you can't." Garrus was the one who interrupted this time. He was watching them both, sharp eyes noting that Derek wasn't well. "I'll leave. I promised I wouldn't get between the two of you. I never wanted you both miserable. You're a friend, Kaidan. One of the few I have left. I won't poison my friendship with both of you over-"

"Stop it," Shepard said, cutting him off. "I don't want to hurt either of you."

"What do you want, Derek?" Kaidan asked, taking Shepard's hand. Derek could feel Garrus' hands on his waist.

"What do I _want_?" he said, choking out pained laughter. "What I _want_?" He twisted his hand free of Kaidan's, before rubbing up the inside of Kaidan's thigh to drag over the bulge in the other man's pants, listening to him hiss in surprise. He leaned in, lowering his voice. "I want your dick in my mouth. I want Garrus fucking my ass. I want _your_ cock in my pussy and to feel you both cum. I _want_ -" he hugged his abdomen. "I want things I can't have." He laughed again, but it was more of a sob. "And I can't _think_ right now because I want you so bad." His voice was strangled, watching as Kaidan arched into his hands. "If the two of you don't get me out of here I'm going to start humping you, the waiters or the tables in about three minutes." He shuddered, reaching back to keep Garrus' hands on his waist. "So stop it. We have to leave _now_. I want you both, and if you aren't agreeable I'll- I'll- I'll figure out something." 

Then he let go. Unfortunately, unless he leapt over the table, he wasn't going anywhere; he was sitting between the two.

"Shit," Garrus said. "The heat?" He scooted back, wrapping his arms around Shepard to drag him out and help him stand. His jaw was slack in surprise. "But it wasn't that bad last-"

"You can't get me pregnant, Garrus." He leaned into the turian. "There wasn't a human I _wanted_ -" he stopped. He couldn't say that. Never could say that. "I didn't want any of the humans on board." His eyes found Kaidan's. "Please."

Kaidan frowned, then sighed. His face and neck were flushed. Standing, he asked, "Can you make it back to the Normandy?"

Derek didn't answer. Instead, he lurched forward, grabbing the other by the shoulders and latching his mouth to Kaidan's. 

"I'll take that as a no," Garrus filled in, watching as Kaidan's arms flailed, before curling around Shepard's shoulders. His mouth opened, drawing Derek's pink tongue into his mouth. If it hadn't been for Garrus grabbing them both they would have tumbled back onto the booth bench. "Come on." Garrus's tone was flat as he separated the two humans. "I know a place nearby."

~*~*~*~*~*~

Shepard didn't really remember much of the shuttle ride to the wherever the hell they were going. He did remember sitting in Garrus' lap, the turian's thick fingers stroking his lips under his erection through his sopping pants while Kaidan kept his mouth busy. They almost didn't leave the shuttle; Derek had reached down Kaidan's waistband when they arrived.

He was half-carried to the entrance of an understated hotel (the title was _blue_ -something), barely remembered Garrus checking them in (probably on Derek's account, but now was not the time to be cheap) and they stumbled to the elevator to the room. He was aware of a large, low bed, with some garish colored lamps on stands near the side. He was too focused on Garrus' tongue against the back of his neck, fingers working their way up and down the cleft of his ass while Kaidan's lips nipped and sucked on his, pinching and pulling his nipples through his thin shirt.

"There's... stuff... in the nightstands," Garrus rumbled. Shepard shuddered, nodding as they stripped off his clothes, halting a moment to take off shoes and boots from all parties. "Condoms, pills, lubricant, nerve stimulators, different types of toys. I didn't get a room with fetish gear."

Derek blinked, hands feeling awkward and clumsy as they fumbled with Kaidan's belt, and whining when Garrus moved away.

"You, um, said you wanted us both without," he gestured. "You know. Anaphylactic shock would really kill the mood." Garrus pulled out a package and handed it to Shepard, who had already gotten Kaidan's pants to his knees. 

"Real romantic, Garrus," Kaidan said, but he smiled anyways. "Glad one of us here is," he said, moaning as Derek licked up the inside of his thigh to tongue his balls. "Derek, you smell so _good_." He threaded his fingers through Shepard's hair, before gently pulling him back. "And please, Derek," he hissed. "Take the pills."

Derek, who had fallen back onto all fours, managed another nod as he grasped the package. Then he tore it open with his teeth and swallowed the contents. He sat back, looking at both men and swallowing. 

"Oh, _yes_ ," he murmured, first nuzzling Kaidan's erection, then pulling Garrus close so take a long swipe at Garrus' sheath with his tongue. It didn't take long for Garrus' cock to glide free as he watched Derek lick Kaidan's dark red member up one side then down the other, swirling his pink tongue around the tip then swallowing it to the root. With his free hand he started jerking Garrus off, moaning around Kaidan when Garrus put a hand on Kaidan's ass, making the other human jump in surprise.

He switched, palming Kaidan's balls while he first kissed the plate above Garrus' cock, looking up to the scarred turian's eyes. Both men were moaning, hissing 'fuck' and 'yes' or other terms of endearment as he stroked and sucked, reaching between their legs to pull them closer, tried to get both in his mouth at the same time.

Almost worked, too. He managed the tips, mouth and jaw stretched wide. 

"Stop," Garrus growled. "You want us both filling you up, right?" He stepped back, knees unsteady. "Me in your ass?"

Shepard nodded, wiping his mouth, when both Kaidan and Garrus helped him to his feet, pinning him between them. Kaidan helped himself to Derek's lips again, while Garrus grazed his teeth over the back of his neck at the juncture of his shoulders. Kaidan then braced himself, hauling Derek back and onto the bed with Derek straddling him. 

"You've had his ass before?" Kaidan asked, soft and a little unsure, but his eyes were hooded. Derek could feel Kaidan's hands running up and down Derek's thighs, before reaching to spread his cheeks wide. "You'll need to stretch him first."

"Noted," Garrus said, voice dropping deeper at Kaidan's assistance. He had a tube of lubricant in hand, having gotten it at the same time as the pills. Derek's fingers dug into the sheets, whining and breathing deep as Garrus' traced the pucker, relaxing as Garrus pressed his thick, rough fingers inside. He could feel his lips gap open as he spread his legs further apart. Kaidan's member rubbed against the inside of his thigh, hard and dripping. Derek swore.

"Hurry," he whispered, begged. His skin felt too small, wanted to claw himself and howl, turn and beg until they both fucked him. Garrus' slow stretch was a delicious burn but he was still half-empty and-

Kaidan's fingers, first two then three, reached down then up and into the empty space and Derek _moaned_ , writhing between them. He rocked back and forth between their hands, whispering _thank you thank you thank you_ , over and over again. Not quite what he needed but it _eased_ the itch and ache. He found Kaidan's mouth again, listening to the other human laugh in surprise at his need. 

"Spirits, Shepard, if you could only see yourself like this," Garrus said, voice husky, a moment before his cock found Derek's pussy, plunging inside past Kaidan's fingers to tease, getting slick then pulling out again. "You really love this, don't you?" Garrus ran his tongue up the line of Derek's spine before drawing his hips back to meet Garrus' erection and easing inside the tight hole. 

" _Yes_." Derek's jaw was open, eyelids fluttering as Garrus pulled him back and into his lap, head lolling against Garrus' shoulder. He panted, wiggling a bit as Garrus rolled his hips against Derek's. Kaidan, laying flat on the bed, got to his knees, leaning down to lick and suck at Derek's nipples, fingers still pumping in and out of Derek's cunt. 

Shepard whined, spreading himself wider, arching against Garrus and grabbing Kaidan's hair, tugging him up. "In me," he whispered. "Now. Please."

Kaidan smiled, exhaled, kissing Shepard again as he slid into Derek's sloppy wet snatch. "Impatient, aren't you?" he teased. His eyes closed, shuddering. "Shit. I can feel you there, Garrus."

"Uh huh," the turian purred, stroking up and down Derek's sides. "Same here." Derek's fingers dug into Kaidan's arms, mewing when both started to move, feeling them pressed against each other inside him. He couldn't move, pinned. Kaidan's human, masculine scent was before him and Garrus' warm rumble of pleasure behind. He felt full, finally, the awful emptiness assuaged as his lovers moved against each other, himself helpless between them. They were slow at first, careful not to stretch or tear but they sped up, falling to the side as Garrus lifted Derek's leg so both he and Kaidan had better access. 

Derek whimpered; not enough, not yet. He clenched, the need to feel their seed inside him almost as overwhelming as the itch and emptiness. "Give it to me," he begged, writhing between the two men and reaching down to stroke his own erection. Trying to impale himself on both at the same time. 

Garrus chuckled, soft and evil, taking Derek's cock at the same time as Kaidan, the two of them working together in a rhythm to make Derek wordless and needy. 

Derek felt Garrus come first, a soft growl and rapid slap of his plated hips against Shepard's ass announcing his orgasm. Kaidan continued at a slower pace for a few more moments, but the speed of Garrus' movements pushed him over the edge, crying out as he spilled into Derek's body.

Shepard came, clamping down on both of them, sobbing because the heat _broke_ with the pleasure cresting. He felt both Kaidan and Garrus moaning with him, going limp as they fell back into the bed. He felt his heart rate slow, breathing becoming deep as Garrus, then Kaidan drew out of him. 

"Thank you." Derek kissed Kaidan's shoulder before pulling Garrus' hand up to kiss his fingers. He felt deliciously lazy, sated... at least, for the moment. He heard Garrus chuckle again, and Kaidan put his hand to Derek's face. 

Kaidan stroked his cheek. "Well, you're welcome." His gaze flicked up to Garrus, contemplative, but not unhappy. "That was... not too bad."

Sleep started to call him, and after the hyper-madness of the heat, he needed the rest. Yet he reckoned Kaidan needed reassurance. "I love you," he murmured, kissing Kaidan again. Garrus nuzzled his hair, but seemed happy to accept the squeeze of his hand in lieu of words. Relaxation stole any more words, as he put his hand over his belly. 

An image formed, almost a wish. The same one that had chased him into the bedroom and he knew he could not speak. Yet it still followed him as he drifted into dreams. 

He would deal with it when he woke again. For right now, he was content. 

To be continued.

Questions, comments and criticism appreciated.


	15. Chapter Fifteen: Crossroads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still working on my Nano. I'm a day or so behind, dangit.

  
** Breeder **

Chapter Fifteen

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.

Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it. 

Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed. 

Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.

~*~*~*~*~

Kaidan woke to the sound of soft squelches and slapping flesh. His eyes opened, mouth watering despite himself at the sight of Garrus behind Derek, fucking his ass while his large fingers delved deep into the sloppy wet folds behind Derek's erect, oozing cock.

The crooning, needy whines and whimpers coming from Derek, coupled with Garrus' deep, possessive growls went straight to his groin as Kaidan came to full wakefulness. That heady, musky-sweet smell coming off Derek had pushed back rational thought earlier; now it mixed with the sight of Derek submitting to Garrus and left him roused. 

A mischievous smile crossed his face as he eased down the bed, first catching a surprised Derek's lip to swallow his moans then further down. His tongue traced a path down Derek's neck to his groin leaving love bites in his wake, to kiss the tip of Derek's erection. Wrapping one hand around the base, Kaidan eased it down his throat, chuckling as Derek's hips thrust forward, pulling back so he didn't choke.

"Hey," Garrus grunted, slowing down his thrusts and holding Derek still. "Glad you could join us." He sounded amused. "Wouldn't be the same without you."

Derek, despite the red face and soft cries, did manage to roll his eyes before making a heartfelt groan when Kaidan swallowed his cock to the root. "Fuck me?" He was breathless, grasping Kaidan's hair as the sentinel bobbed his head. Derek licked his lips. "Just... god, I needed this."

Kaidan was already stroking himself, getting harder as Derek asked, begged for him. He moved his other hand from Shepard's cock and joined Garrus' hand to sink inside the sopping velvet channel. He shuddered, feeling Garrus' member through the soft tissue between, moving in and out. He could still feel his own cum there, mixing with Derek's slick. The thought made Kaidan groan around Derek's cock.

Derek's hips jerked again, once, three times, spending inside Kaidan's mouth. Garrus continued to pump inside the human, shuddering when Kaidan stroked him through Derek's body. He felt the turian's erection pulse, and heard Garrus purr as he came as well.

Kaidan pulled off, licking his lips and swallowing hard. Garrus withdrew from Derek, who sighed, laying on his back and putting his hands under his knees to spread himself wide and giving Kaidan a sweet, lazy smile.

"Shit," Kaidan murmured, crawling back up Derek's body to nestle between his legs, sinking into Derek's still-quivering heat. He rolled his hips against Derek, pushing his knees to shoulders. "You know how you look right now?"

"I _feel_ like the happiest slut in the world," Derek answered, licking his lips, wearing the expression of someone savoring a fine wine. "Having you here, having Garrus here," his voice was dull with relaxation, slurred almost. "The two people I trust the most?" He sighed, as Kaidan leaned down to brush their lips together. Kaidan's hips sped. "Right. God, I feel _right_."

"Glad you're enjoying this, Shepard," Garrus said, laying on his side, one head propped as he watched Kaidan on top of Derek. Kaidan shuddered at the sound of Garrus' voice, glancing over to see him stroking his spent cock. "Because this is pure misery for us," Garrus murmured, a smile in his voice. "Having someone who wants us both so bad he's begging."

"Ass," Derek said. Kaidan smirked, changing his angle to find Derek's g-spot and listening to him gasp. Derek retaliated, grabbing Kaidan's buttocks and pressing his thumb against his pucker-

And Garrus followed his lead, fingers still slick after caressing Derek and sliding easily into Kaidan's ass, making Kaidan jump when he found the human's prostate. The surprise stimulation made him come, shooting into Derek's snatch and shuddering when Derek came again with a yelp.

Kaidan fell to the side, breathless and boneless, stroking up and down Derek's side and feeling pleased with himself. 

Commander Shepard looked like a well-fucked, debauched mess of scratches, reddening hickies, swollen lips, thighs splattered with jizz from two different species, eyes heavy with sleep and without a care in the world. With a smile and one last kiss he dozed off again. Kaidan looked up, caught Garrus looking at Shepard with same look of smug affection.

That, now that? Made him feel uncomfortable. 

"I," he looked around at the walls of the room in the love hotel. "Bathroom is that way?" he asked, looking at the small alcove in the corner. 

Garrus nodded, eyebrow ridges going up as Kaidan got to his feet and swayed on rubbery knees to shuffle into the narrow shower.

He was lathering up a sponge when the shower door hissed open and a still-naked Garrus sauntered inside, grabbing another sponge and a different soap, not ten centimeters between them.

"They charge for extra water," Garrus stated at Kaidan's shocked expression. "And plus, well, the whole 'how the hell are we going to deal with this' talk that seemed to be going nowhere before Shepard needed emergency sex."

Kaidan grunted. "That was kinda why I wanted to take a shower. To, you know, _think_." He glared at Garrus, before going back to lathering his skin. The smell of Derek was still thick on both of them. 

"What's there to think about?" Garrus washed himself down. "You love him, I love him, he loves the both of us."

"And that's usually the start of most Earth tragedies," Kaidan snapped. Then he sighed. "Look, Garrus, I can understand why he would fall for you. You were there when I wasn't. You're a good friend, a good teammate. I-"

"So were you. So _are_ you. You left Normandy because Shepard asked you to. I don't know how often you have to be told this, but he _still loves you_." Garrus leaned back against the wall of the shower. They hadn't turned the water on yet, still soaping themselves down before they rinsed. "Hell. I've missed you, too. Ever tried to have a tech conversation with the guy?" He laughed without humor. "He's good for philosophy but he still can't tell the difference between a Bluewire and a Savant." 

"Then how the hell do we work this out, Garrus?" Frustration laced his tone, nearly made him punch the wall. "We work out a schedule were we pass him around? You get him one week then I get him the next? That just can't _work_."

"That- that's not what I'm suggesting," Garrus muttered. "But dammit, we were friends. And if tonight showed us anything, we're not exactly incompatible in bed." He chuckled when Kaidan's face flashed red. "I thought it turned out pretty well, didn't you?"

"I didn't realize you were such a pervert," Kaidan snapped, feeling his face burn. He cut the water on, chillier than he preferred but wanting to ease the blush. Garrus yelped. 

"I've seen," Garrus started, ducking under the spray then shaking himself. "I've seen your extranet history, Alenko. Don't get me started."

The flush returned. 

"But if you really can't," Garrus started, and then he stopped. Choked. "If you can't deal with me sleeping with him, then... then I can deal with that." He took a step back, crossing his arms. "But I can't stop caring about him. Hell, I'm not even attracted to humans, usually. But I can't let him go, at least not emotionally. Sure, cutting off the sex I could handle. But I _need_ him, Kaidan." He exhaled, taking on a tone of desperation. "And to lose him now-"

"You can't. But I don't want to lose him, either," Kaidan replied. He finished rinsing himself off. "Then how are we going to do this. I mean... damn. We worked together, had each other's back for so long, I can't see myself getting into some stupid cat-fight with you over him."

"Cat? Those evil little mammals?" Garrus asked, looking up at him. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"They aren't _all_ evil." Kaidan shook his head. "And a cat-fight is a small, vicious fight over territory. Lots of snarling and, well, never mind. I mean... damn. It would be so fucking easy to hate you over this, you know?" he glared at Garrus again, shaking water from his hair. "Instead I'm wondering if I'm insane enough to take this idea _seriously_."

"Kaidan, there's something else you're forgetting," Garrus said, this time more than a bit sober. "He needs someone with him. At least when he's in heat. The implant will keep another Zaeed from happening, but I don't like the idea of him alone. And while I can accept him with _you_ , I really don't like the idea of him with someone else."

"And if I were to start dating someone else?" the question came out before Kaidan could stop himself. 

"I'd tell you that you were a fucking idiot." Garrus' mandibles flared. "And then wonder when you were indoctrinated."

"God, Garrus," Kaidan muttered. "I- let me think about it, okay? We're not going to figure this out in a shower."

"Right." Garrus sighed, nudging Kaidan over to get one more rinse. "We took out the Collectors, but we're pretty convinced the Reapers are taking the long way in." He brushed against Kaidan, this time deliberately, running one hand up his arm before walking out and grabbing a towel. "Don't take too long thinking about it. We might not have the time."

~*~*~*~*~

When Kaidan followed Garrus out of the shower, he saw that Derek had awakened from his doze. He sat on the edge of the bed beside the nightstand, bent over, body still, staring and frowning at the small pill package clenched between his thumb and forefinger.

"Derek?"

"Hm?" His eyes flicked up, lips twitching as he tore open the foil pocket, putting the small white pill under his tongue. "Yes?"

"You okay?" Kaidan saw Derek's shoulders tense. "You were still basking in the afterglow when we left. That pill in league with the Reapers or something?"

"No. I mean, I'm fine." Derek answered, tossing the leftover foil into the trash bin. He groped about to find his pants, making a face. "No longer wanting to hump tables, at any rate. Just had to remind myself to," he paused, voice soft. "To take care of some things."

That was when someone knocked on the door. 

All three men looked at each other, trying to decide if they should be scrambling for weapons or pants first. 

The mystery knocker pounded on the metal door again, a moment before Derek's omni-tool pinged. "Commander?" a familiar Aussie accent called, using the omni-tool's intercom. "Commander, let me in."

"Miranda?" Derek answered. "What are you doing here?" he looked at the other men again, who just shrugged. "And _why_ are you here?"

"I got a message this morning that Councilor Anderson would be able to speak with you in a few hours. That was an hour ago. When you never returned last night, I had EDI scan for your biometric signature. Now, are you going to open this door or do you _want_ to see the Councilor in rumpled clothes?" Her tone became distinctively peevish towards the end.

"Give me a minute, I need to get my pants on," Derek answered, again reaching for his clothes. 

"Commander," Miranda said, this time exasperated. "It's nothing I've not seen before."

"I'm not the only one who needs pants!" 

The thump against the door could have been a fist, or a head. Kaidan snickered, doffing his towel and reaching for his fatigues. They weren't fresh, but at least they didn't smell like Derek's suit; that was still damp and heavy with musk and sweat. He found himself biting his lip as Derek shook the fabric out. The scent coming off of them was almost as bad as last night, when he had brushed past Derek to sit at the booth. 

He remembered his mind blanking, scrambling to reorient itself and the knowledge that they would be in a shitload of trouble if he bent Derek over a table. It had been enough that when Derek had begged for them to leave and Garrus had taken over, he had gone along without question. 

Shaking himself back to the present, he finished dressing. Garrus was doing the same, pulling back on his tunic and leggings while Derek wiggled back into his boxer-briefs and all three drew their pistols. 

Garrus hit the door, revealing Miranda in a black (unmarked) cat suit and-

"Geth!" Kaidan barked, lifting and aiming his pistol before Derek grabbed his hands, forcing the gun towards the deck.

"Stand down! That's Legion!"

"And the only other entity sober enough to come with me," Miranda said, tone snippy. She tossed a bag at Shepard, who caught it and opened it. Whatever was inside made his eyebrows lift, before nodding. "After last night's revelry most of the crew and the specialists are all nursing some impressive hangovers."

"And you thought it might be fun to troll the Citadel," Derek replied, standing and rolling his head to loosen it. 

"That's something I can only imagine _you_ doing, Commander," Miranda said, straight faced, before frowning, eyes flickering over his scratches, love bites, and overall mussed appearance. "I hope you took precautions?"

" _Yes_ ," Derek called, over his shoulder as he headed into the shower. The door snapped shut behind him.

"You actually befriended a geth," Kaidan said, incredulous as Legion looked first at Garrus and then back to Miranda. They were shifting from foot to foot. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, Alenko-Staff Commander," the geth replied. "We were sent to investigate Shepard-Commander's disappearance after Normandy's death. We followed his trail through the galaxy until we arrived on Alchera. He was not there."

Kaidan found himself eying the N7 armor welded to its platform, then shook his head. "Why would the geth be interested in that?"

"Shepard-Commander defeated Sovereign, disproving the heretics belief that the Old Machine was a god."

"Excuse me, I think I missed something-"

"You got that particular email?" Garrus asked, as he finished fastening his boots. "Yeah, apparently not all geth are out to conquer the galaxy and kill all organics. Who knew?"

The geth's face plates flexed. "We are the only true geth beyond the Perseus Veil. The geth consensus allowed the heretics to go their own way. However, they were going to try to forcibly convert the rest of the geth to their point of view. Shepard-Commander aided us in choosing how they should be dealt with."

Shepard walked back out of the shower, hair damp, towel wrapped around his waist. "And I decided to blow them up instead of try to convert them back." He laid his clothes out of the bag, turning his back to Miranda. Kaidan noticed that Miranda didn't look away. Not that he could blame her in enjoying the view.

Garrus joined him in watching Shepard's muscles flex and ripple under his skin as he dressed, pulling on the fresh underwear, then the dress uniform. One that was conspicuously missing the Cerberus logos. 

"You were asking if I should do to them what they were planning to do to you." There was an audible sigh when he put his arms through the jacket sleeves. Derek turned around, sealing his pants and jacket, looking at his audience with a cocked eyebrow and bemused expression at their sighs. "From my experience, while you can adapt to being changed, having someone take your away your ability to choose the fate of your mind and body is worse than dying."

"We understand your decision," Legion acknowledged. "This is why we asked for your help."

Shepard nodded at them. Miranda glanced down at her boots before nodding, even though she was not the one addressed.

"At any rate, Kaidan, I trust Legion. And yes," he nodded at Miranda, a smile playing on his lips. "I would have used them to troll the Citadel."

Miranda's lips curved upwards, but it did not meet her eyes. "I... apologize for not recommending you stay aboard the Normandy last night, Commander." She shifted her weight. "I had thought the new implant would keep some of your more base impulses under control." She glanced at Kaidan, and he felt cold under her measuring gaze. "I did not realize you had invited Staff Commander Alenko to join you."

"I think the only victim of last night was my dignity and my bank account," Derek answered, tilting his head to the side, and looking over at Garrus and Kaidan. "I, uh," his face reddened. "I think I'm good for the next day or so. If you are."

"We're working on it, Shepard," Garrus answered, after catching Kaidan's eyes. Then he shrugged. "We'll figure it out."

"I-"

"Don't apologize, Shepard," Garrus said. "We promised to help you, and we're going to work this out." He nudged Kaidan, who cleared his throat and nodded. "Just... give us some more time."

Derek sat down on the bed, putting on his socks and shoes, his expression unhappy but resigned. "I understand. This is not going to be easy, is it?"

"No, it won't." Garrus put his hand on Kaidan's arm, who looked down at it then sighed, seeing Derek's expression. "But I, for one, am not going to give up."

"I," Kaidan started, then stopped. It would be so damn easy if he hadn't given permission. If Derek had started sleeping with someone he barely knew, like Jacob. But Garrus had been right about a few things. They liked each other, and last night had not been unpleasant in the least. Maybe they could work this out. "I'll give it a shot."

The heavy weight on Derek's shoulders lifted, his face brightening in a cautious smile.

"This is all well and good," Miranda interrupted, clearing her throat. "But you need to be at the embassies in under twenty minutes. And I really don't want to know more about your bedroom activities, Commander." 

"Understood, Miranda," Derek answered, standing and straightening his sleeves. He gave her a crooked smile. "And thank you."

~*~*~*~*~*~

Garrus' omni-tool started to ping as he settled up the bill, noting that Shepard's bank account was a hell of a lot lighter than the previous night. He glanced down, bringing up the interface. New message notification. Actually, he had four.

One spam, from Morlon's famous shop. No, he had no need for enhancements. Another was from an Executor Pallin, asking if he was doing anything stupid back on the Citadel. He did not define stupid. Garrus deleted both of these. 

The other two were from his sister. 

He was glad that the three humans and one geth were looking the other way; Shepard had learned his body language and expressions at a frightening speed, and Kaidan was good at noticing small changes in mood even if he didn't know what it meant. Legion, he didn't have to worry about, and Miranda didn't care. He was just happy that no one saw his mandible twitch painfully, plates pinching together as his jaw clicked in distress. 

He had emailed her, letting her know he was back on the grid. Now... he slapped his omni-tool, dismissing the note. He could read it later. He had to; it was his problem. 

They piled into rapid transit shuttle, stacked against each other. Any other time Garrus would have taken the opportunity to run his hand up Shepard's thigh, or perhaps try the same on Kaidan. Just to get a reaction from the other human, push his boundaries. Right now, however, Shepard was scrolling down a datapad, and Kaidan was sitting behind him. 

"Well, looks like you're bringing home souvenirs," Garrus asked, looking over Shepard's shoulder as they arrived at the Embassies. There was information on the Collectors, the Reapers and Cerberus on the display. "How long have you been working on that?"

"Awhile. Unshackling EDI and having Miranda on board when I flipped Cerberus the bird have made compiling this easier than I thought, but the information on Cerberus is likely to be outdated within a week." They got out, Shepard's eyes still on the datapad as they trooped down towards the Human Embassy and Anderson's office, weaving through scads of suits, diplomats and other parasites. "But if anyone can jumpstart some actual projects based on this information, it's Anderson."

Miranda's face was calm, though she did purse her lips. "I'm having a few reservations about your suggestions, Shepard. I knew these people and worked with them for years. While I agree that Cerberus has lost track of its goals, there are many who joined Cerberus to do what the Alliance could not."

"I have nothing against the people working for Cerberus because they are frustrated with the Alliance," Shepard said, as they greeted Anderson's secretary. "And if Anderson will listen to me at all, he'll use all his pull to protect anyone who wants to desert. But I can't trust the Illusive Man to actually help the Alliance, or the rest of the galaxy, when the Reapers arrive."

They were ushered inside. No one seemed to notice or care about the geth walking with them, head swiveling back and forth. The spacious office was clean and neat, with an Alliance crest on one wall and the Council symbol on the other. The holographic display that allowed the rest of the Council to commune when they weren't in session was before it. Anderson's desk was stacked with datapads, a picture of a blond woman, and a modest display of his medals. Garrus was a bit impressed. There were a lot of them.

"Cerberus did want to protect humanity," Miranda started, but Shepard interrupted her, throwing up air quotes.

"And your boss told me that 'Cerberus is humanity.' I get the feeling that his idea of what constitutes our species is limited to those who obey him, and those who don't," Shepard crossed his arms. "And you _aren't_ human any more, by those standards."

To Garrus' eternal gratification, someone had noticed that in addition to the three humans there would be a turian joining them. Garrus had gotten used to how humans set a table (which usually involved some kind of false talons; their nails were too weak for tearing) and he saw dextro-amino compatible food. Good food; he recognized the caterer. He grabbed a baked legume cake covered in whipped gray fats before anyone could stop him and crammed it into his mouth, tongue running over his teeth and jaws as it melted in his mouth.

His omni-tool pinged again.

Miranda had jerked back like Shepard had slapped her across the face, but she nodded. "But these people also brought you back to life. Surely you can understand why I would be reluctant to rat them out."

"I can," Shepard answered. "And I'm grateful. Don't get me wrong. There's too much for me to finish before I... before the Reapers arrive." He rubbed the back of his neck, looking off to the side and taking a seat at the table. Then he sighed. "We'll see if I can talk Anderson around on clemency. But I don't trust Cerberus as far as I could throw the Normandy."

Legion wandered about the room, perfectly at peace with not being part of the conversation as it inspected Anderson's desk. Kaidan had already taken a seat and poured himself a cup full of the steaming brown beverage that humans seemed to enjoy so much. Coffee? Garrus had observed humans using it as a medium to facilitate social gatherings before.

Garrus' omni-tool pinged for a third time. His mandible twitched. 

"You never made a secret of your dislike of Cerberus," Miranda started, again.

"Yes, and that brings me to an important question," Councilor David Anderson said, bursting into the room with little fanfare and sitting down, pausing as his assistant poured coffee into his ceramic cup. "Why didn't you tell them to go to hell earlier?"

"Because every sales pitch, like a good lie, has to be at least two-thirds the truth to be effective." Shepard also poured a cup of coffee, gazed at it with a look of bliss on his face that reminded Garrus a bit too much of the previous night. "Miranda, you might believe I'm necessary to win against the Reapers, but I never did."

Miranda, Anderson, Garrus and Kaidan all did a double take. 

"Hear me out," Shepard said, putting a hand up. "I'm just a soldier. Well-trained, lucky, with stunning good looks and irresistible charm," and he snorted a laugh at himself, "but still, just a soldier. I'm sure there were others that fit the same criteria and would have made excellent Spectres. Anderson, you still fit that criteria better than I ever did."

"I have stunning good looks? Why didn't someone tell me?" Anderson replied, chin on his fist and amused. 

"My point being, I'm replaceable. At least when it came to being a figurehead." He nodded towards Garrus and Kaidan. "Both of you were in great positions to take over with a little prodding. You both are sure as hell prettier than I am. The only thing that made me any different was that I _killed a goddamn Reaper_."

There was another ping from Garrus' omni-tool. Garrus looked down at the small display on his palm; four more messages in the past thirty minutes. All of the new messages were from his sister.

"And no one else had done so," Miranda murmured. "That is why people follow you."

"Like I said, I got lucky." Shepard was about to gulp his coffee, but when the steam hit his nose he sniffed it, and put it down. "Huh. At any rate, legends, reputation can all be manufactured. Experience can't. Which got me wondering, what the hell was the payoff? Cerberus always has a goal in mind. For all the Illusive Man tried talk up his good intentions, he had something very specific in mind when he had me resurrected. Something worth the four billion credit price tag and however much he poured into goodies."

"The Collector base," Miranda supplied. She sounded resigned. 

"Got it," Shepard answered. "Saving the colonists was always my primary motivation, but why the hell would Cerberus care? They wiped out colonies themselves. Outside of a pissing contest for territory, the Collectors had the most advanced tech in the galaxy that wasn't Prothean or Reaper."

Miranda's lips pressed together, face in her hands, but she nodded. 

"I destroyed the base to keep it out of Cerberus hands. Even if I could trust the Illusive Man with it, I sure as hell couldn't have expected whatever teams he sent to stay safe." Shepard leaned back, picking the coffee cup up again, lifted it to his lips, then dropped it back to the table with a frown. "There's no way to block indoctrination, and they were building a Reaper. How much Reaper does it take to indoctrinate someone? That derelict Reaper at Mnemosyne had been dead for thirty-seven _million_ years, and it still convinced the entire Cerberus team to turn themselves into husks. How easy would it be to indoctrinate the entire Cerberus organization?"

Miranda frowned again. "Cerberus wouldn't have been stupid about it... but they should have taken more precautions. I understand your point."

Garrus' omni-tool pinged for a fifth time. Solona again. "I'm sorry, I need to take this," he said, getting to his feet. "I'll just step outside." He could feel the eyes on him as he walked towards the door, even Legion's flashlight. 

No one spoke as he felt the breeze from the air circulators, the metal doors closing behind him with a hiss, pulling up the email from this morning. 

_-Done playing Spectre yet? Mom's getting worse. We've taken her to a facility on Illium. We got the money you sent._

He frowned. That was the earliest. It arrived just after they had come back to the Citadel last night.

_-She's asking about you, Garrus. She's getting a lot weaker. She can't remember much beyond me leaving for my military service. Thinks that's where you are. Dad's keeping up a strong face but he's starting to crack._

That was the second message. It had arrived this morning; probably while he was sleeping or when Shepard had awoken him with a teasing touches and sweet words. He ran his hand over his face.

_-Fine. Fuck you. Don't answer when we need you. Can't email me back, won't look me in the eye. If you get this in time, she's probably got a week. A month, if we're lucky._

Garrus fringe scraped the wall as he leaned against it, exhaling. The last time he had seen Mom, had seen any of his family, had been right after he had left C-Sec. Dad had been quiet but angry, Solona had yelled; Mom had just asked why. Her disappointment had been the hardest to bear. 

He had tried to give them answers they would understand. The endless politicking of being a C-Sec officer, the rejection letter from Spectre training. He hadn't been able to speak the ones he had barely been able to articulate to himself: that without the Normandy, he had felt lost. He needed that connection again. Shepard was _dead_ and the Council was shitting on his name. His friends, a team he had been able to connect with despite being aliens, were scattered to the void. He had needed to make a tangible difference in the galaxy. 

Then he had gone to Omega. 

_-Answer me, dammit. We need you._

Garrus was a turian. Duty to home and hierarchy were fed to him from birth. He had friction with his family, but he had never doubted his duty to them. 

He ground his teeth together, guilt mixing with anger at himself, his family and even Shepard for being put into a position of having to choose. He swallowed it down, buzzing in his gizzard. Then it mixed with more guilt.

_-Please, Gar-gar, I'm scared._

His jaw eased. Help the living to mourn the dead. Garrus opened up a connection to the extranet to check the schedules for all ships, freight and passenger, headed towards Illium.

There were four headed out. The most recent would depart in-

His omni-tool pinged a sixth time. He opened the message without glancing at the sender.

_-You're not the only one who can pull this trick, you know._

The office door to his right whooshed open, Kaidan walking out and crossing his arms as the doors snapped shut behind him. "Seemed fair to return the favor after you hacked my account." His face was neutral. "I had to run a translation program... but it sounds pretty bad." He leaned against the wall, golden irises on white corneas fixing on his face. "Care to explain? I would like to think you would not run off on Shepard, given your repeated promises to stay with him."

"It's not really any of your business," Garrus responded, but it lacked heat. He was getting used to nosy humans getting into his personal affairs. "Really." He sighed, gestured for Kaidan to follow him. There was an alcove nearby, passed the offices. Not as many sycophants to distract them.

"It's family," Garrus said, as Kaidan followed behind. "And that's why it's none of your business. It's something I have to take care of, and telling Shepard would just make things worse."

"How, exactly?" Kaidan had uncrossed his arms, rubbing his chin. "I was there when we went to investigate Taylor's father, and you emailed me about Lawson's sister. Helping people is what Shepard _does_."

"And that's the reason." Garrus rubbed the back of his neck. "He can't fix everything. He... he shouldn't have to try." Garrus looked down over the Presidium, at the impossible illusion of hanging gardens in salarian style, and tried to lose himself in it. "I asked Mordin for help. He gave me suggestions, got in contact with some of his old connections. I made some donations of... materials... and money, to some corporations doing treatment research." He looked back up at Kaidan. "But you can't shoot a gun at a disease, or bomb old age. Modern medicine can do some damn spectacular feats. But in the end? We're still breakable, feeble organics." He felt his throat close up, a mournful keen waiting its chance to be heard, but he forced it down. "Shepard, Derek, I _know_ he would want to know. I know he would stick with me through it. But whatever bullshit he might believe about his own importance, you and I both know he's the best chance we've got against the Reapers. I won't be a distraction." He glanced at his hands. "When my mom...." He stopped, took a deep breath. "I won't abandon him. But I don't want him propping me up when the rest of the galaxy needs it more."

"Everyone's entitled to their pain, and their privacy," Kaidan replied. "But Garrus," he said, sighing, walking over and putting an arm around the turian's waist, under his arm. "He's not the only one who will want to support you." The human gave Garrus gentle bump with his hip. "Thanks for telling me."

"I... you're welcome." Garrus let his weight transfer onto Kaidan, before straightening. "I need to get back to finding transport."

Kaidan took his hand. "I'd hold off on that, at least for a few hours. Derek's in there trying to convince Anderson that it's a good idea for him to stay in control of the Normandy, because Cerberus had sent him intel on a few more missions before you left for the Omega 4 relay. Depending on how long repairs take, we might be leaving for Illium in a few days. Something about info on the Shadow Broker."

"I don't know if she's got that long," Garrus replied, still thinking about transport. "Wait a minute, 'we'?" Garrus said, doing a double take as his mind caught up with Kaidan's words. 

Kaidan nodded, smirking. "He's, ah," he threw up hands for air-quotes. "'Requisitioning' me. Spectre privilege."

Garrus just blinked at Kaidan. "Good. I'm glad you'll be with him. Especially right now." He shook his head. "Put a reminder on your omni-tool to talk to Mordin." He felt a bit of his usual humor return, past the choked feeling in his chest. "He can prescribe you some herbal supplements. Trust me." He shook his head, squeezing Kaidan's hand. "You are going to _need_ them."

To be continued.  
Questions, comments and criticisms welcomed and encouraged.


	16. Chapter Sixteen: Mysteries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly more genre-savvy Shepard

  
**Breeder**

Chapter Sixteen

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.

Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it. 

Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed. 

Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.

~*~*~*~*~

Two weeks later, the Normandy docked at the Nos Astra space port. Nine days before, Garrus had departed the Normandy and the Citadel with little more than a short note and a promise to come back.

Derek figured he had taken the news rather well. He had indulged in paralyzing terror and grief for only ten seconds, when he felt he would have been justified in taking a full minute. Then he had called Liara to find out any details she could give him, and Kaidan had been in the background before explaining his conversation with the turian. 

Derek hadn't drawn his pistol. Granted, he was naked at the time, but he hadn't drawn his pistol, or punched Kaidan. Instead he had asked, calmly, why they hadn't told him what was going on. He was a grown man. He understood that the universe Wasn't About Him. He would have respected Garrus' wishes. If anyone understood letting go, it was him.

Kaidan managed to placate him, asked him if he was okay. There was a look of shock on his face that Shepard had never seen before; then Kaidan had touched Shepard's face.

Derek had been crying. 

He hadn't cried since Mindoir.

"Been to Illium before?" Derek asked, shaking himself out of his reverie. He was flanked by Kaidan and Legion, the rest of the crew going on shore leave while they headed towards Liara's office above the Nos Astra Exchange.

"Never," Kaidan said, rubber-necking as he took in the massive towers of ceramic, steel alloy and plastic. The sunset slanted through the buildings, glinting off windows and warm on their skin. The air, so high above the surface of the planet, was dry and parched and soon Derek was, too. "It's beautiful. Makes me miss Vancouver, though."

"We have never been here either, Shepard-Commander," the geth responded. They were getting more comfortable in joining conversations. "We judge these buildings to be adequate structures."

"Do geth have concepts of beauty?" Derek asked, looking back towards their mobile platform, before glancing about for vending machines. Maybe he could get a drink on the way? "I've noticed a very specific aesthetic in heretic's ships."

"We use the most efficient geometry for our purposes," Legion answered, before flexing their face plate. "However, that does not mean we cannot... appreciate... their appearance." 

Derek's lips quirked on one side, smiling at the sight of Legion waffling. He had gotten a similar answer when he had asked about the N7 armor. For all their supposed lack of emotions, it never ceased to amuse him that this particular (collection? gaggle? of) geth acted like a smitten fan. He found it endearing. 

"A geth that likes art," Kaidan muttered, and Derek's smile widened. They had taken the first turn after exiting customs, through the markets and on their way towards administration. Shepard licked dry lips. Still no vending machines. He checked his omni-tool. Did they have time to stop at Eternity?

A cramp stopped Derek cold, knotting itself and snapping behind his navel. He grunted in surprise, stumbled, and almost hit the ground when Legion walked into his back. 

"Derek?" 

"Shepard-Commander?"

He had braced himself against the wall, grunted again. "I'm fine. Just," he rubbed his abdomen. A pretty useless gesture through his armor, but the leftover ache lingered. The cramps had felt even more vicious than normal, this time."The geneticist who developed the Mindoir mods were sadists. Or hated everyone with testicles."

"Or some really weird kinks," Kaidan muttered. "What happened?"

"Cramps. I really hate the cramps," Derek said, swallowing another grunt. He pushed off the wall. They had started six days ago, and the bleeding followed that by a day. A bit early this time, but still. Ugh.

"Cramps covers a wide range of medical conditions. Please specify." Legion was standing at attention. 

"Menstrual cramps." Derek rubbed his face. "I'm, I'm intersexed, Legion. I take it you've hacked my medical records?" 

Legion nodded. "Right. Human females sometimes have a host of unpleasant or even painful symptoms that go along with being female-sexed. Due to my genetic tailoring, I get them too."

The geth's face plates flexed several times, flashlight tilting right and left. "We understand there to be various pharmaceuticals and other remedies taken by human females to alleviate those symptoms?"

"Right. Those don't work too well on me." Derek muttered a few curses before continuing. " _Nothing_ standard seems to work on me." He sighed, gestured, and they headed up the stairs, pausing as they finally found a convenient vending machine on a landing. It only sold Tupari, but beggars weren't choosers, were they?

"That really sucks," Kaidan said. He put his hand on the small of Derek's back, and Derek sighed. He enjoyed the gesture. 

"You're telling me," Derek answered, opening the top of the Tupari and downing half in a long swig. At least it didn't smell as obnoxious as Anderson's coffee, even if it tasted just like sugar and water. "If there is an afterlife, my sister is laughing her ass off. I used to give her hell."

Legion continued to watch them, and Derek got the impression that the geth platform and all of its sundry programs were laughing at him.

They reached the top of the stairs to find that Liara had not yet hired a new secretary. The door to Liara's office rolled open, revealing the asari herself. 

She looked the worse for wear. His impression of her when they had first arrived on Illium had been of her growing into her mother's shadow. Now she really _did_ resemble a shadow: hunter green robes, dark circles under her eyes and hollowed out cheekbones. Whatever demons she hunted or fought still plagued her. 

Derek finished off his drink, tossing it in the recycle bin just inside her door.

"Shepard," Liara acknowledged, eyes flickering up and then back to her screens, though her tone warm. "It's good to see you again." Her eyes lit to Shepard's two companions. There was a hint of confusion on her face as she saw Legion, but it turned odd as she took in Kaidan. "Staff Commander Alenko. I haven't seen you in years. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine." The handsome biotic smiled. "A little surprised at how things have turned out, but fine."

"I heard you were back on the Normandy." Her eyes were hooded. "Given your previous opinions on Cerberus, _I'm_ surprised you even boarded." She tapped her chin with one finger. 

"To be honest, I kept wondering about that myself." Kaidan's expression hardened. "I take it you heard about Horizon?"

"Not all of the details, no. I heard about your collapse, Shepard, but none of the causes." She leaned back, folding her hands in her lap as she looked up at Derek. "Doctor Chakwas and your AI have done an adequate job of keeping your current medical records private."

"I'm glad to hear that, actually." Derek found himself shifting. The idea of his personal information, especially something _that_ personal, being up for sale made him queasy. "Nice to know the Normandy is bugged only by Cerberus."

Liara frowned when Shepard did not fill in that gap for her. Derek remained impassive; he kept that mental box closed. While Liara was a friend, reliving that particular memory was not something he was going to do any time soon.

"At any rate, seeing Derek collapse... I reacted without thinking. Next thing I knew I was on the new Normandy." Kaidan shrugged, and bumped his shoulder against Derek's. "I only left because Shepard asked me to."

Liara tried to smile. There were too many teeth. "I'm glad you got the chance. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"We came to help you, actually," Derek said, licking dry lips, regretting that he had already finished his drink. He offered Liara a PDA. "Cerberus sources gave me data on where to find to find the Shadow Broker. Interested?" Liara's eyes widened as she snatched the datapad out of Derek's hand, her fingers trembling as they danced over the datapad's surface to open the files. "I would have given it to you sooner but this arrived just before we hit the Omega Four relay. Then we had repairs. I didn't want to risk sending this through the com-buoys."

"Let's see," she said, before the stony mask she wore burned in a blaze of hope and anger. "It's a leaked transmission between Shadow Broker operatives," her brow furrowed. "Hints to the location and," she stopped, lips drawing out in a thin line. "And Feron." Her voice grew husky. "He's still alive."

"Who's Feron?"

"He was a friend." She swayed, briefly, putting her hand on her desk to regain her balance. "He helped me recover your body from the Shadow Broker."

Derek's jaw went slack. "Why did the _Shadow Broker_ want my corpse?" Unnerving, that, and more fuel for his nightmares. He had known that Cerberus wasn't telling him everything. As far as he had known, his body had been found on Alchera, by Cerberus.

"He was going to sell you to the Collectors, but Feron and I stopped him." She turned her back to Shepard, looking out at the flickering signs over the Nos Astra Exchange. "He sacrificed himself to save me."

"So... you rescued me?" Derek blinked, rubbed his gut through his armor. The cramps were returning. "Then how did I wind up with Cerberus?" That made no sense at all. He _should_ have been buried, on Mindoir, per his will. Did they dig him up?

"Cerberus gave me the intel to find you." She rocked back and forth, crossing her arms. "Put Feron with me to begin with. When I... got out, I gave you to them." She turned back towards her audience, but didn't meet Derek's eyes. "They said they could bring you back."

" _What_? You were the one who- who-" Kaidan sputtered, stepping forward and glowing with a biotic corona. Derek caught him, shaking his head. 

"Thank you for keeping me out of the Collectors' hands," Derek said, stilted. The idea of being turned into goo for their new Reaper, even after his death, made him queasy. "But why Cerberus?"

"Should I have left a friend to die when there was they offered some sliver of hope?" Desperation, and mourning, colored her voice. "Aren't you happy to be alive again?"

Derek grimaced. The queasiness was mixing with the pain from the cramps. "Yes. I've got a lot to finish." Liara didn't need the truth. What that was, he wasn't sure himself, but to hear that might break her. There was no way for Liara to know what would have come of her attempt to deal with her grief. He could forgive that. "Thank you."

She rocked back and forth, hugging her chest. "I didn't know how you'd feel when Cerberus restored you. If you'd feel betrayed, or..." she bit her bottom lip, swallowing and returning to look at the datapad. "They brought you back, and now they're giving me the chance to find Feron. After two years, I hadn't even dreamed." 

Shepard put his hand on her shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "Were you close?"

"It's funny," she glanced down at a frame on her desk. "He betrayed me more than once. He was double dealing, for Cerberus, for the Shadow Broker. But in the end, he sacrificed himself for me. I owe him."

He peered into her sky blue eyes, saw the anger she held on to. She needed this. "Any friend of yours is a friend of mine. What's our next step?"

"I, I don't know." She exhaled. "I need to prepare, to think. I'm going home." She grabbed a satchel, dumped a few things (Derek eyed a Carnifex) into it, along with the frame on her desk. She seemed energized, more her old self.

"You okay?" 

She headed towards the door. "I've spent the last two years plotting revenge." The sheer hope in her voice was painful to hear. "Now I have the chance to make it a rescue."

"Let me help." She had done what she had done to save him, after all. She was still his friend. "I'll come by your apartment?" 

"Okay. Hopefully I'll have a plan by then." She smiled at Derek, brushing past Kaidan, who had crossed his arms and was frowning.

"Can I use your restroom?" Derek asked, just as she walked out. He was starting to regret the Tupari. Not to mention having an irrational worry about changing his, um, sanitary supplies out in the men's room. 

"Sure!" Liara called, disappearing around the corner.

There was a moment of silence as the two humans and one geth platform looked at each other. "That went... strangely," Kaidan said, rubbing his chin. "I didn't know it was Liara who recovered your body." 

"I didn't, either," Derek answered, then paused. "She's changed."

"Losing someone you love will do that." Kaidan smiled at Derek, not quite meeting his eyes. "But you're back, and we're all better for it. I still don't like the Illusive Man, or the extremes he's gone to, but you're here and," he took a deep, sobbing breath. "I'm so happy." He gripped Derek's hand. They leaned towards each other.

The moment was ruined by a loud gurgling coming from Derek's midsection.

"Shepard-Commander, I believe you require a visit to-"

"Restroom," Derek said, with a long suffering groan.

"Yeah." Kaidan started to laugh. "Restroom."

~*~*~*~*~

The storm had whipped up out of nowhere, laid out in scattered cells over the city of Nos Astra. Liara's apartment building was underneath an ugly little squall, lashing their taxi with buffeting winds and heavy rains.

They had arrived about an hour after they had departed Liara's office; Shepard had stopped for more Tupari after his trip to the restroom, and the storm had caused accidents, slowing traffic to a crawl.

"What the hell?" Kaidan asked as they landed on one of the sky-car pads, noticing the flashing lights through the mosaic of the rain, the symbol of the Illium police blazoned on the five sky-cars. 

"We have a bad feeling about this," Legion intoned.

Derek nodded and shifted, perceptibly, into Commander Shepard. All animation and humor drained from his face as he opened the door and strode, unheeding, into the rain. "Let's find the person in charge."

Kaidan followed Shepard in through the main entrance to the police line, listening to the detectives call out their findings to each other as they scurried about like worker bees.

" _Commander Shepard?_ " A voice called, and Kaidan looked up to see a cobalt-skinned asari stride towards them, through the police line. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Detective Anaya?" Shepard asked, taking her hand for a firm shake. "I'm here to visit an old friend, Liara T'Soni."

The detective grimaced. "Well, if that's why you're here, I'm afraid you'll be disappointed. We're still sealing off trace evidence. There were multiple shots fired, and-"

"When did this happen?" Shepard interrupted. "We saw her barely an hour ago. Is she here?"

"About twenty-five, near as we tell. And no, she's not. Best we can tell, she's not dead." Anaya crossed her arms as the investigators continued chattering. "We've got the area sealed off. Mind giving us some time to finish processing the scene, and then answering some questions?"

"If there is anything we can do to assist," Shepard began, before a different voice interrupted. 

"Your services are no needed, Detective. Your people are dismissed," a new asari said, walking down the stairs from the second floor.

Kaidan's first impression was that damn, her armor was good. White on blue, he didn't recognize the manufacturer, but it was bleeding edge tech. She moved like a well trained commando, with none of the coyness of a former dancing girl, comfortable and experienced. He guessed her to be an older maiden, or a very young matron (sometimes hard to tell) and she stared at them with the gaze of a huntress.

Anaya's jaw went slack, her eyes narrowing. "You can't do that!" she snarled, leaning forward. 

"Already done," the huntress said, just as Derek caught Anaya's arm, shaking his head then nodding towards the exit. The detective frowned, but Shepard patted her arm, and gestured towards the door again. He gave her a humorless smile, before turning back towards the huntress.

The detective shook her head, stomping out of Liara's apartment. 

"What's a Spectre doing here?" Shepard asked, and Kaidan did a double take, noting the symbol on her shoulder-guard as she turned towards the men.

"Your friend has some powerful enemies," the asari answered, before pursing her lips. "Name's Tela Vasir. I heard your status was reinstated. Good. You're one of our most famous operatives." Her head was tilted to the side. "I _might_ even have you sign my chest plate later. So I assume you had some business with your friend this evening, Commander?"

"Answer my question first," Shepard said, tone saccharine. "And I might answer yours."

Tela blinked, then lifted an eyebrow of her own. "I thought I did. But your friend has made herself the target of the Shadow Broker. My own investigation crossed her path. So, here I am, and I'm willing to offer my help."

Shepard didn't answer immediately, taking a slow walk around the first floor. "We know that whatever happened, happened about twenty-five minutes ago, and there were shots fired. Hence the bullet holes." He nodded towards the fractured glass, streaked with rain blowing in from the outside. "Anaya told me that there's no body. Anything else?"

"She stuck around for almost four minutes before leaving the building. Whatever she was doing was important," Vasir said, and Kaidan could see the wheels turning in her head as well as Shepard's. 

"Any idea where Liara might have gone?" Shepard asked, absently typing on his omni-tool. "Wherever it was, it was more important than finding safety."

"How do you know that?" Vasir's eyes reminded Kaidan of a cat's, as she watched Shepard pace back and forth. 

"If she had wanted safety, she would have gone to the Normandy. Or she would have contacted me as soon as this happened." Shepard continued pacing. "Any ideas?"

"No. If I knew where she was, I wouldn't be here, sifting through her crap," Vasir snapped, crossing her arms. "She got away clean; the sniper wasn't counting on her kinetic barrier." Her voice warmed with grudging respect. "Clever. Paranoid, but clever."

"The police figured most of this out when they arrived, which wasn't much," Shepard countered. "Why send them out?"

"Two Spectres would have an easier time finding clues." Vasir turned her back towards them, looking out the window. "And I told them about when T'Soni left. I gave them a gold star for finding the bullet holes."

"Fine. We'll help you finish sifting." Shepard's eyes were covered by his visor, making it impossible for Kaidan to tell his expression, but his lips were flat and drawn. "What should we be looking for?"

Vasir's eyes narrowed as she turned back around. "She took those four minutes for a reason, Commander. She was expecting you."

"Ah. Was she? Liara is a good information broker. We were on our way to surprise her. Left the wine in the taxi when we saw the police lights." Derek turned away. "All right. Kaidan, Legion, spread out. Look for anything," he paused. " _Anything_ , that doesn't fit."

Kaidan nodded, trying to keep his face straight. What the hell was Shepard playing at, with that lie? He glanced at Legion, who was already starting to scan things with their omni-tool. Kaidan did the same, bringing up the sensor suite. There was a text message from Shepard. 

- _something fishy about Vasir. Stay sharp._

Kaidan swallowed. He had only met a handful of Spectres. One had tried to destroy all advanced organic life, another had saved it, and the third was Blasto. What _was_ Tela Vasir doing out here in the Terminus Systems? He tried to _not_ watch her, instead pacing through Liara's apartment, making his own observations on the palatial loft.

Liara had done quite well for herself in the past two years. The place was huge. It was also neat, the sofas as plush and clean as if they had just come from the showroom. Tasteful pieces of art and expensive relics lined the walls.

His eyes traced the sinuous lines of the Prothean carvings, flowing up to the painting of the trench on Ilos. He had to tear them away as memories of the root-choked ruins floated up before his eyes. 

There was a pattern to what he found there, teasing at his memory, as he continued around. More Prothean artifacts in display cases. It was when his gaze dropped on to the broken remnants of Shepard's Onyx N7 armor that Kaidan realized what he was looking at. 

The only mess was from bullet holes. There were no dishes in the sink, nothing beyond coffee supplies in the cupboards. Everything that had meant anything to her was on display, under glass, where it could remain safe and untouched. 

Liara didn't have any pictures of her friends, her mother, or her time on the Normandy. No gaudy knick knacks. The more Kaidan looked around, the more unnerved he felt. No pets outside of some fish, pretty but untouchable. Her bathroom was just as sterile. Just one toothbrush. She had lived her life completely alone since the Normandy had been destroyed; her only connection to other people was the shattered remains of Derek's old armor.

Liara didn't come back here to live. Her apartment was a museum, or maybe a mausoleum. All she did here was remember. And apparently, all she remembered was Derek's death.  
Kaidan shuddered. 

Shepard had followed Kaidan upstairs, humming to himself as he took in the bed, the massive glass tanks and the empty nightstands. Empty, except for one picture of the original Normandy. He picked up the frame, more memories flooding up through his mind. 

The humming stopped. Kaidan glanced over; Shepard's face had gone gray, one hand splayed over his belly. Kaidan grimaced. He had seen Shepard use that gesture, repeatedly, both before and after his return to the new Normandy. While Shepard's expression was blank, Kaidan had learned it meant he was in pain or distressed. Maybe both. 

Kaidan handed the picture over. The image of the Normandy faded, to be replaced with an image of a Prothean dig site.

Kaidan opened his mouth to comment. Shepard placed a finger over his lips. Shook his head, examined the picture, and went towards the nearest glass case, filled with Prothean stone carvings.

Whatever message Liara had sent was apparently keyed to Shepard, and Shepard only. Kaidan frowned, but it made sense. She knew Shepard was coming and would come after her; that was just what Shepard did. It was also make sense that if someone knew about her leaving a message, to find out what it was.

Tela Vasir was not really looking around. She had started going through Liara's hard files; the obvious place to leave a message would be on or around her desk. The exact opposite of a place to hide it. 

Kaidan stood, shadowing Shepard as he went to the relics, trying to find whatever it was Liara had left behind without alerting the other Spectre. 

Shepard's shoulders remained loose, first moving towards the case holding his battered armor and then to different artifact cases. He was smooth enough that, if Kaidan hadn't been looking, he wouldn't have noticed Shepard pull a disk from underneath the case of one of the stone carvings. He felt a soft bump and a brush as Shepard walked past him, the disk dropped into a utility pouch in Kaidan's armor before the other man went on to investigate another case.

There was a flash, a pop of displaced air, and Kaidan's heart was in his throat as he draw his gun. He heard Legion do the same in the background.

Tela Vasir had her muscular arm wrapped around Derek's throat, the muzzle of her Predator pistol digging into the skin above his ear. 

"Stand down. Weapons, heavy weapons, on the ground now, or your Commander buys it."

~*~*~*~*~

"How long has the Shadow Broker owned you, Vasir?" Shepard asked, somehow relaxed despite the situation. "When did you betray the Council?"

Kaidan, on other hand, was anything but. His vision throbbed with his heart, tinged in red and his chest clenched. He couldn't get enough air. Derek was going to die again and there wasn't anything he could do to stop it.

"You think I would betray the Council? Like Saren?" the other Spectre yowled, her arm tightening around Derek's neck. "Go to hell!" Her gaze flickered back towards Legion and himself. "Weapons, ground, _now_."

Kaidan bared his teeth, glancing over at Legion who was looking back. Together, they knelt, placing pistols on the floor. 

His mind raced. Both Legion and himself had a second weapon, out of reach. Kaidan was a biotic; but he needed an opening to _use_ those biotics. His HUD told him that Tela Vasir's armor and barriers were good; getting rid of those, and getting her _off_ Derek were the priority.

"What was your plan? Going to leave the message where it was and come back after I left? Do you think I'm an amateur?" The muzzle of her pistol dug further into Derek's face. "Now, _you_ are going to tell your boy-toy over there where it is, and he is going to hand it over, nice and slow, while your mech stays over there," she gestured with her chin towards the corner by the window. "Out of the way."

"Is that it?" Derek asked, soft, silky, and edged in steel. "Is that the best you can do? Vasir, I nearly bled out trying to save my brothers when I was sixteen." Beat. Derek's smile was mocking. "I went on a suicide mission to defeat the Collectors. I _did_ die saving my pilot. If you really think I'm afraid of being shot then you are stupid, incompetent, or just insane."

Kaidan's stomach dropped to his feet when Vasir scoffed. "It's not _your_ fear I'm banking on," she said, voice dropping to a whisper. "You've forgotten who, or _what_ , you're dealing with. I give your boyfriend and your toy until the count of five or I _rip_ the information from your brain." Her lips brushed Derek's ear, making the other man shiver and Kaidan almost gag. "One." Her eyes turned black. " _Three-_ "

" _Now, Legion!_ "

Legion's combat drone formed behind the asari, zipping forward and sapping half her barrier.

Kaidan had to give Vasir credit: her reflexes are good, keeping her arm locked around Derek's throat as her pistol sprayed covering fire in the drone's direction. In response, Kaidan snarled, mind blanking as he flung out his arm, using a technique he had only seen but never tried. 

The reave collapsed the rest of Vasir's barrier and weakened her armor, the force of it knocking her grip loose from around Derek's throat.

Derek yanked her arm off, following it up with an explosive punch. A punch that was a biotic attack, using the energy of his own barrier and detonating the reave, frying Vasir's protections. Vasir grunted, flung backwards and into the case holding Derek's old armor.

Legion followed this up with a shot to the head. With their Widow. 

Purple asari blood, shards of bone and blue skin painted the wall as Vasir slumped, eyes open and glassy as her body twitched in death. The reinforced glass had barely cracked, the entire case tumbled to the side. 

There was silence, nothing more than the sound of rain pattering on glass and the faint growl of sky-cars as they passed by for several moments. 

Derek cleared his throat. "Good work," he offered, giving Kaidan and Legion a smile. "Ordinarily, Legion, I would be worried that someone had hacked my armor." He tapped his Archon visor. "But thanks. Not sure how that would have worked out otherwise."

Kaidan found a hysterical chuckle forcing its way out of his throat. "That's why you kept talking? God, Shepard, I thought she was going to shoot you for sure." He exhaled raggedly. "Are you okay? She was about to-"

"I know." That was when Kaidan noticed Derek's tense jaw and pinched lips. "I'm trying to not think about it." He made an odd burp, covering his mouth before rubbing his throat. Kaidan saw the bruises already forming. "Makes me queasy." He took a deep, slow breath, blowing it back out. Kaidan saw he had one arm pressed against his belly. "Can either of you tell if we're being monitored? We need to find out what Liara was up to."

Legion was already scanning the apartment with his omni-tool, and Kaidan shook his head, looking down at the body. "What gave her away?"

"Surely you've heard of 'beware Greeks bearing gifts'?" Derek asked, reaching into Kaidan's utility pocket to pull out the message disk. He walked into Liara's office space, putting the disk in her terminal. "A _Spectre_ , of all things, shows up and offers her help without asking for any reward? Yeah, I'm suspicious."

Silence. Kaidan's eyebrows were crawling up his forehead. Legion had also stopped, still.

Derek turned back to them when no one followed him. "What?"

"We think that Shepard-Commander has forgotten that this also describes himself," Legion said, using the perfect deadpan only a machine could manage. "You have often performed actions considered altruistic towards other sapients, even those considered non-sapient, without asking for reward beyond goodwill."

"I couldn't have said it better myself." Kaidan was staring. "And you consider that _suspicious_?"

"Of course I do. Other Spectres aren't _me_ ," Derek answered. He stood back, watching as the recording on the disk was brought up. 

"It appears to be a recording of a call," Legion filled in, as a well dressed salarian appeared on the terminal, Liara's voice offscreen. They watched the conversation, before Shepard nodded to himself. 

"Right. We need to get a ride and head to the Dracon Trade Center. Let's go."

To be continued.  
Comments, questions and criticism appreciated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can't tell, I was rather peeved by how the first part of LotSB went. Tela Vasir's presence was completely unexplained, and Shepard _should_ have noticed there was something wrong with her. I was really, really annoyed that there were no more options to question her. I know that Vasir was reported on extensively by the Cerberus Network... but when I bought ME2, I missed most of this, and because _that_ I found her to be horribly suspicious. I also found Liara's treatment of Shepard's corpse to be unhealthy. Not necessarily bad for the character, and potentially interesting as a plot point _if it had been treated as such._ I was really, really freaked out. I like Liara as a character, but I wished there was more emphasis (in game. I haven't read the comics) on how her choice to resurrect a non-romanced Shepard. Again, I was profoundly uncomfortable in this. I want to explore this in-story, and I hope to treat Liara with respect even if I am taking a different turn with her character.


	17. Chapter Seventeen: Fester

  
** Breeder **

Chapter Seventeen

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.

Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it. 

Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed. 

Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.

~*~*~*~*~

_In the five days after Benezia's death, Liara had retreated to her room, her Prothean artifacts and her thoughts, barely speaking to anyone._

_Shepard had gotten worried. His usual counseling method was to give people a listening ear and a few leading sentences and allowed whomever to control the flow of conversation. It was simple observation; most people enjoyed talking about themselves, whether they were human or alien. He happened to enjoy listening and learning about his crew; if this gave him an opening to help them, it was no hardship._

_Yet since Benezia's death, Liara had only given him a few terse words and a reassurance she would be fine. Under other circumstances he would take the words at face value. Liara, however, was a terrible liar. He decided to take measures._

_That was how they had wound up in her small storage room/lab, sitting on the floor with two tumblers, an ice bucket and a precious bottle of Jack Daniels being passed between them. The first glass of Jack had gone down quickly after her first fit of coughing, followed by the second without a pause. This was followed by a third, and after that things got fuzzy._

_Somehow Liara had wound up in his lap while she rattled off stories of her childhood, talking about her mother and lack of father, emotions flickering like a kaleidoscope across her agile blue face._

_"I love you," she blurted out. She tried to kiss him after that but missed, both because she was drunk off her ass and because he was much more sober and able to dodge. She instead mouthed his shoulder. "I want you. Please?"_

_Shepard winced. "Liara, you're lonely." He pulled her off his now damp shirt. "And you're really, really drunk. This is," he stopped. The bottle was empty. "That was a big bottle."_

_"Humans find asari very attractive," Liara muttered, her hands wandering up his chest. "Most leap at the chance to be with one of us."_

_"Well, yes," he said, then shook his head. "I'm not most humans." Her eyes welled up with tears. "You're very pretty, Liara," he added, hastily. "I'm just... there's someone else, and..." He just didn't find asari attractive. He did tend to prefer human men, but he had hooked up women in the past. Yet, he found that asari were just off-putting, for some reason. They smelled odd. He could have looked at Liara nude and felt nothing. Add in her relative youth, and he wanted to feed her cookies and milk then tuck her into bed. "I love you like a sister."_

_Liara sniffled, burying her face back in his shoulder. "I wanted my first time to be special." She tried to nuzzle his neck, but Derek gently nudged her away._

_There was something there he wasn't getting. "And it will be. You'll find the right person. Just give it time." As if he needed another reason to turn her down. She deserved someone whose experience wasn't just limited to weekend hook-ups and one-night stands._

_"You feel nothing for me?" she sat up, heart in her eyes, cheeks flushed violet. "Nothing at all?"_

_"You're my friend, and part of my crew," Derek replied. Those were two things that meant the galaxy to him. "If I can help you with anything, you know I will."_

_Liara sat up, staggering out of his lap and stumbling away, falling to her knees "Go away, Commander." Her tears fell thick and fast as she hugged herself."Just... I'll be fine. But go away. I don't want to see you right now."_

_Derek's jaw went slack. He had never meant- "Liara, I'm sorry." He knelt beside her, one hand rubbing up and down her back. "Maybe if things were different... but they aren't."_

_She just cried all the harder._

__

~*~*~*~*~

"Shepard-Commander, Shadow Broker forces are en route," Legion announced as they landed, in Vasir's commandeered sky-car. "We have detected three transports unloading troops onto the rooftop landing pad."

"Shit," Derek muttered, while he heard Kaidan muffle his laughter. "Was there a tracking beacon in the car?"

"That's what you get for being cheap and not getting a taxi," the sentinel chirped, leaned over the shoulder of Derek's seat. His tone hardened. "But are they following us, or did they found out where Liara was there some other way?"

"That can wait," Derek said, and frowned, tapping his communicator. "EDI, can you trigger the building's security systems? Call for an evacuation? We need to get the civilians out of the cross fire." 

" _Doing so now,_ " EDI's synthesized voice came over their com channel. _"I would suggest that you hurry. Com chatter suggests that the off-loading troops may have military grade explosives."_

Derek felt his heart beat in his ears. "Right." He floored the throttle. "Can you get hold of Liara? Try her old com channel frequency?"

" _I cannot reach her on a secure channel. Contacting her on an unsecure one would give away her position,_ " the AI replied. 

"Dammit." Derek steered the sky-car down, dodging the blasts from the guards on the roof. Thankfully, he was spared any comments on his driving skills; geth felt no fear and Kaidan had experienced Derek's reckless style before, and had the sense to keep his mouth shut.

Derek reckoned he would reward the man when this was over. Somehow. Probably with sex. Or, perhaps, a full night's sleep.

" _I have been able to locate three military grade detonation devices in the building. You will not have enough time to disarm them manually. However, with Legion's help, I can hack the signal coordinating the detonators. I need a signal boost from the Dracon Trade Center's security office, and the help of Legion's multiple programs to hack everything efficiently._ "

"Oh, is that all?" Derek asked, under his breath. "No pressure."

" _You have four minutes. The security office is two floors down._ "

"Well, that makes everything better," Kaidan added, sounding nonplussed. Derek grunted, nodding to himself.

"Okay, people. Grapples. Legion, you and me, we're going to repel down the side of the building. I'm going to charge you through the building to the security office." He turned to Kaidan, stomach twisting at what he was about to ask, but he didn't hesitate. "It looks like they parked all their transports here. If they plan to get out again, this is it. Kaidan, can you bottle them up here?"

"No problem." Kaidan checked his assault rifle. "Let's cut a path to the side of the building."

Shots buffeted Vasir's sky-car as they opened the hatch, Kaidan putting up a barrier as they fought their way to the side of the building, tossing grapple lines they had found inside the car. 

The stomach twisting refused to leave Derek as he covered Legion down the side of the building, forcing himself to trust that Kaidan would be fine. The man was a fine soldier, a powerful biotic. This wasn't Vimire. Instead, he focused on the feat ahead of him as he used a shockwave to break through the window.

Derek had been barely able to lift a pencil before Cerberus had revived him. Still, learning how to use his biotic skills had been almost a picnic in comparison to the other, less welcome physical changes. But he rarely used his charge as more than an attack. Hell, he'd never even tried moving someone else with him.

Then again, Legion wasn't exactly an organic, and Derek's armor made it through just fine.

He had been able to move _through_ physical objects, and over chasms. What he didn't know was _how far_ -

"EDI, can you give me a schematic of the building?" They took cover behind some desks as Derek reaved a group of mercs, one with a rocket launcher. "How far are we from the security office?"

The images of the building flashed across his visor. Two halls away, five mercs in between. He could hear the report of Legion's sniper rifle behind him as he doubled back. A timer wound down in the corner of his display; they had two a half minutes left.

"Hold on," Derek ordered, grabbing the geth platform, visualizing where he wanted to go in his mind's eye, and _charged_.

~*~*~*~*~

EDI had, considerately, added a timer to Kaidan's HUD as well.

It was easy to take out the remaining guards before using their own transports for cover. The environment made it easy; his back was covered and there were plenty of ledges to shove enemies off of. By the time the countdown had lowered to three minutes, he was standing by himself. 

At two minutes, fifty seconds, he heard alarms going off throughout the building and saw civilian sky-cars lifting off from the lower floors. None of them looked to be hostiles.

At two minutes, thirty seconds, another surge of Shadow Broker forces erupted from the roof exit, four in all. He dived into cover, before hitting them first with an overload and then with another with a throw, tossing two off the building. They barely paid attention, scrambling for the transports.

Another surge of troops came out, but they were running. Kaidan snarled, hitting the two transports with an overload this time to disable their mass effect drives. They weren't going _anywhere_.

Vasir's sky-car had survived.

At a minute and thirty, Kaidan had lost his barrier and had to take cover, but his foes were in the same boat; all protections eroded. 

One minute, and a singularity appeared over the side of the building, catching Kaidan and yanking him into the air... and over the side of the building. He struggled, danced in midair before it dropped him over the half-kilometer high side of the building.

He saw Liara's expression of shock as he dropped, and realized she had been the one to form the singularity that had pulled him from cover. She hadn't known he was there.

But then there were shots, and she was gone as he fell past the lip of the roof. He slapped his communicator, trying to call for help, steer himself. Even if Liara could snag him with her own biotics she might have been able to slow him down. 

There wasn't time to swear. He tried to use his own biotics, lighten his mass, _something_ -

The force that hit his ribs drove the air from his lungs, almost cracking his armor as he was flung against the ceramic sides of the building. His momentum was checked; and he looked down at the burnished gunmetal-gray of Shepard's armor.

"Gotcha," a voice hissed in his ear, before they slid down the side of the building once again. " _Shit!_ "

Kaidan's mind registered that they were falling, before Shepard growled, wrapping his arms around Kaidan and there was a wretch, a snap and hiss and the sense that not all of his pieces were moving at the same speed and then-

~*~*~*~*~

"Never, _ever_ do that again."

Shepard would have smiled at Kaidan's tone, shocked and quivery, but he was too busy vomiting up his lunch, his breakfast, and even the memory of that last bottle of Tupari all over the paved landing pad. 

Could have been worse. He and Kaidan weren't spattered across the ground level of Illium like chunky salsa. He _could_ have phased himself and Legion into a wall when he had done that first blind biotic jump; instead, he had just been left exhausted and shaky. EDI could _not_ have informed him of Kaidan's accidental altercation with gravity, or given him the coordinates to make a second blind charge. He could have been too drained to make the third and final charge, or not managed to keep Kaidan within the mass effect field. 

Best of all, the dry heaves were easing up. At least now he knew why he had never done a biotic charge while carrying another organic until now.

That lead to why Kaidan was kneeling beside him, his bottle of energy drink in one hand, rubbing Derek's back with the other. He had also been berating Derek from the moment they had touched down.

"Really, using the Conduit was bad enough," Kaidan nattered on. Derek thought he was covering his shock at being tossed off the roof with panicked ranting. "At least the Protheans knew what they were doing when it came to moving people with mass effect fields." Derek listened, but didn't much care. He was trying to spit out the last of the bile and halt his shaking hands. While Derek knew he was no Superman, he felt like he had been hit with Kryptonite.

"It worked, didn't it?" He did feel well enough to sit back, the pain in his head and belly easing up enough for him to talk. He wiped the sweat out of his eyes with trembling fingers as Kaidan offered him the bottle, took a swig, swished it about and spat it back out. "Because if it means we're alive, and no collateral damage? I'm all for it."

"It was a good call," Liara added. She had been reviewing Sekat's data before deactivating her omni-tool with a flick of her wrist. "And with this, we should be able to get the Shadow Broker's base within a few hours." She stood up from her perch on Vasir's sky car, not looking down at Shepard. Derek was okay with that, sitting back on his ass with his legs folded under him and sipping his energy drink while trying to slow his breathing. The shaking hadn't stopped yet.

Kaidan, on the other hand, wasn't about to let things go. "What? That's all you've got to say? You didn't check your targets, got me thrown off a building, and now you're ignoring Shepard while he's laid out on the ground because he used up his reserves? Reserves he burned up coming after you because you pissed off the Shadow Broker? I mean, Liara, it's been two years and all, but that's _cold_."

"They were getting away with Sekat's data," Liara snapped back. "I had no reason to think there was anyone up here, and I couldn't count on help. I had to make a call, and it was the right one."

"Right. What if it _hadn't_ been me up here, and it was some random civilian you knocked off-"

"Shepard would have saved that person," Liara said, snidely. "Regardless of _who_ it was."

" _Enough_."

Both turned to Shepard, who had finished off the energy drink and rolled to his knees. "We're all on the same side here." Kaidan offered Derek a hand; Derek took it, hauling himself to his feet. He kept his eyes closed as his head throbbed. "And we're going to be jumping several light years. We've got time to talk."

"Talk about what?" Her voice was taut, defensive. 

"About our-"

"Our what?" her own voice rose. "Listen, Shepard, I'm glad you're here-"

"You sure have a funny way of showing it," Kaidan interrupted. "We just saved your ass and you're acting like we're some damn mercs you happened to hire. I _thought_ we were friends."

"That's not fair." Derek opened his eyes to meet Liara's regretful ones. "You were dead, and I was alone."

"I _came back_. I invited you to join us again," Derek pointed out, still not sure where she was headed with this.

"Yes, you came back," she snarled, rolling her eyes. "And if I had joined you? I'm not interested in joining your drunken orgies on the Citadel!" She stopped, lips pinching together as Shepard drew back. "Look, Shepard, I'm an information broker. I learn things, I didn't mean..." She looked to the side. Both men were staring at her, aghast. "Look, for now, let's just focus on getting Feron back."

~*~*~*~*~

They had gotten onto Hagalaz easily, finding the Shadow Broker's incredible ship as it rode the sunset storm that continuously circled the planet. They had fought their way across the ship's surface, then through the interior, finding Feron alive.

That had shocked everyone, including Liara. Yet it had given them some hope that the Shadow Broker, despite his near omniscience, was fallible. If they were keeping Feron alive, it had to be as a taunt.

Kaidan followed Derek into the Shadow Broker's den, watching the other man's face flash and thunder with anger at what the Broker had caused. It was no surprise when Derek stopped, his Carnifex snapping out to aim at the monstrous horned shadow that lurked behind the mammoth desk. Kaidan fell into position at Derek's right, while Liara covered his left. He glanced about the room, noting the dozens of data-terminals, the drone of constant voices in the shadows. It seemed a fitting place for the galaxy's puppet master.

"Here for the drell?" the voice rolled off the Broker like an earthquake, resonate enough to be felt through his boots. "Wreckless, even for you Commander."

"Your _attempt_ to bomb the Dracon Trade Center wasn't exactly subtle," Derek said, keeping his pistol trained on one of the Broker's eyes.

"Extreme, but necessary." The Broker sounded bored.

" _No it wasn't_!" Liara said, taking one step forward as she vibrated in anger. "Neither was caging Feron for two years!"

"Doctor T'Soni," the Broker acknowledged. "Tell me. Did you think if you saved the Commander, that he would come to you out of gratitude? Was the man you got back _really_ worth the effort of saving him, costing you Feron?"

Kaidan's eyes flicked over to Liara, to see her cheeks flush blue and her eyes narrow. 

"Someone was bound to come after you for working for the Collectors," Shepard said, keeping his poker face. Kaidan made a note to never bet with the Commander. 

"It was a mutual beneficial partnership. They were interested in seeing how your gene mods worked, how changes to you could be passed down to your children. Speaking of which, did you ever decide on a name?"

" _What_." Kaidan looked over in time to see Derek's pistol rattle in his hands. 

"I've been told that helps with mourning a miscarriage. Naming your lost offspring. Ashley is a unisex name, is it not?" Kaidan heard Liara make a squeak, a disbelieving sound in the back of her throat. He saw the blood drain from Derek's face.

Derek's nostril's flared. "You're going to have a hard time running a ship this size with no crew," he said, the muscles in his jaw tensed. 

"They were replaceable," the Broker tossed out. "Your arrival was barely an interruption. Enough talk. My operations are too crucial to be compromised by a traitor."

"You're quite confident for someone with nowhere left to hide," Liara answered. She looked to be recovering, regaining her lost bravado.

"You travel with fascinating companions, Doctor," the Broker said. Kaidan couldn't tell if he was smirking or not. His face was so alien that he couldn't find anything to read. "Thank you for bringing me Staff Commander Alenko. A dissection of his brain, and why he was a successful L2 implant, should be worth quite a lot on the black market."

"You're not laying a hand on anyone!"

"It's pointless to challenge me, asari." The Broker wasn't even looking at her anymore, instead shifting his attention to Derek. "I know your every secret, while you fumble in the dark." Derek inhaled, sharply.

"Is that right?" Liara murmured. "You're a yahg. A pre-spaceflight species that was quarantined to their home world, for massacring the Council's first contact teams." She looked around. "This base is older than your planet's discovery. Which probably means you killed the original Shadow Broker sixty years ago, then took over. I'm guessing you were taken from your world by a trophy hunter who wanted a slave." Her lips curved into a cruel smile. "Or a pet. How'm I doing?"

There was nothing but silence as the Broker stood two his full two meters. Kaidan couldn't help himself as he stood back, stepping behind and around Shepard, casting about for cover. He remembered the thresher maws they had taken on had seemed that tall... and they had no mako to hop about in now.

Then the Broker roared, smashing his desk and flinging the chunks.

Kaidan didn't really see the desk hit him, but he felt it. The world went gray, all sounds came from a deep tunnel. He didn't know how long he was out before a surge of medi-gel and a shock from the medical VI got him aware enough for words to make sense. 

"It's kinetically sensitive!" he heard Liara cry out as he got to his feet, seeing Derek crack his knuckles and charge the monster. There was a sharp snap of knuckles on flesh. Kaidan heard this as he staggered to his feet, saw the Broker reel from Shepard's blows. He activated his barrier and joined the rush-

In time for the Broker's shield to fling him to the side, on his back again, wind knocked from his lungs.

"Kaidan!" he heard, ears ringing, as Derek grabbed him, dragged him back to cover and used another dose of medi-gel. Sense leaked back through the world's throbbing. 

More shots, more noise as Kaidan got back to himself. Shepard was moving to the side, blasting at the Broker with his Claymore, working at wearing down his shields. The separate energy shield on his arm kept the shots from being successful; Kaidan flung out one hand to reave the Broker, making him cry out in surprise. He paused, bringing up his fortification shield again.

"Shepard, quick, while he's vulnerable!" Liara called.

Derek got in, and used another biotic punch, throwing in the energy of his own barrier into the damage. The Broker staggered back, and bringing up his arm-shield to hold Shepard back as he ran, trying to stiff arm the behemoth.

Derek went flying.

"Gotcha!" Kaidan said, though it came out a bit muffled from underneath Shepard's weight. Liara kept shooting at the Broker as the two men got up, scurrying out of the way.

"Can you get him to bring up that shield again?" Liara shouted. Her grin was fierce and wild, looking up at the massive electrical feed that powered the data feeds and served as a light source. "I've got an idea!"

Derek looked at Kaidan, who nodded at him. Kaidan hefted his assault rifle. They ran in opposite directions. The Broker kept his gaze on Shepard while Kaidan worked from behind- hit him first with a cryo-blast and then with a reave.

Derek cackled; he then ran at the Broker, who had already dropped his shield in order to bash Shepard again- 

When Derek ducked, rolling under the Broker's blow and popping up on the other side. Liara _pulled_ -

Plasma poured from the light, slamming into the Broker and blowing him into oblivion.

Kaidan found himself catching Shepard again in the force of the explosion.

There was heavy breathing, almost louder than the continual hiss of the data feeds. "You can get off me now."

"You're comfy," Derek groaned, going limp for a moment before rolling off Kaidan. "If the whole 'biotic marine' thing doesn't work out for you, you could hire yourself out as a pillow." 

"Tempting," Kaidan said, getting up and dusting himself off. "Very tempting. What should I charge you?" He laughed, helping Derek up, brushing their lips together in a sweet kiss. 

That was when he saw Liara, staring at them.

~*~*~*~*~

Derek wasn't sure what to feel about Liara's choice to become the new Broker, but right now she was crying, futilely wiping at the tears with her gloved hands.

"It's over. After two years... It's finally _over_."

Derek pulled her to his chest, stroking her back. "Shh. It's all right, Liara. It's all right." He started patting himself down, somehow finding a handkerchief in his many pockets to wipe her face. His mother had taught him well, he thought with a bit of irony. He dabbed Liara's tears as she made a weak laugh. 

"You... you never saw me as more than a child, did you?" she asked, words catching in her throat. 

Derek paused, looking around. He was both grateful and a little bit off-balance with Kaidan gone. "I saw you as a little sister. There's a difference."

"What is that?"

"No matter how grown up a little sister gets, she will always be your little sister." He kissed her forehead. "I know you're an adult, Liara." Derek sighed, crossed his arms. "And I will always be here for you. But-"

Liara twisted her fingers together, eyes cast to the side. "Shepard- what the Broker said..."

Derek cleared his throat. "You did the right thing, Liara, bringing me back." He hoped so. He prayed so. He couldn't tell her otherwise. "And everyone has fantasies of saving the one they love, and getting to ride off into the sunset. I'm just sorry I disappointed you."

"I... No. It's all right." Her face closed down. "You never knew, or understood." She rubbed her forehead. "And I never explained." 

"What am I not understanding?" Derek asked, frustrated, tired. "You've been different since I came back."

"I," and she smiled, a little weakly. "You're the exact same man I knew." She hugged him again, before wiping more tears off her face. "I spent two years mourning you and Feron." Her smile widened. "And now I've got you both back."

She turned back towards the console. "Now, let's see what we've got. No safeguards, or user restrictions. It's like he never anticipated anyone but himself being here." She turned back to Shepard, her smile broad and unabashed. "And it's all ours."

"What kind of information are we talking about?" his voice dropped, crossing his arms. "What does he have on me?"

Liara paused, her fingers dancing over the holo-keys. "I'm not sure. I'll need to go through his files. That might take awhile." She turned back to him. "Is this about what _he_ said?" She turned hesitant. "You miscarried?"

"I was surprised you hadn't heard." Derek leaned against one of the pillars, crossing his arms and closing his eyes. "Did you know about my gene mods? I mean, even the STG had found out about it, apparently."

"Yes. It wasn't easy, but I did find out about the Mindoir mods. But... I hadn't realized they had... Shepard, I'm sorry." She walked up to him, gently touching his face. "I heard about your collapse on Horizon. Was that it?"

"Yes."

"But Kaidan wasn't on board- then who was-"

Derek pinched the skin between his brows. "Liara." He pressed his lips together. He didn't remember being this tired in a long, long time. "It's complicated." He felt like a coward, but he didn't want to tell her everything. And the idea of the Broker knowing, the Broker _telling_ \- "But... please. If you find out details, and," his voice cracked. "If he sold them..."

"I'll look into it." She put her hands on Derek's shoulders. "I'll have something for you, when you come back." 

Derek opened his eyes, smiled at her and nodded. "I look forward to it."

"Come back soon. The door is always open." Her smile was more real this time.

"Don't be a stranger."

~*~*~*~*~*~

The shuttle ride back was quiet.

Derek's eyes were closed, and from the slack jaw and soft breathing, Kaidan thought he was deeply asleep. Not that he could blame the man; Kaidan was worn out himself. Life had a way of catching up with you, and Kaidan was loathe to wake him for conversation. 

He blinked. His omni-tool was flashing, indicating a new message. 

- _Kaidan, I thought you might want to see some of this. I've deleted the video. Do what you can to get him to stop torturing himself._  
 _Liara_

He glanced down at Derek, who was steadily slumping towards him, sliding against the back wall of the shuttle. Kaidan held still as Derek's chin dropped onto his shoulder... and curiosity, and not a small bit of worry, made him open the file.

It was recent intel collected on Derek. 

Shepard liked odd music, apparently. A recent playlist had an old twentieth century band called "Kansas," Frank Sinatra, and bluegrass. Very little from even this century.

Kaidan glanced down at Shepard. Well. No one was perfect.

Recent extranet searches:

Major headlines for the past two years. Councilor Anderson. Kaidan Alenko. Garrus Vakarian. Liara T'Soni. Quarians, Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. Urdnot Wrex. Derek Alexander Shepard. The Illusive Man. Ashley Williams. 

Kaidan scanned the list; Shepard had been trying to catch up on the past two years and what had happened to his crew. 

None of it seemed like torture, or even strange. Then he came to things like Jane Shepard, John and Hannah Shepard, a list of the casualties and survivors of the Mindoir massacre... The death of Commander Shepard. Okay, that might have been macabre. 

Then he saw. 

Human pregnancy, gestation at three weeks. Human pregnancy, gestation at four weeks. Human pregnancy, gestation at five weeks. Human pregnancy, gestation at six weeks. Early pregnancy symptoms. Ways to prevent miscarriage. Ways to prevent pregnancy. 

The most recent search had been for pregnancy at five months. 

Derek had also made a modest donation to an abuse survivor's support group on the Citadel. No indication that he had spoken with them in any way. Just given them ten thousand credits.

Kaidan closed his eyes. When Derek had not spoken of the miscarriage, or when Zaeed had taken advantage of him, Kaidan had thought he was fine. Well, maybe not _fine_ , but had gotten past it. The man was strong. Hell, he had handled being _dead_ better than...

He made a soft groan, remembering the sight of Derek on the med-bay bed, frozen in the midst of a flashback. 

Kaidan had been an idiot. 

But that didn't mean he had to continue to be one. He leaned over, pressed his cheek to Shepard's hair. Derek needed to talk this out, and Kaidan would be there when he was ready. Or, perhaps, a little earlier than that. This had festered long enough.

To be continued.  
Questions, comments and criticism welcome and appreciated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost to the end of this story, friends. And nine days left of nano.


	18. Chapter Eighteen: Denial

  
**Breeder**

Chapter Eighteen

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.

Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it. 

Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed. 

Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Shepard and his team ran through the first tunnel of the Collector base, dodging around parked cars and listening to the smooth, velvety voice of Frank Sinatra croon in the background.

He leaped over an old lime-green clunker, plastic sides chipped and cracked, getting into position to open the last valve so Legion could get through. Between him and the valve was a duck. Said duck quacked in pain before rising in the air, glowing cracks shining through its feathers. It announced:

**"QUACK-QUACK QUACK-QUACK QUACK."**

Fortunately, Ashley was able to drill the thing between the eyes with her sniper rifle and Derek finished it off with a shot from his Claymore, hitting it with a flaming peach. The splat was very satisfying.

Jane Shepard followed behind, using biotic throws to knock over more evil ducks. Derek grinned as his sister laughed, hitting the last valve and hearing Legion ask if he wanted fries with that.

They rushed to the far door, waiting for Legion to hack it, getting back-up from the rest of the specialists-

He backed his way through, after both Jane and Ashley slipped past and he covered their entrance. The door shut in front of him as he continued shooting the ducks as the squawked and flapped and fluttered. 

That was when Derek realized that Legion had disappeared. He couldn't hear any of his other companions, beyond Jane and Ashley standing behind him. They panted in the sudden silence, Sinatra being cut off mid-note. The smell of the place was all too familiar; blood and piss and fear. 

Derek closed his eyes, even though he could still perfectly see the door in front of him as he fought to keep his body still. He could guess, no, _he knew_ what he would find behind him. He didn't want to see another poor soul he couldn't save. Those hideous, nightmarish pods.

But his crew was back there. They needed him.

"Skipper, you better have a look at this," Ashley called. She sounded sick. Derek turned despite himself. Then he gagged.

The closet pod held Garrus. The turian was fighting his way back towards consciousness, plates moving and twitching on his unscarred face. His blue eyes opened when Derek's fists thumped the transparent front hatch, going wide when he realized his predicament. 

"Get them out of there!" he shouted, more of a squeak, and Jane and Ashley disappeared to leave him alone. Fighting to open the damn pods as Garrus screamed in pain and horror as the nano-bots swarmed over his body, eyes fixed on Shepard. "God, Garrus, _no!_ " He scrambled at the hatch, beating at it as Garrus's skin dissolved, fingers melted before his eyes. There wasn't enough time for Garrus to call his name. Just a look of pure betrayal as his body was lost, the slurry of organic material flushing away.

Kaidan was next. The entire crew, specialists and Cerberus personnel all were in those hideous, wasp-paper pods and he _couldn't get any of them out_. He beat his fists, broke the butt of his Claymore as he scrambled from pod to pod. He emptied every thermal clip, exhausted his heavy weapon ammo. Nothing worked as he watched each and every one of his crew melt into a bloody mass, all of them screaming and staring and _he couldn't save them_.

That wasn't even the worst. Jane was gone, but his brothers, his little brothers were in the last three pods. Their voices were the loudest, high and childish in their terror as they begged for him. Cried out for big brother to get them out. 

And he tried. Biotics, guns, nothing would crack the hatch. There were no seams, no weak points for him to attack as first James, then Michael squealed like dying rabbits before being silenced into nothing. 

Shepard's fists were bloodied from where he had tried to tear, to rip and punch, his weapons shattered toys as he collapsed onto the honey-combed floor. 

All that was left was Aaron. He was still so small Derek couldn't see him over the edge of the pod. He was wailing. Crying. Derek crawled to him, pressed up against the side. His hands left bloody streaks down the side of the translucent window of the alien coffin. 

"It's... I'm here, baby boy. I'm here. You're... you're here, with me. I'll never leave you again. I promise. I'm here," he said, patting the pod the way he used to pat his brother's back. He swallowed, felt himself crying, but he couldn't look. Cleared his throat, voice cracking as he tried to sing Aaron's favorite lullaby. 

"Fly me to the moon..."

~*~*~*~*~

Shepard woke with his face wet, a pool of tears under his right ear, snot over one lip. For one soul-crushing moment, he thought he was back there, in the Collector base. Then he recognized the armor locker, the fish tanks... but the image of his crew dying clung to his mind so fiercely he was convinced he had made it back. He was the only survivor. Everyone else was dead.

Despair choked him, before he felt warm breathing against his neck. Then he noticed the arm slung over his waist and went limp with relief. Kaidan was there. Alive. In his bed. That meant the rest of his crew was all right.

Just another dream, another nightmare. Nausea was already churning in his stomach. He picked up Kaidan's arm to ease out of the bed, knowing what would come next. 

The moment he sat up he clapped one hand over his mouth, springing to his feet and leaping towards the bathroom. The door hissed open and shut and he hit his knees before the toilet, bowing over the rim and heaving bile and anything that remained of his dinner into the bowl. He coughed, took a deep breath and then repeated the process. He continued retching, dry heaves shaking his stomach as he struggled with the mental picture of-

He slammed a lid on the memory of the dream. Yet the beast inside squirmed and writhed, bucking against the top, and he groped for anything, _anything_ else to think about. 

"You're preggers."

It was enough to stop the heaves, though tears still streamed down his cheeks as wiped at the sore mess of his face. _What the hell? I am not!_

It was too easy to imagine Jane, sitting across from him, wearing her heart boxers and gray tank top, looking as worried as the time she had given him food poisoning. She'd sat with him as he had thrown up for most of the night. She always did have a way of pointing out things that he didn't want to see.

_I can't be. I started bleeding the next week._

"More implantation bleeding, like last time."

_Kaidan and I used condoms every fucking time!_ He didn't have to speak to her; she wasn't really there. But damn, even if it he was half asleep and dreaming, it was good to talk to her. _We're not idiots, we used them correctly. They never broke._

"You were begging for _both_ Kaidan and Garrus bareback, remember?" She watched him get to his feet, heading towards the sink to splash water on his face. 

_I took a morning after pill as soon as I woke up. Not more than five hours after the first time._ Derek put his face under the tap, getting a mouthful and spitting it out again. He grabbed for his toothbrush.

"You said it yourself. 'Nothing standard seems to work on me,'" she replied. Derek looked up to see her in the mirror. Always young, always sixteen, always on the edge of fury or laughter. "You drank poison that had some guy vomiting and pissing blood, then _dead_ and the worst you got was unconscious. Not even a stomach ache afterwards. Your standard issue implant just didn't do its job. And you thought a generic morning after pill would _work_?"

_Mordin said it would_.

"You didn't ask Mordin if some random pill you found in a love hotel was enough to do the job." Her tone was scornful, even mocking.

_Jane, I_ can't _be pregnant._

"You've thrown up three nights running. You got dizzy looking down at Hermes Station. You're _crying_." Her arms were crossed, eyes narrowed. "You never cried even when you broke your leg climbing after me. The only time you ever cried was when Aaron died."

_Stress. I woke up after being dead for two years. Suddenly I'm a biotic as well as going through the change and I'm working for Cerberus. And, oh yeah, I've got the weight of the fucking galaxy on my shoulders because I know exactly what the Reapers want to do to us. I think I've earned the right to a break down._

Jane snorted in disgust, then pointed at his middle.

Derek blinked, putting down his toothbrush. Looked down at himself. His belly, which had for years been a chiseled, solid washboard... was still defined, but softer. A small bulge, just a bit of padding, below his navel. 

He swallowed, then went back to brushing his teeth. _It's psychosomatic_.

"Are you _listening_ to yourself?" If he had wanted to distract himself from that nightmare, he had done one hell of a job. He finished brushing, then spat in the sink. His mental image of Jane was hopping up and down. "You would rather be out of your goddamn mind instead of admit that you _might_ be pregnant? Why don't you just settle it? Go to Doctor Chakwas and ask for a pregnancy test. Get an answer instead of talking to yourself at 0300!"

"I _can't_ be pregnant," Derek repeated as he glanced up into the mirror. Jane was gone. He unconsciously brushed his hand over the bulge; it felt warmer than the surrounding flesh. He shuddered, leaning against the wall and gulping air. 

Going back to sleep was out of the question. He rinsed his mouth one more time before wiping his face with a towel. As he walked out of the bathroom he checked the clock; it was barely past 0300. Kaidan was still asleep, breathing deep and even. That was a relief. Kaidan deserved his rest.

Shepard dragged himself into his fatigues, scooped up a PDA with some reports off his desk and headed down to the crew deck. 

They had intercepted an emergency transmission from one of Cerberus' bases, working on something called Project: Overlord. A strange experiment in forcing a human mind into the geth consciousness and attempting to harness their religious impulses, the whole mess had left a filthy taste in Derek's mouth. That anyone could use their own brother against his will... Derek shook his head to clear it. No wonder he was having nightmares. After what he had learned about how David was treated, Shepard had nearly beaten Dr. Archer's face into pulp.

He crossed into the med-bay, noting that David was asleep on one of the beds. The young man was resting well. David had been catatonic after they had first gotten him out of the interface, but he had been in no pain since, calm and peaceful. They were on their way to Grissom Academy, and he hoped they would be able to do something for the young man's fractured mind.

Derek left, walking back out towards the painfully empty crew deck. He missed the sounds of his specialists and ex-Cerberus crew talking. 

Zaeed had been the first, taking his pay and leaving without a backward glance. Derek was fine with that. Kasumi had been the next, simply disappearing the next time they were on the Citadel, with a rose left on Derek's console in goodbye. Thane had been next, claiming to want to spend more time with his son. Derek had given his blessing and wished them well. Grunt had been dropped on Tuchanka with an order to be good and listen to Wrex, on pain of being ignored. The krogan youngster had been shocked, but promised to listen to his battlemaster. Samara had left soon after, asking to be left on Omega. Legion had gone their way after that, saying they were needed back in geth space.

Oddly, Jack was still on board. 

When Derek had asked her, she had shrugged. "Three hots and a cot. And you aren't going to stab me in the back any time soon. Plus I get fap material watching you kiss your hottie biotic boy-toy." She leered at him. "Good fap material, too."

He been torn between making a joking offer for her to watch or retreating. Given that he had no idea how Kaidan felt about exhibitionism, he decided to retreat. 

There was no one in the Port Side Lounge when he walked inside, wondering if a drink might help calm his nerves. He grabbed a random bottle, pouring something pink into a glass and picking it up... Then he put it down just as quickly. It smelled foul.

In his mind's eye, Jane was smirking, ticking off the list of early symptoms. Sensitivity to strong scents.

Derek closed his eyes, taking another slow, deep breath. Forced his panic back down. He couldn't be pregnant. He couldn't be. If he was, he would have to _do_ something about it.

There was a jar of olives for martinis behind the counter, three quarters empty. He had been picking at it for the past week. He popped it open, grabbed a toothpick and started eating them as he sat down on a bench, scrolling through the reports on his datapad. Nothing useful, or new. Miranda had most things handled before they even crossed his desk. Putting the PDA down, he opened his omni-tool to check his email.

"Still no word from Garrus?" a sleepy voice rasped behind him, and Shepard turned around. Kaidan was there, one hand in his mussed black hair and eyelids heavy. "It's been two months."

"No." Derek sighed, deactivating his omni-tool. "I miss him."

"Me too," Kaidan said, though he sounded surprised by that. He sat on the bench next to Derek. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Derek answered, automatically, eyes on his omni-tool. Kaidan scooted closer, reaching over to put his finger under Shepard's chin so to tilt his head up towards Kaidan. 

"It's the third time I've woken up by myself. Tonight I actually heard you crying in your sleep." His hazel-gold eyes searched Derek's. "Talk to me. You listen to everyone pour out their life stories, their worries. Let me return the favor." He shifted his weight, sliding his leg up against Shepard's. Derek had to crane his neck around to look at him. "You never talk about how you feel about, well, anything. It took me and Garrus practically holding a gun on you to talk about Zaeed. You never said how you felt about the miscarriage. When the Shadow Broker brought it up... well. You cracked."

Derek winced. "I'm okay, Kaidan. Really."

"You sure about that?" he said, looking down at Derek's hands. They had clamped down on the datapad, hard enough to bend the casing. "Because that doesn't look okay to me."

"What do you want me to say, Kaidan?" Derek felt his frustration rise. "That I mourned? I let another Shepard down? That even though I knew I couldn't keep it, didn't want _Zaeed's_ kid, suddenly I-" he clamped his lips together. 

Kaidan blinked, then put his large hands over Derek's. "Go on?"

"Nothing more to it," Derek croaked. He felt like a vice was clamped down on his ribs. 

Kaidan frowned, but ran his thumb over the back of Derek's hand. "You didn't want to have Zaeed's kid. But..?"

" _Kaidan_ , this has got nothing to do with-"

The other man curled himself around Shepard, pulling Derek's back to his chest, putting his chin on Derek's shoulder. "You _want_ to have a baby?" He kissed Derek's ear, put his hands over Derek's belly. "You want to have _my_ baby?"

"What I _want_ has nothing to do with it." God, it was hard to breath. "The Reapers are coming and it would be cruel to put an innocent in the middle of that."

"What we want isn't always rational. What do you want, Derek?" Kaidan's hands rubbed in slow circles around his navel. 

"I can't have what I want, Kaidan." His head hung, breath coming in soft, panicked gulps. "I have the mission. Stop the Reapers. I can't have anything else. It will just get taken from me."

"Answer the question." Kaidan's arms tightened, and his voice rose. "Do you want to have my baby?"

Shepard doubled over. "Yes," he whispered, then made a muffled keen. " _Yes_."

Kaidan just held him, for several minutes, rocking Derek back and forth as he started to cry again. He couldn't stop himself as the hot rush made his face blotchy and raw, but... it felt good. He had said it. Kaidan wasn't running away like Shepard was some kind of freak. 

"It's okay. It's okay," Kaidan said, over and over again. "I- I'm surprised, but damn." Kaidan kept rubbing Derek's belly and he tried to _not_ imagine what it might look like in four, five, eight months. "The idea is a bit mind-blowing, you know."

"Stupid hormones." He couldn't stop crying. "Dammit. Why wouldn't you be surprised? Hell." Shepard took a long, sobbing breath. "I was. Shocked me, the first time it crossed my mind that... yes." He relaxed, putting his hands over Kaidan's. He tried to laugh. "You had just finished lifting Tonn Actus and taken out two snipers with an overload. I'm not sure if I said anything, but I know I thought it. 'I want to have that man's babies.' I was joking- and then I realized that I actually wasn't." His laughter was a hollow tap against the silence of the lounge. "You're... you're damn sexy when you're controlling a battlefield."

"Oh?" Kaidan's voice was warbling between amusement and shock. "I think I remember that. I thought you were teasing me, then you wouldn't talk to me the rest of the day. I didn't realize it had bothered you so much." He kissed Shepard's shoulder. "Commander Shepard wants to have my baby." His voice trembled. "Are you also saying you want me to... stick around long enough for a family?"

Derek froze, his fingers tightening on Kaidan's hands hard enough to make the bones creak. Kaidan didn't flinch.

"Don't. Please don't. You start talking about something I _want_ , it will just get taken away from me." Derek looked away. "Hell. Just look at what happened with Garrus. I had a chance with both of you and-"

"He's going to come back." Kaidan curled around him. "He's going to come back, and we'll figure this mess out, and when we've kicked the Reapers back to hell we'll find some place to retire and work on making little Shepards." He kissed Derek's shoulder, shifting the other man in his lap. Derek went still when he felt a heavy, hard lump pressed against his ass. "God. You have any idea how hot that idea is?"

Derek arched against him, crooning in surprise when Kaidan ran his hands up to his nipples, giving them rough pull. "You're okay with this? Hell, when we started this, we were two guys." He whimpered when Kaidan drew one hand over his half-hard cock. "Not... a guy and whatever the hell I am."

"You're still Shepard." Kaidan laughed quietly. "And yeah, this is weird. But I think I would love you no matter what gender or sex you are." He nipped Shepard's ear. "And you want me. Biggest badass in the galaxy wants me to give him a child. Yeah, that makes me happy. Scares the hell out of me, but it makes me happy."

Derek tilted his head to the side, making a heartfelt sigh when Kaidan's lips found his, an ugly knot that had been plaguing him for so damn long loosened. He twisted around, straddled Kaidan's lap, and grabbed at shirt to yank over Kaidan's head. Kaidan squeezed Shepard's ass-

" _Commander. Urgent message from Admiral Hackett_ ," EDI said, popping into existence beside the view port. 

Both men stopped, Kaidan's hands down Derek's pants. "How urgent?"

" _He is requesting to speak with you alone, and is not using regular Alliance channels._ "

"Shit." Shepard got off Kaidan's lap, gaze lingering on Kaidan's naked chest. He licked his lips. "We'll continue this conversation later."

Derek straightened his rumpled fatigues, smiled weakly at Kaidan. "

~*~*~*~*~*~

_"They want you to go on a covert mission in batarian space?" Kaidan asked, as he sat next to Derek on the shuttle that would drop both himself and David Archer at Grissom Academy. "Isn't that like asking a bull not to break things in a china shop?"_

_"Nice to see your respect for my skills," Derek answered, but his humor was subdued. He was distracted, rubbing at his belly. "I have a bad feeling about this." Kaidan was happy to see that the other man had recovered his equilibrium after his previous tears; Kaidan thought that admitting he had wanted something other than military life had helped._

_The thought of Derek wanting his child had left him a little giddy, a lot scared, and very overwhelmed. He given up on the idea of ever starting a family. They just had to make it through the Reapers. That thought quickly sobered him, dragging his feet back to earth._

_"Looks routine enough. Get in, get out, and get the evidence. I wish I could go with you." He sat back, twiddling his thumbs. Kaidan was still Alliance, and was told that he couldn't have official knowledge of this operation. That did_ not _make him happy._

_"Me, too." Derek's face stayed neutral, though his shoulders sagged. "Hackett said I could come get you after the mission was over." He shifted in his seat. "I'll leave for the Bahak system immediately after I've dropped you off. Hopefully this won't take more than a day or two." There was an edge of worry to his voice that made Kaidan look up, and inspect Derek's pale green eyes._

_"Be careful."_

~*~*~*~*~

Object Rho reminded Derek of the spiders he had seen once in a book on Earth zoology, when he was a boy. All large and spindly, smooth and chitinous, wisps of dark energy dancing along its twisted form. In the dim of the lab, its bright pinpricks of light stabbed at his eyes as a headache started around his amp port. Most frightening of all, it was completely unshielded.

" _You have the Reaper artifact just sitting here, out in the open?_ ” Shepard said, voice strained with anger and dread as he turned to Doctor Kenson in disbelief. She had told him they knew what they were doing, what they were dealing with. Were they that stupid, or..? _Fuck_.

"When we found it, it showed me a vision of the Reapers arrival," Doctor Kenson spoke softly, almost a sing-song. All lines on her face, even parts that were bruised and bloodied from her incarceration, were lifted in a gentle, rapturous smile. Shepard looked over his shoulder as his mind ran through scenarios. Obviously indoctrinated. Could he talk her around like he did with Saren? Hackett had made Kenson sound like a strong-willed woman. Perhaps..?

"Kenson," he said, backing towards the door. The headache was getting worse. "This is not good."

"Give it a moment, Shepard," she cooed. She hadn't even bothered to look at him as he shifted his weight. "It will give you the proof you need."

He looked back up at it, reaching for his pistol when the flickering tongues of dark energy struck him, licking up and down his spine and into his brain and he saw 

_-Reapers. Fleets of them. Hitting this relay and-_

_-a boy, staring at him with dull blue eyes-_

Shepard dropped like a puppet with his strings cut, thoughts scattered, as Kenson trained her Predator pistol on his head. 

"I can't let you stop it, Shepard," she said, fanatical, almost gleeful. "I can't let you stop the Arrival." Project soldiers filed in, seemingly from nowhere.

Shepard bowed his head, before whipping around and bending Kenson's wrist to disarm her. He grabbed for his Claymore, but was forced to duck into cover as Kenson limped away.

_Fuck, double fuck, fuckity fuckity_ \- The room had plenty of cover. He looked at the clumps of troops working their way towards his position, and Shepard made a choice.

He had been working with Jack and Samara, not to mention Miranda and Kaidan, in the past two months to strengthen his biotics. Since he had tried using his barrier as a boost for a blast on Illium, had gotten a few ideas. 

He hadn't had time to field test them yet. But given how damn _many_ were there- Shepard focused on the closest pyro, and charged him. The man was knocked back, winded and likely concussed, before Shepard grabbed all the energy of his barrier and forced it to explode as he punched the ground. 

The pain in his head turned into words. _Do not resist. Give yourself over, and be spared._

It took out the two closest guards as well as the pyro, but wiped out his barriers. Shepard rolled into cover, discarding his Claymore and the Arc Projector with a twinge. He needed to use this ability fast, and the weight would slow him down. When he could charge again, he did.

The new ability helped him flatten clumps of the guards as he finished off others with his pistol, but the troops never seemed to end. Wave after wave, they just kept coming.

"Shepard won't go down!"

Let them believe it, Shepard thought, reeling back from a flash-bang. Looking for an exit was a lost cause; they were both locked and bypassing the two doors would leave him exposed. He couldn't find a moment to breathe, much less use any of the consoles in the room. Adding to that, the headache was crawling up from his port and around his skull. His vision throbbed with the heat as a pyro snuck up on him, burning through his shields. Shepard reeled, beating at the flames, trying not to panic before slamming into the pyro, then breaking the man's neck.

Then they brought in the YMIR mech.

_Your galaxy is in sight. Your final days are at hand._ An unnatural feeling of dread iced his stomach.

Shepard dived back for the Arc Projector, clearing out a space around him as he aimed and fired it, shocking the remaining troops and taking out half of the mech's shields. He let his barrier absorb the mech's assault cannon fire, then ducked its missile as more troops were sent in. 

_The end of your species will come_. Good to know that evil still enjoyed being chatty.

He growled, hitting the medigel, before firing another salvo with the Arc Projector before switching to his pistol to take out its armor. He then closed in, swallowing hard as he took more damage to his barriers. He was surrounded by the remaining troops, inching in closer and closer. He used another dose of medigel as his barriers wore away.

_Struggle if you wish, your mind will be mine._

Then he charged, jumping across the room, turning and firing his pistol, aiming at the YMIR mech's eye sensor. 

The head blew, the mech falling to its knees and dropping to the ground. Its internal reactor overloaded as Shepard dived for cover, the nearby troops all doing the same. Then it exploded, going off like a small nuke, complete with mushroom cloud. 

The last of the troops were gone, bodies in tattered embers, along with a good chunk of the room. The Reaper artifact was untouched. Shepard scrambled for the doors, omni-tool out to bypass the lock.

_You shall be the first to witness our arrival._

The pain reached out to grab the back of his skull before blackness took him.

The last thing he saw was Kenson, eyes glowing, and speaking with the voice of the Reaper artifact. _Take him to the med bay and patch him up. We want Shepard alive._

~*~*~*~*~

_"Wake up, Derek."_

_He was sitting under his favorite old paper bark tree, could smell rain in the humid air. Ashley was sitting on his lap, curled up, face pressed into his shoulder as he petted her hair._

_"Jane?" he looked up, still petting the sleeping Ashley. "What-"_

_She was older. A grown woman; scars drew lines through her left brow and over her nose. She was wearing his Kestrel armor as she hefted her assault rifle and loomed over him. He blinked._

_"You need to wake up." The sky roiled behind her, a Reaper shriek making the ground vibrate. "Get up and get out of here."_

_"Here?" he blinked, straining as he picked up Ashley. Somehow, she stayed asleep. The trees whipped in the wind, and Jane twisted around to start firing at the trees. Or rather, at the small shadow of a human boy that flitted through the trees._

_"Wake up!"_

~*~*~*~*~*~

"...looks like it's about nine weeks. Healthy. Huh. Looks like Shepard's-" a blond medic muttered to herself, pacing back and forth in through the Project's med-lab.

Derek felt like his eyes were creaking, like his entire body was weighed down with lead. He grunted, his stomach roiling with familiar nausea, and rolled off the med-table. He held it in, swallowing, getting his head up to scan the situation.

"No glitch! The sedatives aren't working!" the woman squeaked when Shepard glared at her. " _Security!_ "  


The two guards didn't have time as Shepard hit them both with a raw, angry biotic blast. They were knocked down, knocked out, and he scooped up a pistol off the body of one. The medic, on the other side, activated a containment field and crossed her arms. She sniffed, smug.

Derek grunted, bracing himself against a terminal as he threw up bile. That was a blessing, as after that one heave he was able to straighten and start searching for a way out. He rifled through everything, sent a shockwave at the glass- didn't work. He continued searching, heading back into the lab. His own readouts were on the holo-displays; he skimmed over them, pausing when he noticed a light blinking over his abdomen. He dismissed it as unimportant; he didn't have the time.

His eyes lit on the mech interface, set between the two holo readouts. "Shepard, step away from the terminal!" the medic screeched, as Shepard brought up the interface. 

Driving the mech felt like driving the damn hammerhead, unnatural and ungainly, but he was able to cut down the medic and the other security mechs. Getting the fuse box to blow was easy enough as well, and then he was out. 

He looked up, head swimming as he staggered to find his weapons and armor, trying to find the exit. His stomach rumbled and his throat burned as he swallowed, and not just from the bile. He didn't know how long he had been unconscious, but they hadn't bothered to keep him hydrated or fed.

There was a PDA that the medic had dropped. He paused, taking a deep breath as he picked it up.

"We've had to switch the type of sedative to a safer one when we ran a blood screen to see why the sedative wasn't working and had to keep increasing the dosage over the past two days. Needless to say, it caused a stir when the scan came back showing high levels of hCG. I did an ultrasound to confirm, and yes, it's looks like it's about nine weeks. Healthy. Huh. Looks like Shepard's-" The recording cut off, and Derek nearly dropped the data pad.

His hands shook as he brought up the ultrasound image. His breath caught, swallowed. It looked like... "Hello, little bean," Derek whispered, and glanced down at his belly. "Not much of a view, but, um," he trailed off, putting the PDA down. "Make yourself at home."

He braced himself against the wall as a moment of light-headedness passed over him; he needed to get out of there, and get some food, soon. "We need to get out of here." He was already talking to his stomach. Yes, this boded well for his future sanity. "And you better not complain."

He found an armor locker, one that had his weapons as well as his armor stowed inside. A lucky break; if it hadn't been his, he would have been in trouble. 

Fighting his way to the living quarters was mostly a blur. He recalled bashing his way through at least four, six maybe, on his way to find the kitchen. When he did, he ransacked the place, finding a bottle of Tupari and a bag of sugar, some cereal and roasted soy beans. None of it was appealing, but he forced himself to drink the Tupari mixed with extra sugar for the energy boost and took the soy beans along with him, chewing handfuls as he went. 

Not the best way to deal with two days of dehydration and fasting, but he would deal. He had to get out of there. His life, and the little bean's, depended on that. And damn if he was going to let another Shepard down.

To be continued.  
Comments, questions and criticism welcome and encouraged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking of doing some rewriting on the next two chapters, so expect them to be posted longer than my typical 2-4 day period. Plus, still, Nano. And then visiting family I don't particularly like. Yay!


	19. Chapter Nineteen: Inescapable

  
**Breeder**

Chapter Nineteen

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.

Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it. 

Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed. 

Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Paranoia laid an ugly blanket over his mind as he continued through Project Base. Every time he ran into one of those damn research logs, any note from a Project employee, he had to wonder if that tingle on the back of his neck was real. He remembered the voice of the artifact _in his head-_

He shook himself, using his new nova trick to take out another pyro. The same paranoia had him barely using the nova, keeping in cover and taking a slow pace as he shot down foes. Couldn't risk his usual brawler tactics. He couldn't risk a blow to the abdomen. 

He gnawed his way through another handful of soybeans, before swallowing a swig of his over-sweet Tupari. His blood sugar was still low; his thoughts were rattling around in his skull, having to find space around the headache. His body felt heavy, clumsy and too small for his armor.

_Have to focus._

Getting to Project Control had only taken twenty minutes; somehow it felt like so much longer as he listened to the chatter between Kenson and her troops. The words _'Shepard is tearing us apart!'_ made him want to laugh. Only half the troops were bringing their A game; the other half seemed to be stumbling over themselves. Shepard had to wonder if they were fighting their indoctrination. It was a hope, but one he couldn't depend on.

_"Welcome to Project Control,"_ the VI stated as the holo-interface came up. Shepard looked at it blankly for a moment. Yet there was no choice, here.

"I want to activate the Project," he said, voice steady. He almost didn't recognize himself. His mind tried to reject the sheer size of the number scrolling across the screen. Three hundred four thousand, nine hundred forty-two. All gone, in one button push.

_"Warning. Activating the Project will result in an estimated three hundred five thousand causalities. Do you wish to continue?" ___

___They're batarians, who gives a shit?_ _ _

__Shepard rocked back, swallowed. "I do," he said, talking at his belly. "I'm sorry, little bean. You don't deserve a mo- a da- a parent who has done this." He jabbed his finger into the interface, staggering back as the Project's engines revved, propelling them forward._ _

___"Project activation in progress. Warning: Collision with mass relay imminent. Begin activation procedures."_ _ _

__Derek paused, hand over his belly, before hitting the com button. He could call Joker, get them both out of there..._ _

__"Alert: All colonists living in the Bahak system. This is-"_ _

__" _Shepard, no, do you have any idea what you've_ done?" Kenson snapped, interrupting and cutting off Shepard's transmission. Her eyes were wide, whites bright and vivid against a face that was flushed red with rage. "You leave me no choice. If we can't stop this asteroid, it must be destroyed!"_ _

__Derek turned away from her. "Tell me where to find Doctor Amanda Kenson," he asked the VI. The reactor core module, was the answer. He nodded to himself._ _

__"An eezo core meltdown should do it," Kenson spat, eyes accusing. "Because of _you_ , everyone on this rock will be obliterated!"_ _

__Derek twitched, before turning and taking off towards the door. "Not if I get to you first," he said under his breath._ _

____

~*~*~*~*~*~

Shepard wondered if indoctrination affected each individual differently. Kenson was far more fanatical than Saren was, speaking of "Reaper blessings." Then again, if whatshername, that asari, had been correct? The more useful the tool, the slower the indoctrination. Kenson must have been deemed disposable.

He had managed to manually disable the reactor meltdown, before receiving another taunt from Kenson. "You've done nothing, Shepard! I can still override power to the engines! Try to stop me!" she howled. 

"I'm so glad to have your permission," Derek muttered, heading down the last elevator to the engine room. He dashed inside, training his Kassa Locust on the woman before him. "Step away from the reactor!"

Doctor Kenson was a mess. Every line of her was panicked as she flailed at the engine console. Tears ran down her face. These were not tears of frustration: this was pure, all out bawling in grief, with raw blotches and streams of mucus down her face. "You've ruined everything!" She wheeled around to look at Shepard, unconcerned by the SMG pointed at her head. " _I can't hear the whispers anymore!_ "

"Kenson, talk to me." Come on, listen, don't make me kill you. "You're indoctrinated-"

"You've taken them away from me," Kenson mumbled. Her eyes were darting around, pupils blow wide. Her skin was slick with sweat, hands and body shaking as she lifted a detonator. She flicked open the cover, fixing her wild gaze back to Shepard's face. "I'll never see the Reaper's arrival. All you had to do was _stay asleep_. None of this had to-"

Shepard fired, the single round from the Locust burning a clean hole through Kenson's head as she dropped to the floor-

-thumb depressing the detonator button-

~*~*~*~*~

_The stars were bright in the ink-black sky._

_Derek was laid out, Aaron's small, curly head tucked under his chin as he listened to the night. No birds, no animals stirred the dry leaves under the brush. Wind made the branches creak and sway, obscuring the twinkling lights._

_"...show me what spring is like..."_

_Singing usually worked. Aaron wasn't crying anymore, just whimpering softly as his tears made a warm puddle against Derek's neck._

_"...Jupiter and Mars..."_

_Derek couldn't feel his legs._

_It was so damn cold. The searing pain from earlier was gone, replaced by the cold stickiness of his own blood. But he kept patting Aaron's back, all the same. Even when he stopped moving._

_Even when he stopped breathing._

_"...hold my hand..."_

_He paused when he heard a soft rustle in the undergrowth. A moment later, the stars were blotted out by the dim outline of a young boy. ___

____

~*~*~*~*~

_"Warning: Collision imminent. Warning: Collision imminent."_

Pain was what woke Shepard more than anything else; the tingling, pins and stabbing feeling around his amp port and... the deep, bruised ache in his back and belly.

Panic blanked his mind. He got to his knees, doubled over as he held himself. "No, no, no, no, no no no no." He wheezed, "Stay with me. Stay with me." He shook, dosing himself with medi-gel to numb the pain. "I don't want to lose you, too. Just... hold on. I'll get us out of here. I promise."

The VI continued droning its warning as he limped towards the nearest console. "Joker, this is Shepard. I need a pickup. _Now_."

_"Communication system damaged."_

"Dammit!" He punched the console, before pacing back and forth, rubbing his face as he tried to think.

_"Evacuation protocols are in effect. All personnel report to the escape shuttles." _Derek punched his fist into his palm.__

__"Where can I find an escape shuttle?" Twenty-eight minutes left. Shit._ _

__He half ran towards the elevator, listening to the VI's directions as he made his way to the Com Tower and the landing pad. His stomach still ached, a dull throb, but he felt none of the tearing or hot wetness between his legs when he had miscarried before._ _

__Didn't matter. Still had to make it off this damn rock. He sealed his helmet before heading out to the minimal atmo of the outside._ _

__The first thing he saw was the Alpha Relay growing on the horizon, then the soldiers firing and wailing about the last shuttle leaving. Had the circumstances been different, Shepard might have offered to help them escape in return for their surrender; but that was not on the table. Not when it came to indoctrination. He had to-_ _

__Ah. An YMIR mech. On top of finding out that the Reapers were twenty minutes away, he was on an asteroid hurtling towards a mass relay, he was _pregnant_ and trying to stay that way, and now he had to fight a large death machine. Finally, something easy to deal with._ _

__The same trick worked twice, as he used his Arc Reactor to kill both shields and shock the majority of the remaining troops before finishing it off with a headshot and letting the resulting conflagration take out the remaining troops. Nice to end the day on a bang, he thought with dark, somewhat hysterical humor as he leapt over a rail. He jogged the rest of the way to the com relay, fingers twitching over interface._ _

__"Shepard to Normandy. Joker, do you read me?"_ _

__Out of the corner of his eye, a golden shape materialized. Four eyes glowed as it multiple legs reached out. The shape of a Reaper, in the voice of a being Derek knew._ _

___**SHEPARD. YOU HAVE BECOME AN ANNOYANCE.** _ _ _

__He wasn't sure if it was fascination, dread, or just simple bull-headed Shepard-ness that made him cross the tarmac towards the massive projection. But he wanted to see what he faced, the enemy that had picked him out of the throng of humanity as a nemesis. This machine that had decided to hurt him, personally, because Shepard had been the one to defy it._ _

___**YOU FIGHT AGAINST INEVITABILITY. DUST STRUGGLING AGAINST COSMIC WINDS.** _ _ _

__And evil still got chatty. For monsters that wanted to be on the level of Cthulhu, Harbinger seemed to want to convince Derek of their superiority._ _

___**THIS SEEMS A VICTORY TO YOU. A STAR SYSTEM SACRIFICED. BUT EVEN NOW, YOUR GREATEST CIVILIZATIONS ARE DOOMED TO FALL. YOUR LEADERS WILL BEG TO SERVE US.** _ _ _

__A victory? No. Never that. "Maybe you're right." God, he was tired. "Maybe we can't win this. But we'll fight you regardless. Just like we did with Sovereign." Derek put his hand on his belly. "Just like I'm doing now. However 'insignificant' we may be, we will fight and we will sacrifice, and we _will_ find a way." He felt himself smile, even if it was without humor. "That's what humans do."_ _

___**KNOW THIS AS YOU, AND YOUR OFFSPRING, DIE IN VAIN. YOUR TIME WILL COME. YOUR SPECIES WILL FALL.** _ _ _

__Derek's knees went weak. They _knew.__ _

___**PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR THE ARRIVAL.** _ _ _

___They knew._ _ _

__The image of Harbinger faded as Joker interrupted the conversation. "Commander Shepard, Normandy inbound for pickup!"_ _

__Shepard bolted, running towards the Normandy airlock as she glided in, leaping across the gap and calling for Joker to get them the _fuck_ out of there. _ _

____

~*~*~*~*~

The Bahak system was gone. Shepard had watched it go on the galaxy map, because there was nothing else he could do for the people there. They were gone. He had just condemned over three hundred thousand ( _batarians_ ) people to die. He tried to feel something, but at the moment he felt nothing. His mind groped for meaning, for a reaction. He was surprised he hadn't vomited again, or passed out. Instead, his head, everything, felt swathed in cotton batting.

His eyes dried out as he kept staring at the galaxy map. He could hear words in the background, rustles and whispers as the ex-Cerberus crew milled around him. Their voices were dull, dim echoes coming the outside. He didn't react until Joker touched his hand.

"Commander?" the pilot asked, leaning on the rail beside Shepard, trying to find his eyes. "Look at me, Commander." 

His headache was returning. "The Reapers were coming. I think I hit them with a rock." That was only part of it, why they had to get away. His knees were trembling. "They know I've got a bean."

Joker's eyebrows were hidden under his hat. "The Reapers want your bean." He mouthed something, before shaking his head.

"Yes." Shepard's gaze drifted back to the galaxy map. "I'm sorry." His fingers tightened on the rail. "I had to stop them."

"Where is your bean?" he saw Joker look off to the side at Kelly, who shrugged back at him. "We want to make sure it's safe, right?" Shepard wondered why he sounded like he was talking to a crazy person. "Is it, um, a magic bean? Did you, you know, trade a cow for it?"

"What? No. The bean's right here." He patted his abdomen. "It least, it was." He felt a strange flutter there. Derek shivered, taking off his breather helmet. Touched his face. It was wet.

"Commander, maybe you should go see Doctor Chakwas?" Kelly, who had stayed silent up until that point, carefully spoke up. "You sound very... tired. I'm sure she can help you find your bean."

Derek nodded, swaying forward and back before walking towards the elevator. 

He half-heard Kelly hiss at Joker, who grunted and shuffled into the elevator after him. Shepard punched at the controls.

"So, um, Commander. Lost your beans? Or maybe your marbles?" Joker asked, as the elevator opened in Engineering, to a very surprised looking Tali and Jack. "Hey, guys! We're going to the med-bay. Want to come with us? Please? I kinda need the moral support." Both women, seeing something Derek didn't, edged into the elevator. Jack's brown eyes were huge, and Tali began wringing her hands.

"Shepard? What happened?" Tali asked, haltingly. "You were gone for almost three days." Derek cringed when she tried to touch his face.

"I destroyed a star system," Derek answered. Tali hissed; both Joker and Jack swore. He ignored that, still feeling numb and detached. "And I'm pregnant."

He heard voices buzzing behind him as he walked out the elevator. _Damn. Did he get hit in the head? Keelah, do you think he meant it? Tali, Shepard's a man. Human men can't have babies. Heh. Shows what you know about him. Keelah, how did you find out? Wait, fuck, who told_ you?

Miranda was waiting on them. Shepard nodded to her, walking past, shedding his armor, and into the med-bay before stopping in front of Doctor Chakwas. She looked up at him, nonplussed. "Can I help you, Commander?" she asked, standing. She glanced back at Shepard's entourage, still arguing with each other.

"Is the bean okay?" he asked, plucking at the shirt over his abdomen in worry. He had promised. He didn't like breaking his promises. 

"I don't know, Commander," Chakwas answered, calm despite the situation. She walked towards him and took his arm to steer him towards a bio-bed. He allowed it, because this was Chakwas. "But I'll find out. First, however, I need to check you over for injuries. You look to have several abrasions. I need to see if there is anything else." Derek sat, and Chakwas urged him to lay down. Miranda walked over, looking at Derek and Chakwas, then flipping on her own omni-tool. 

Derek felt the faint warmth of the medical scanners as Chakwas applied an IV patch. Miranda had taken a syringe and drew some blood from one of the veins in his left hand. She sent the dab through a scanner, and-

"Oh. Oh dear."

"Lawson?" Chakwas asked, turning towards the younger woman. Miranda handed her the scanner readout. Her own eyebrows hit her hairline. "Well. Well. At least we aren't dealing with disease or poison. Looks like the worst so far is hypoglycemia and dehydration."

"Hm," Miranda murmured, pulling up Shepard's shirt and placing a sensor on his abdomen. A projection of Derek's uterus appeared, with a small hollow around a twitching fetus, small limbs waving back and forth. 

Tali cooed. Jack laughed. Joker's jaw just about hit the floor before he mouthed _holy shit_. Shepard jumped, rising up on one elbow.

"I felt it move," he muttered, trying to sit back up. "Is- can I do that?"

"About nine, ten weeks? You're early, but yes, it's possible," Miranda answered. Her face was even paler than normal, lips spread in a thin, disapproving line as she read the scrolling readouts from the sensor. "You took some damage, but most of looks superficial. No danger to the... bean." 

"I concur. You and the baby will be fine with some rest," Doctor Chakwas added, before turning towards the other three there. "And you will keep your mouths shut about this." Tali nodded, while Jack just shrugged.

"Commander Shepard is pregnant. Right. Who the hell would believe that one?" Joker answered. He hadn't picked his jaw off the floor yet. "Think Port Side lounge has anything good left? Because I need a friggin' drink."

~*~*~*~*~

Shepard had been re-reading his report from where he had been ensconced on the bio-bed in the med-bay when Admiral Hackett arrived.

Doctor Chakwas met him first, leaning in and whispering a few words to the Admiral. The Admiral lifted an eyebrow. Chakwas saluted and left. Shepard straightened, almost getting to his feet, before Hackett waved him down. Derek imagined he must have still looked like fresh road kill. 

"Hm. Looks like you're alive." His blue eyes raked Derek's form. 

"Admiral Hackett," Shepard acknowledged, sitting up even if he didn't get to his feet.

"Sounds like you went through hell down there. How are you feeling?" He came to parade rest as he scrutinized Shepard. 

"Fine. Well, not exactly fine, but no more visions. Just..." He had spent the previous night hugging a basin in the med-bay and the Doctor trying everything from medicines to pressure points to help him keep food down. Now that he had acknowledged what was happening to him, it seemed all the symptoms that had he had explained away as stress or his oncoming heat were obvious and vengeful for being ignored. His back ached. Low blood sugar and fatigue had tied him down to the bed, making his limbs feel lined in lead. On top of that, when he wasn't vomiting, he had to pee. "Very pregnant. I wasn't expecting to see you here."

"Yes, Doctor Chakwas told me." Hackett's lips pinched. "I decided to debrief you in person. I know you were doing a favor for me, but... that was irresponsible and reckless, Commander."

Well, he wasn't exactly within the chain of command... "The part where I didn't get a pregnancy test before leaving for the mission or the part where I blew up a relay? Sir."

"Both." Hackett's eyes narrowed in warning. Don't sass the Admiral. "What the hell happened?"

"I confirmed Doctor Kenson's proof. The Reapers were coming, and the only way to slow them down was to destroy the relay." He exhaled, hand over his belly when he felt another flutter. Miranda had said nine weeks was early to be feeling that, but there it was. "When I arrived, there were two days left before the countdown finished. Kenson and her team sedated me for most of those two days. I had barely an hour left when I started the engines. There was nothing else I could do."

He looked up and met Hackett's impassive gaze. "I... suspected, but wasn't sure that I was pregnant, Admiral. If I had waited to take the test, and terminated, it might have been another day until I could complete this mission. And then the Reapers would already be on our doorstep. The only way to stop them was to deny them the use of the relay." He laughed, without humor, covering his face with his hands. "And that just delayed them. We may have a few more months. Maybe a year, before they get to another relay."

"And you believe the Reaper invasion really was a threat?" Hackett asked, turning away. 

"No doubt about it." Shepard's voice was soft. "I literally had minutes to spare." 

"I'm sure all the details are in your report." Hackett turned back. "I won't lie to you, Shepard. The batarians will want blood, and there's just enough evidence for a witch hunt. And we don't want war with the batarians. Not with the Reapers at the galaxy's edge."

Derek curled around his belly. "What are you saying?"

"God, Shepard..." Hackett finally broke his facade, rubbing his face. "You did what you did for the best of reasons, but there were over three hundred thousand batarians in that system. All dead."

"You think I don't know that? They died to save trillions of lives, and if I could have saved them you bet your ass I would have," Derek snarled, getting to his feet. 

"You're preaching to the choir, Commander. If it were up to me, I'd give you a damn medal. But, given your history with the batarians, not everyone is going to see it that way."

Derek crossed his arms, leaning back against the bed. "What do you suggest?"

Hackett sighed. "Are you going to go through with it? The pregnancy, I mean?"

Derek swallowed. He remembered his relief, finally telling Kaidan what he wanted. He remembered his panic, fear, and ultimately his joy when he found out that his little bean was safe. "Yes. It was unexpected; even using every damn precaution known to humanity, I still wound up like this. But... I want to hold on to this, Admiral."

"Evidence against you is shoddy at best. But, you still need to come back to Earth to face the music. I can't stop it... but I _can_ make them fight for it. That might not be a bad thing, if we keep you in custody." At Derek's incredulous look, Hackett elaborated. "I checked your file, and did some reading on what we know. No more than twenty male breeders survived the attack on Mindoir. Only half a dozen of them have successfully carried to term. You want this, you need good medical care- better than you can get on the Normandy. We might be turning you into a scapegoat, but you'll be a well cared for scapegoat. And I'm not handing you over to them if we have a good medical reason for not doing so."

Shepard pinched the skin between his brows. "Can I have time to tell Staff Commander Alenko?"

"It'll be Major pretty soon, and... I'm sorry to say, no."

Derek's head shot up.

"Shepard, he's a soldier. A damn good one. We're losing you for the duration, and until this mess resolves itself we need him out there. Doing. If he's distracted by worrying about you, or imagining playing house, he's not all there on the battlefield." Hackett put his hand on Shepard's shoulder. "It's not fair, I know. But that's how it has to be."

Derek's eyes burned as he rubbed them, fighting down tears. Damn hormones. He cleared his throat. "Let me take care of my crew, Admiral. Then I'll be there with my dress blues on."

"Good to see Cerberus hasn't stripped you of your sense of honor. You've got one week." The Admiral walked towards the door, holding on to Derek's report. "Oh, and Shepard?"

Derek wiped his face. "Yes sir?"

"Steven is a good name. So is Stephanie." His face creased in a smile. "Congratulations."

"I'll keep that in mind, Admiral."

To be continued.  
Comments, questions and criticism welcome and appreciated.


	20. Chapter Twenty: Epilogue

  
** Breeder **

Chapter Twenty/Epilogue

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.

Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it. 

Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed. 

Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.

~*~*~*~*~*~

When Liara went up for a drink on the Normandy, it was with a sense of bittersweet nostalgia.

The ship was far more empty than she remembered it being, a mere two months ago. The alien crew had gone their separate ways, and all that was left was the humans. She visited her old haunts on the ship; finding that Cerberus had used her old room as the AI core had left her feeling tired, excluded. Yet even that did not detract from the bright beauty of the new Normandy. 

Seeing Joker and Chakwas had been almost like stepping back to those days, when she had been that sheltered archaeologist being rescued by a dashing alien commander from a nightmarish horde. Back when she had mistaken Shepard's curiosity and interest in her work for interest in _her_ , and not his usual compassion and kindness towards other sapients. Before her stay on the first Normandy, she had rarely met males, or other species for that matter. She had been told her entire life how other species found hers desirable, and mating with asari was often seen as a mark of status. That they would trip over themselves, in fact, just to be in her mere presence. Her species did not consciously influence others to make themselves desirable... That her species was the most beautiful, the most attractive, was hardly their fault, after all. 

Then she had met Commander Shepard, and had been completely smitten.

And he had been equally smitten for Staff Lieutenant Alenko, to the point where her own flirtation had come as a surprise when she had asked if had feelings for her. And the idea of a male being interested in another male had surprised her so much that she had assumed he was in love with Ashley Williams.

A humorless smile graced her lips as she took the elevator up to Shepard's cabin on the new Normandy, unconsciously smoothing her dress, then giving herself one last check with her mirror. Asari did not use cosmetics the same way humans did, but she wondered if not trying to wear them was a mistake. 

Three strides crossed the deck to the door to Shepard's cabin, and the door opened without hesitation. 

There he was. 

"How did you enjoy the tour?"

His face wasn't as spare as she remembered, small lines crinkled around his pale green eyes. Steel gray threaded through his black hair, and she reminded herself that it was a sign of age or stress in humans. Her eyes flitted across the room, noting the colorful swarms of fish in the tanks, the small rodent case, the scattered, half-built ship models. Her heart constricted when she saw his old, cracked Onyx helmet on his desk, next to the small blank picture frame. 

"Yes, it's a beautiful ship," she said, noting that Shepard was putting out platters of small snacks. Some were filled with asari honey-glazed pastries and delicate spun-sugar sculptures, others were more savory human fare: orange cheeses, speckled crackers, hard sausages and green stuffed olives. Her eyebrows lifted when she noticed the two cups that Shepard was pouring, of steaming brown tea. 

"No, ah, 'Jack Daniels' this time?" she asked, hand on one hip as she accepted the small cup with its crackled glazing. She felt blood stir under her tentacles when his fingers brushed her hand. Goddess, he was _warm_. 

Her bottom thumped the couch when she sat down, a little breathless.

Shepard chuckled, taking his own mint green cup and sitting across from her, crossing his legs. She glanced over him again; he looked good, despite the obvious stress. She noted that Ashley Williams would have enjoyed how the expensive black suit was cut to show off his assets to their best advantage. 

"No, Chakwas has told me I need to lay off alcohol," Shepard answered, light and rueful. "I've been meaning to cut back anyways." She was about to ask about it...

When her eyes lit on the compacted Prothean data sphere hovering above his table. "Oh my goddess. Where did you get that?" she said, half a gurgle of delight. She almost dropped her cup.

The ice was broken, and Shepard laughed, as he explained his odd search for the data sphere across various uninhabited worlds. This brought to the fore more stories: his own search to defeat the Collectors, the affection he had for the allies he had gathered to his side and how he had coped with this impossible situation. She added her own tales, haltingly but with more ease as the tea's warmth seeped out of her belly. Meeting Feron. Losing Feron. Getting Shepard's body back. Her first few days of being the Shadow Broker.

The galaxy forgot to exist for those short hours as they talked, laughed, and Liara dared to tease Shepard for eating every single olive before she even got a chance to touch them. If she closed her eyes and dared, she could imagine it was a date.

"Do you like it?" he asked, touching the rippling surface of his Prothean data sphere. "You can have it."

"Goddess, I couldn't!" she said, swallowing her mouthful of tea and a large pocket of air. It hung, sharp and painful, under her breastbone. 

"Then consider it payment." Shepard looked away. "I need to ask a favor of you, Liara. Or rather, of the Shadow Broker."

The air pocket refused to budge up or down. "What is it?"

"You heard about what happened in the Bahak system?"

"Yes." She looked down at her own sticky hands, the crumb covered plates and then up to Shepard's face. "Though there's nothing... definite."

"The Reapers had a back door into the galaxy." He rubbed his belly, before twining his fingers together. "I found out too late, and had only minutes left to destroy the Bahak system relay before they arrived, and used it as a shortcut to the rest of the galaxy. But..."

"The system was inhabited. Goddess." Her eyes went huge. Her mind struggled to reconcile what she had just heard. Shepard, the man who had avoided any and all casualties if possible... Had to murder a planet. And after... "But you had no choice, right?"

"No." He ran his hands over his face. "I had none. And I'm turning myself in to the Alliance in three days." He looked up at her and smiled. "So... this is a goodbye, at least for awhile. But that's not why I need a favor." He swirled his tea in his cup, before putting it down. "Or rather, it is, but..."

He caught Liara's gaze, giving her a sheepish, worried smile. "I'm pregnant."

This time she did drop her cup. The pain in her chest changed location.

"Hackett has asked me not to contact Kaidan, or Garrus, for that matter." He sighed, leaning back. "But, please." Shepard reached out, putting his hands over hers. "Please, Liara. Find a way to tell them. I need them to know." His voice cracked, turning hoarse. "Because I can't... This is _important_. Tell them I love them. _Please_."

"All right," she answered, dull with surprise. Liara had known that Shepard had the necessary equipment, had known he was mating with Kaidan again, and the possibility existed, but- "I can do that."

Shepard squeezed Liara's hands. "Thank you." 

"Is that why you're doing this, Shepard?" she asked, pulling her hands free. "For a chance to give your child a peaceful future?"

"For _every_ child to have one, even if that's not possible." He looked up at her, and she quailed at the shine of unshed tears. "This galaxy is cruel and selfish, but there are people who are trying. Living. Loving. And yes, I want this kid to have a chance at life." Shepard took a deep breath. "With both Garrus and Kaidan there to help me."

"I hope they prove worthy of the sacrifices you are making for them," Liara answered, standing up. She felt numb. Shepard stood as well, reaching down for his Prothean data sphere. 

"Here." She took the sphere, its surface null in temperature against her hands. "Thank you."

Liara nodded, swallowing hard. When Shepard hugged her, she sobbed. She didn't want to let go. 

Two weeks later, she contacted Hackett to offer him her services.

~*~*~*~*~

Garrus had been sitting down for breakfast when they got the news burst.

_"In breaking news, the batarian Hegemony is demanding the extradition of the former Alliance Commander Shepard after the destruction of one their colonies. Located on the planet Aratoht in the Bahak system..."_

"Hey, isn't that the human Spectre you worked with?" Solona asked, drinking some yellow juice. "Back three years ago?"

"I... yeah." He stared at the display as the reporter droned on. "I was with him." His mandibles drooped in shock. "Oh, Spirits, Derek..."

_"Reports are sketchy at this time, but we know that the relay to the Viper cluster has been destroyed, something scientists had previously thought impossible. The resulting explosion, equal to that of a supernova, wiped out the entire Aratoht system."_ There was an image of Shepard, dressed in an Alliance dress uniform, hands shackled before him as he was being lead down the Normandy's cargo-bay hatch with two guards on either side.

_"As of yet, we have no information into the reasons for this tragedy. The former Commander Shepard rose to prominence three years ago when he thwarted the geth attack on the Citadel, afterwards disappearing during an attack from an unknown source..."_

His face was softer than Garrus remembered, more flesh under the skin. The coarse bristles on his face were gone as well. His mind flashed to watching Derek put foam on his face, then scrape the skin with a long straight razor, smiling at Garrus' incredulous expression. He remembered the tight, controlled and tired expression on Derek's face when he said _'I joined the Alliance to kill batarians.'_ No. He couldn't believe that this was petty revenge. Not Shepard. Not _his_ human.

Garrus' chest tightened as his teeth ground together, throat closing up as he forced back a keen of grief.

"With him?" Solona asked, voice rising higher in pitch, a few of her tones up above human hearing range. "As in, _with_ him?"

"None of your damn business," Garrus answered, but his tone lacked force as he continued listening to the news burst. 

"Is there something you want to tell us, son?" his father asked, walking into the kitchen and crossing his arms. The elder Vakarian looked older than his years: the markings on his face were faded, his plates thin and brittle. His wife's long illness and death had left their mark in the slow way he walked to the kitchen table, shoulders and back slumped. Yet his eyes were sharp as they fixed on his son's scarred face, stoic, like he was about to interrogate an unruly prisoner. Solona looked between her brother and father, about to jump in to prevent blood from being drawn.

It was all going to happen again. All the good that Derek had done, all the lives he had saved or healed or brought hope to, all of it was about to be flushed down the toilet _again_. Because people weren't willing to listen to a hideous, unspeakable truth. Cold guilt drained down into his gizzard, just as quickly replaced by anger. He had put off going back to the Normandy for several reasons, not the least of which was attempt to bow out for Kaidan. But if Kaidan couldn't do his damned _job_ and take care of their... 

But he couldn't do a damn thing about that right now. So he would do what was in front of him.

"Yeah, Dad." He pulled up omni-tool, bring up everything he had recorded on the Collectors and the Reapers. "We do."

~*~*~*~*~

The previous week had left Kaidan in a state of limbo as he awaited news from the Normandy or from Alliance Command.

The few bright spots in the past week had been getting to work with the biotic students at Grissom Academy. They were a bright bunch. He was happy they would never have to deal with the pains or stigma of the L2s, and that their teachers actually cared about teaching. They also seemed to appreciate having a teacher with combat experience.

Then the news burst had hit.

_"Alliance Command has not answered any questions, instead pledging a full investigation but refusing to hand Shepard over. Their refusal, an Alliance spokesman has said, stems from their fear that an on-going medical condition will go untreated, resulting in Shepard's death before the trial is finished were he to be placed in Hegemony custody."_

Kaidan choked, heading to his temporary quarters and trying to get through to Anderson. 

He was put on hold several times, asked if he could leave a message, asked if he could call back later... Kaidan persisted. He had to find out what happened. 

Finally-

"Staff Commander," Admiral Anderson stated, looking at him with hollows under his eyes beneath graying brows. The last few years had been hard on all of them, Kaidan knew. Anderson was starting to show the strain. "What can I do for you?"

"Admiral," he answered, licking his lips. He _wanted_ to scream, but that wouldn't have gotten him anywhere. "I need to find out what happened to Shepard."

"You and every news outlet in the galaxy." Anderson rubbed the bridge of his nose. "This is one hell of a thing. Is your end of this transmission secure?"

Kaidan nodded, bringing up his omni-tool and checking his equipment. Everything seemed in the green. 

"All right. Here's what I know. According to Shepard's report, he went in, got Kenson out and found out they had proof of an imminent Reaper invasion." At Kaidan's sharp intake of breath, Anderson nodded. "My feelings exactly. Turns out Kenson had been indoctrinated by the 'proof.' She knocked Shepard out and held him prisoner for two days." Anderson chuckled, dryly. "I bet she had to work for that." His eyes darted to the side, exhaled. "He had to start the project they had begun, which was ramming an asteroid into the relay. A relay that had the same range on it as the Citadel." 

Kaidan rocked back. "You believe him, sir?"

"We both know Shepard's got a history with the batarians, but he wouldn't have resorted something that extreme if there was _any_ other choice. I spoke to him when he turned himself in... He's taking it hard, Alenko." Anderson rubbed his chin, eyes staring at something else. Considering. 

"And his... medical condition?" Kaidan leaned forward. "You've been updated on his medical history?" At Anderson's nod, Kaidan continued. "And that his body changed?" His voice turned rough. "Did he tell you about..." Kaidan cleared his throat. "Just make sure that whomever is guarding him is ethical, and not going to take advantage of him. Please." 

Anderson opened his mouth. Closed it again, along with his eyes and made a soft grunt. "I promise you, we're taking care of him." He sighed again, his eye crinkling at the corners. "I'm sorry. I can't say much else about his condition beyond that he's as comfortable as possible. And he misses you and his crew."

"Thank you, sir," Kaidan replied, internally cursing. "Any chance I can-"

"He's vulnerable right now, Kaidan." Anderson paused and rubbed his nose again. "We'll try and get you here. Later. Hopefully in time for... a reunion. I know you two were close."

Kaidan took a turn to laugh without humor. "Yeah. Not sure if we could have made it permanent, but we did briefly discuss," he wavered. "Children."

Anderson made a long, drawn out grunt. "I hate to do this to you, Major, but we need to discuss something else."

"M- what?"

"You're being promoted. And put in charge of the 1st Special Operations Biotic Company."

"Admiral-" 

"I know this is difficult. But you can't help Shepard now and we need you working." Anderson rubbed his chin. "And I think Shepard would agree with me. I'll see if we can have you two talk, because god knows he needs the morale boost, but you're the strongest human biotic we've got. And we need you teaching and leading- both abilities we know you have. Unless you would rather stay at Grissom and teach there?" Anderson looked amused at that. "I've heard the kids like you."

Kaidan looked down. Until he could find a way through the red tape, he did need to work. And the extra rank... well, he could use that. 

"I'll think about it. Oh, and by the way? There is a stronger human biotic than me out there," Kaidan said, meeting Anderson's eyes. "And if the Normandy is out of commission, I'm guessing she could use a job."

~*~*~*~*~

The sight of the massive holographic display of a waning star was just one of the many perks within the Illusive Man's office. Massive holo-displays scrolled information from most corners of the galaxy, along with the best quantum-entanglement communicators money could buy.

With the ease of long habit, the Illusive Man opened his silver case and pulled out a hand-rolled, Earth grown tobacco cigarette as he waited for his most trusted operative to report in. 

A soft stutter of static alerted him to Leng's projection in the room.

"What is it?" he asked, lighting his cigarette and taking a drag. "I trust that you were successful?"

_"I was successful in planting several bugs in the Alliance monitoring system,"_ Kai Leng said, hands crossed behind his back. _"They should relay any important information back to us on Shepard's status."_

"You disapprove?" the Illusive Man asked, lifting an eyebrow at Leng. The assassin scowled in response.

_"He betrayed you."_

"This was not unexpected, Leng," the Illusive Man answered. "Salvage teams are already making headway on getting through the Omega Four relay. Shepard's cooperation was always conditional. He was a tool, one I no longer have a use for."

_"Did you also expect him to spawn?"_

The results of Shepard's latest biometric scan came up on the Illusive Man's screens. "Again, not unexpected. It was what he was bred for, after all. We factored that possibility into our plans when we hired not just skilled soldiers for his team, but good genetic matches as well." 

Kai Leng's disgust was obvious.

"Don't be jealous," the Illusive Man chided. "It's not becoming. Keep an eye on Shepard, Leng. I want to find out why Harbinger wanted Shepard's body, and why it attacked Shepard's embryo specifically. And-"

His gaze was half on Shepard's latest biometric scan, when something caught his eye. He punched the holo, bringing up another display. First one, then both, eyebrows climbed up his face, before he dismissed the data stream. "Just keep an eye on Shepard, Leng. I'll let you know when to act."

_"I will do as you command."_

~*~*~*~*~*~

Six months was a long time. Kaidan had done his best, repeatedly, to get in to visit Shepard, but something had always come up. Now was not a good time. Derek was in the medical wing. He was feeling under the weather today. Back in the medical wing. Can't let you talk to him just yet.

Then he had been invited, made sure to clear his calendar, don't you dare go on any missions day. Anderson had insisted. 

But then something else had happened. He had arrived from a mission with his Spec Ops group to find Alliance Command buzzing like a kicked over a rachni mound. He had then been corralled into speaking before the Defense Committee, a board of well respected soldiers from all branches of the Alliance Military. Somehow he had assumed he would be testifying on what he knew about Shepard. Instead, he was asked about the Reapers.

He could tell something was wrong even before he heard that Hackett was mobilizing the fleets. If they were finally taking the Reapers seriously, then the sky had to be falling. 

He caught himself at that thought, and hoped it wouldn't be accurate. 

When he was dismissed, he found himself outside the courtroom. Awaiting orders, like a good little soldier. That was when he looked up. Felt a bit relieved. 

"Anderson," he said, walking over towards the Admiral to shake his hand. He had not gotten to speak much to the other man in the last few months. That was when he saw a familiar set of shoulders, and the rest of the world went still.

"Shepard." The other man's back was towards him, shaking the hand of a young mountain of a man, who had a large black sling cradled to his chest. Derek looked different. His stance was wider, balance shifted towards the back. His face was fuller, not round, but his cheeks were no longer hollowed beneath the cheekbones. His hair was thicker than Kaidan remembered, but the gray in his hair and gone from specks to salt-and-pepper. His face lit with a smile. 

"Kaidan," he said, walking over, waddling slightly. 

"How'd it go in there, Major?" Anderson asked as Derek stopped beside him. 

"Okay, I think," Kaidan asked, half distracted as the mountain man walked up behind Derek. The sling in his arms looked pretty impressive; there were small power packs up and down the shoulder strap and Kaidan guessed it had a kinetic barrier on it. "I'm just waiting for orders now."

"Major?" Derek looked between the two, before turning around to take the sling. It was sealed, Kaidan noticed. Something tickled in his mind as looked at it. Small clues his mind had trouble piecing into a greater whole.

"You hadn't heard?" Anderson asked, looking back at him, then winced when Derek patted the sling... cradling it like a...

"I've been a bit out of the loop," Derek answered, before looking back up at Kaidan, eyes searching his. "Have you spoken to Liara?"

"No?" Kaidan saw Derek's face fall at that. "She wouldn't tell me anything when I tried to get hold of her."

"Anderson?" Derek said, voice cracking as he turned back to the Admiral, who turned away and wouldn't meet his eyes. "You _promised_ me you would-"

"We need to talk to the committee, Shepard," Anderson interrupted, voice low and apologetic. "There's no-"

"One minute, Admiral." Shepard's arms tightened on the bundle in his arms, and Kaidan heard a faint, unhappy croon. "You _owe_ me that much." Kaidan's heart leapt into his throat. 

"I," Anderson started, then stopped, looked around. "Fine. One minute." 

Derek nodded, opening the seals on the pouch part of the sling. "Right, introductions then. _Major_ Kaidan Alenko," he pushed the small shape into Kaidan's arms, positioning them under the slight weight. "This is Gabriel Ashley Shepard." He exhaled, pulling the flaps apart so Kaidan could look inside. 

Kaidan felt like he had been kicked in the chest, cold shock and disbelief settling somewhere under his ribs. The newborn was a warm, ruddy shade of olive, with enough hair to be mistaken for a toupee standing in wispy spikes off his head. He was swaddled in a purple and gold patterned blanket (quarian, his mind supplied.) His hands were covered in small mittens, curled in tiny fists up under his chin, one in his mouth. Acne covered the newborn's straight nose. One eye cracked open, blinking in the sudden light. Kaidan found himself on the receiving end of Derek's 'shit got real' glare in miniature, complete with icy green irises. 

He was gorgeous. 

"Forgot his hat," Derek said, absently reaching into his pocket to pull out a knit stocking cap and putting it down over the baby's wild hair. "He's ten days old, about two point seven kilos." He leaned down, brushing his fingers over the baby's cheek. "Getting bigger all the time." 

"Bean," he murmured, addressing the infant and taking one tiny hand. "This is," Derek looked up to find Kaidan's eyes, making his stomach go cold and squirm. "This is your daddy." He kissed the baby's head. Then he straightened, and squeezed Kaidan's arms. "Please look after him." Derek glanced over at the other soldier. Kaidan realized the young behemoth was holding was a diaper bag. "Both of you."

Anderson put a hand on Derek's shoulder to lead him off. Shepard was reluctant to turn away, but he did, following Anderson into the courtroom.

Kaidan was left, staring and wheezing. The small weight in his arms was warm, making small creaky noises amidst the churning buzz of Alliance headquarters. This was unreal, amazing. Joyous. Terrifying. Like watching Shepard come back to life, all over again.

"Breathe, man, _breathe_ ," the soldier said, clapping Kaidan on the back, listening to him gasp for air. "Congrats, man. It's a boy. Now sit down before you pass out."

The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here is the end of _Breeder_. I'm going to restructure and add in some parts to create an interlude, and then the sequel _Carry On_ will start. I'm not sure what the posting schedule will be after that. I've had something of a medical issue these past two weeks have had me extremely distracted. I'm sorry about that. Ugh.


End file.
